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    × " A Letter To My Feuture Partner Or S.O. " ×#Thing 'sToKnow#list

    × " Dear, Feuture.... Someone.. I'am Unique... And An INTROVERT With... Alot Of Physical × Mental Health Disabilitie's... I Would Like You To Know That I'm Very Different Than Other Women... It Will Take Time For Me To Be Fully Open With You... I May Take Time To Become " Intimate " With You No Rushing!! Please.. I'm " NOT " Your Energizer Bunny... You Cannot Request Getting Laid Whenever You Please... I'm A Cautious Person When I Plan Or Do Thing's... I'm A Homebody... If I Want To Travel Or Do Something.. Then I Will Tag Along... Boundrie's × Prioritie's Are A Huge Must With Me.. Please R.E.S.P.E.C.T Them At All Time... I'm Not Big On Smooothering I Don't Like It... I Need My Alone Time... I'm Also Very Easy To Please... So Don't Worry About Expensive Gift's Etc... I Have " Learning Disabilitie's " Please Be Super Patient With Me... I Easy Forget Thing's... I Can't Hear Well.... I Have A Big Pure Honest Heart.... I'm Kind × Helpful... I Have A Sense Of Humor Funny And Sometime's Dark And Dry... I Deal With Chronic Pain... Depression... Anxiety... I Was Born With Cerebral Palsy... But I'am Still A Human Being... No Matter What... " × Sincerly, ☆▪︎☆ S.K. ☆▪︎☆#list #Letter

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    Dear Narcissist, You Stole Me

    You didn't only steal my time, my hopes for myself to continue school, and my sanity; you stole the foundation of my identity. My pallete of beautiful, unique colors.

    You took my friends from me while I was only allowed to visit them with your presence, you spoke to my family as your own, you manipulated me into buying you outfits that looked exactly like mine. Even when I dyed or cut my hair, you would do the same to yours.

    But much more than that, you used my own words and ideas against me or the people I cared about. You dappled into every hobby I had to the point that it was no longer special so I abandoned it. Even art and writing had no meaning for a while, and I haven't picked up a book since your reign on my life. Any mental or physical issue I had, you would suddenly suffer from at an even higher level.

    However, I regret to inform you that although my colors are drained by lingering on you even after my escape, you haven't a clue how to use them. My colors are my own, as yours are your own. You don't know how to match my clothes, walk in my 3 inch platforms, or keep up with my friends that you also used and abused. My pallete will return to me once you give up on your painting, and I will fill it with my colors once again.

    And for that, I am sorry, as I quite enjoy the pallete myself, so paint with them as long as they are with you. But I wish you luck filling your empty canvas. In the meantime, I am sketching ideas for my next creation.
    #Survivor #Art #narcissist #Letter

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    Letter to my friends who mean well

    Dear friends who mean well,

    I need you to stop telling me that you hope I feel better, that you hope I get better. I’ve got some news that you should already know by now, that’s not happening. I know you mean well, and that you are just hoping for the best because you hate to see me this sick, but I’m never actually gonna get better, or even healthier than now. That’s not happening. I need you to stop saying: Hope you get/feel better! Trust me, I know you mean well, but it makes me feel so bad knowing that will never happen. Knowing that I will never actually “get better” or better yet, be healthy.

    I’ve had a long battle accepting that what I have is a disability. Even to this day I don’t want to admit it. I don’t want to accept the fact that it’s going to affect every single aspect of my life, that it already does. I’ve learned to plan ahead and sometimes foresee when things are gonna get worse. But the truth is, I don’t really know when that would be. I can be great one minute, and dying of pain, curled up on the floor for the next hour, or not.

    I know this is hard, and I’m sorry that you had to see me at one of the worst episodes I’ve had in years, but that’s my normal. That happens to me sometimes, that’s going to keep happening to me. What you see is how my body usually feels every day, not that bad, but you get the idea. The thing is, you can’t see that everyday, it's like it's invisible, but let me assure you, the pain is always there. The big difference between those days is my energy. How much I have and how much I can fight with myself just to go on and try to have a normal life, pretending my body is not or fire, yelling at me to lay or sit down because it's so tired and just wants to rest.

    So friend, I thank you for your wishes and all, but please stop. Don’t tell me to get better, tell me I've got this. Tell me I'm strong and that I've been through worst. Remind me that this time I'm not alone anymore. Just being there with me, holding my hand goes a long way. Don’t say it’ll pass, help me get distracted and not think about it. I’ll tell you what helps, send me a text or something, help me take my mind off the attack and help me calm down, because i’m probably freaking out and scared, it doesn’t help if I need to think about how it’s affecting you, i’m barely holding myself, I don’t need to hold you too. I know it’s hard, I know it's tough, but I'm tired of smiling and putting up a mask when I’m already fighting myself. So maybe, what I’m actually trying to say is that what I actually need, what would actually help, is for you to give me permission to feel my pain without having to put up a face, or lie and kid myself saying that i’ll get better in the end.

    With love,

    your friend with a chronic illness.

