Everythings Going to be Okay

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Big episode last night, now 24 hours later.. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

Last night for the first time in forever i wanted to die. I wanted to be reckless and throw in my sobriety. Trash my apartment. I cried and vented to a friend. After about an hour I finally gave in and let my bf help. He accepted me and comforted me. Allowing me to just let it all go. Now today i have the guilt shame and embarrassment. But all negative thoughts are gone. It was a good day. Homework, chinese food for dinner,and made memories with my daughter. Now if only i could bottle that ugliness and hide it away forever it would be wonderful. I will journal and find the triggers now that time has passed. I hope everyone is having a great weekend. #EverythingsGoingToBeOkay

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Weird Pain on Skull

I’m experiencing a pain I’ve never had at this level.......my skull is hurting so badly today. Sometimes it feels like razor blades penetrating through the skin into the skull and sometimes it’s feeling like a really big rock pushing down into my brain and I’m scared. Has anyone ever had anything similar? #chronic pain #Nerve pain #scaredtobealone #EverythingsGoingToBeOkay

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If you had one or two piece'piece's of advice to give yourself or someone else, what would it be? #playalong #EverythingsGoingToBeOkay #Advice

My advice, I have two.
1. To my younger self; please be patient and kind to yourself. You have no idea that your mental state isn't like everyone else's. You think, and feel in a completely different way and that makes you stand out.
2. To whomever reads this, my advice is do some self care. Even if it's five minutes and something silly. You are worth it, also be less hard on yourself. It's okay to not be ok. We are in this together!

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𝙿𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝙿𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚛

𝙿𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝙿𝚞𝚛𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚎 ,𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚠𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚎 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚗'𝚝 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𖧷 #Gratitude #gratitudeattitude #Depression #Anxiety #EverythingsGoingToBeOkay #HappinessCanBeFoundEvenInTheDarkestOfTimesIfOnlyOneRemembersToTurnOnTheLight #everylifematters #worry #Stress #Stronger #ItGetsBetter

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Empath Overwhelm? ( I need to rant also :)

This past year I’ve struggled a lot emotionally , in a previous post I think I alluded to some of these feelings of lashing out and feeling resentful. I loved being there for others and helping out when I could but it was also taking a toll on me physically and emotionally. I was burned out but I didn’t know how to stop it was almost like I needed to feel needed and somehow lost myself along the way. It cost me too , I made friends quickly but lost them just as fast. Recently I had a falling out with a friend and it was ugly , this though had more to do with her than me but it basically ended in her accusing me of extreme paranoia, passive, manipulative , possibly schizophrenic etc. that’s fair considering she put up with me complaining nonstop about life...
But is it really though ? Considering that she was just as equally guilty in complaining nonstop to me as well when it was convient to do so and what’s more she didn’t even have to decency to tell me all those things herself but rather had someone else text them to me. So no , I take it back its not fair and she’s a shit but that’s besides the point.
I was blindsided and hurt and in the wake of everything that has happened with Covid-19 felt vulnerable and those feelings of resentment and anger only amplified . For a while I thought, “oh my god! Maybe she’s right !” Is this how others see me? I realized for me to even consider what she said to even to be true was ludicrous . Nothing is wrong with me and it took for her to end our friendship for me to realize and I need to to step back and re-evaluate and take care of myself so I can continue to show up for others. Now more than ever with this pandemic we need to be kind to one another and more importantly ourselves . #CheckInWithMe#Selfcare#Loveyourselffirst #EverythingsGoingToBeOkay #Bekind #Bekinder#LoveOneAnother #Itsoktonotbeok

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Went on a walk today to get some sunshine and fresh air. I saw this written on someone’s driveway. “Everything is gonna be alright”. I thought this was so beautiful and it made me so happy and put a smile on my face when I saw it. I hope it makes someone else out there happy too.
#LymeDisease #LymeWars #LymeWarrior #ChronicLymeDisease #ChronicIllness #DistractMe #Spoonie #COVID19 #EverythingsGoingToBeOkay

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