Live Through This

I’m incredibly jealous that Sleeping Beauty got to rest up for a hundred years. To me, that seems like a boon, how could anyone imagine sleep was a curse?

Sometimes I think I deserve a standing ovation for showering. This once simple act now seems so...troublesome.

Other times I want to be fawned over for waking up AND getting out of bed on time. Finding the will to tackle a day can be so exhausting.

Everyday I remind myself that I will get over my trauma and it will just be a thing that happened, a bad day and nothing more profound. For now I’m just relieved that my thoughts of death or to be able to go to sleep forever seem to be leaving me for longer amounts of time.

Most days I wish I could be a kid again and curl up in my mom’s lap after being fed ham/cheese roll ups and a glass of milk. She would watch a bit of tv with me and I wouldn’t know any of the dark thoughts that have dogged my mind since that awful night.

Someday I will be happy and relaxed again and not fret about every man I pass by. I will not wonder if they care about consent. I will see a man with short red hair and I will not associate him with my attacker.

I am writing this for you so that you know you aren’t alone. Even though things are bleak, no one can ruin life. People can change it and they can hurt you badly but they can’t remove your joy, your love or take tomorrow from you. I live for tomorrow, even when I kind of wish there wasn’t one.

Someday soon I will be better than I was before he raped me and so will you. One day you’ll look back and wish you could time travel to today and assure yourself what awaits you is far better than what you’re leaving behind.

#Survivor #MightyPoets #today #StayStrong #Reflection #SexualTrauma #SexualAssaultSurvivor #LiveThroughThis

Ann Helen Heberlein (née Holmström; 22 June 1970)[1] is a Swedish academic and author, who writes extensively on theology and ethics.[2] She is best known for her autobiographical account of life with bipolar disorder, Jag vill inte dö, jag vill bara inte leva (2008; "I don't want to die, I just don't want to live"). #BipolarDisorder #LiveThroughThis