    #ChronicIllness #Fibromyalgia #chronic #ChronicPain #Letter #Thought #Friends #Pain

    8 comments
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    Opinions

    Hi all, I need some opinions. Back in January I cut off a friendship that wasn’t doing me any good, more harm then good anyway. It had gotten to a point I had enough and just disappeared without letting her know. Blocked on all social media and deleted her phone number but I didn’t block it so she could’ve reached out if she wanted too. Anyway, I still feel so guilty for how I went about it and my therapist suggested I reach out and explain to her why I disappeared because I know she deserves an explanation and because I still care about her and love her and miss her daily, but our friendship isn’t good anymore. I was thinking of writing a letter to get what I need to say off my chest and get closure but I’m wondering if that’s still being avoidant? I just don’t want to have a conversation. I don’t feel the need for one. Anyones help would be great thank you! #Friendship #Letter #Opinion

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    Love Note to People #Autism #MentalHealth #hearmeout

    To The People......
    To the People who just assume things about hidden disability and make there own story about them.
    To the people who won’t leave people to their own life’s and interfer in.
    To the People who judge others without even knowing or from others and not there own perspective.
    To the People who leave others and say they out grow that person . The ones who make them feel really small and bad about who They .Who make People doubt themselves and things a round them . To the People who don’t celebrate people’s successes and be little them. To the People who just leave with out a word.
    The world is such a wonderful place but also can be dark.
    Why do you do it to people why don’t you make the world brighter where you a give kindness, love and happiness.
    And not self doubt,sadness...

    #MentalHealth #Autism #Love #Letter #hearmeout

    1 comment
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    D i s t a n c e #Letter #139 #bod #Borderline

    We are trying again, I mean I’m trying again and I feel empty.
    After a talk about you let me go and a few hours after, me begging you not to leave I think I deserve be treated like shit.
    Why you don’t love me? Why you don’t like me? Why I feel you are distant, absent.
    I feel it because you are distant and absent and it’s nothing wrong with that, you already feel that this is not gonna wor, but I’m being stubborn and I want to keep you in my life.
    Everything you say or ask I say yes, I had lost my entire dignity went agains my principles but you can’t see it, you don’t even bother asking.
    Hey Mike, It’s hurting me and I don’t have the courage to finish this up.
    What about if I start taking some distance? Instead of texting you first everyday I will stop and already know the answer but at least the fall won’t be heartbreaking.
    I’m sorry for being such a stupid, hopeless and bad person, I deserve distance and I deserve your absence.
    I’m dealing out and I’m panicking because I know already you’re gone.

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    Familytine Card for my Dad #Valentines #Letter #happymail #familylove

    My Dad turned 77 the week of Valentine's Day. He loves beating me at chess, and bragging about it. Images from a magazine.

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    Closure with my therapist #CheckInWithMe

    I've been going through a difficult time the past few days after being seriously triggered by my therapist on Wednesday. I emailed him on Thursday to explain the situation and that I would like to switch to working with a woman. He replied on Friday night and said that he recognized all my concerns and it would be possible to switch. But he also asked if we could meet to discuss what happened.

    I've been going back and forth on whether or not I feel safe to meet with him or not. And if I wanted to meet this week or wait a few weeks. And what I would say. And especially feeling super anxious about what he would say.

    So, tonight I wrote him a letter. It is six pages long and lays out how I perceive our therapy relationship, from beginning (September) to now. It was more helpful than I expected to write it. I don't trust myself to have a free-flowing conversation with him, but it might actually be good to read this letter to him.
    I think I would only feel comfortable doing this in a virtual session, not face-to-face, and certainly not in his office with the door closed.

    We already had an appointment booked for next Saturday. Do I keep that appointment, or should I ask for something in two weeks or in January when this won't all be so fresh?

    #Therapy #Letter #movingon #Depression #Anxiety #narcissisticabusesurvivor #emotionalabusesurvivor #MentalHealth

    17 comments
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    To the boy with the pretty blue eyes

    A letter to you.

    Once upon a time not long ago, I walked into a place and at first glance I fell in love. Me and this boy locked eyes for the very first time and from that day onwards, I was hooked.

    I soon became addicted to his smile, his beautiful bright blue eyes and the sound of his voice. The way this boy made me laugh gave me butterflies inside of my tummy.

    Everytime he came around to say hello my heart would skip a thousand beats and with every beat I could hear the loud thumps inside of my ear drums. Everytime he brushed his arm up against my shoulder my hands would begin to sweat.

    I was always so nervous around this boy, I would try to speak but no words would come out. He would look me in the eyes and I would get lost in his. Everytime he spoke his words were the lyrics to my new favorite song. I never wanted the music to stop.

    As time surely passed us by, I began to build a wall around my heart but everytime he came around my wall fell apart. I told myself never to trust another man, they always leave you in the end.

    As hard as I tried I couldn't stop catching feelings for this boy who I soon began to realize was a player. He played my heart like a fiddle, he fed my hunger with his lies and when he was bored he would disappear without saying goodbye.

    I shed many tears each time he would leave and then he would come back to me when he wanted to play again. Everytime I fell for the sweet words he would spit, although I knew deep inside his sweet words, he would spit to other girls too.

    I guess apart of me knew this was all just a game and very soon the fun would come to an end. My friends would say I deserve better, that boy is a player who will break your little heart in two. I replied each time with, but no boy makes my heart stop whenever he looks into my eyes.

    I felt guilty because from the start we agreed to have no strings attached but somewhere along the way I fell in love with a player and as much as it hurt everytime he dropped me for another girl, I told myself he will always come back to you. Just be patient and wait your turn.

    As I anxiously await for his return, I once again blamed myself for getting attached when I knew that boy was never mine to stick around for. He is free as a bird and I am the girl who sits alone in a dark room crying herself to sleep at night, because I know it dosent matter how much I love him, he will never feel the same way about me as I feel about him.

    I don't know what is more painful, waiting around for the impossible to happen or when each time he would return, we would talk into the stary night sky until one of fell asleep on the other. It felt like paradise when we would talk all night long but, now I know he never sticks around for very long.

    I sit in my bed and I wonder why, why dosent he love me back in the same way I love him? Why do we talk for days on end and then he just disappears. Forever leaving me to wonder if we will ever talk again. #Poem #Letter #Broken