Dear friends who mean well,
I need you to stop telling me that you hope I feel better, that you hope I get better. I’ve got some news that you should already know by now, that’s not happening. I know you mean well, and that you are just hoping for the best because you hate to see me this sick, but I’m never actually gonna get better, or even healthier than now. That’s not happening. I need you to stop saying: Hope you get/feel better! Trust me, I know you mean well, but it makes me feel so bad knowing that will never happen. Knowing that I will never actually “get better” or better yet, be healthy.
I’ve had a long battle accepting that what I have is a disability. Even to this day I don’t want to admit it. I don’t want to accept the fact that it’s going to affect every single aspect of my life, that it already does. I’ve learned to plan ahead and sometimes foresee when things are gonna get worse. But the truth is, I don’t really know when that would be. I can be great one minute, and dying of pain, curled up on the floor for the next hour, or not.
I know this is hard, and I’m sorry that you had to see me at one of the worst episodes I’ve had in years, but that’s my normal. That happens to me sometimes, that’s going to keep happening to me. What you see is how my body usually feels every day, not that bad, but you get the idea. The thing is, you can’t see that everyday, it's like it's invisible, but let me assure you, the pain is always there. The big difference between those days is my energy. How much I have and how much I can fight with myself just to go on and try to have a normal life, pretending my body is not or fire, yelling at me to lay or sit down because it's so tired and just wants to rest.
So friend, I thank you for your wishes and all, but please stop. Don’t tell me to get better, tell me I've got this. Tell me I'm strong and that I've been through worst. Remind me that this time I'm not alone anymore. Just being there with me, holding my hand goes a long way. Don’t say it’ll pass, help me get distracted and not think about it. I’ll tell you what helps, send me a text or something, help me take my mind off the attack and help me calm down, because i’m probably freaking out and scared, it doesn’t help if I need to think about how it’s affecting you, i’m barely holding myself, I don’t need to hold you too. I know it’s hard, I know it's tough, but I'm tired of smiling and putting up a mask when I’m already fighting myself. So maybe, what I’m actually trying to say is that what I actually need, what would actually help, is for you to give me permission to feel my pain without having to put up a face, or lie and kid myself saying that i’ll get better in the end.
your friend with a chronic illness.
#ChronicIllness #Fibromyalgia #chronic #ChronicPain #Letter #Thought #Friends #Pain