longhauler

I just wish people wouldn’t blow me off. Or act like my feelings are too big. Or get so uncomfortable when I try express what I am going through that they get off the phone or rush the conversation. I get it’s uncomfortable, unpleasant, scary, taboo. Whatever word you want. But it is happening and it is happening to me. I need my people. They act like they can’t handle it but what about me? They may say sound selfish. But sorry your feelings are uncomfortable but I am planning my funeral so my parents know my wishes should that happen. Like get a backbone and be there!

Friend: some people can’t handle death… they can’t comprehend it.

I can’t either so it is frustrating when trying to process and people are like I don’t this well. Well fuck you! I need my people. That is my biggest fear about dying. Not having my people, being without my twin, who will comfort mom who is having a nervous break down, who will take care of dad while he is aging, who will be there to hug me in the darkness? And the darkness isn’t here yet and I am already alone…

#Gastroperasis #COVID #longcovid #longhauler #Stroke #Dystonia #Seizures #tubie #PegTube #StarvingToDeath #IronDisorder #ImmuneDeficient #Death #FinalWishes #darkness #BigFeelings #TooBig #iamvalid #valid #LeftBehind #DoNoLeave #Twin

Feeling a bit lonely today guys, can anyone advise? ❤

Probably like a few of you on here lots of my 'friends' abandoned me 2 1/2 years ago when I got sick.

I tried to stay positive as I had 3 separate girls who I thought were 'keepers' I've been hearing less and less replies from them over the past 6 months.

Yesterday I messaged all 3, and none have replied. I feel even more lonely then before I messaged them.

There's nothing worse than feeling alone, when having friends is something you want.

I don't even know where to find anybody new. I find myself talking too much to anyone now doctors, nurses etc. Just because I don't have anybody else. It hurts.

What is worse is that it's my 'best friends' and my 10 year anniversary since we met this month, we were literally so close this is something we would have celebrated. she doesn't seem interested. She was like my family but seems to have moved on with new friends, as she's moved to another nearby town.

When she does message me im always hearing about a 'friend' when I ask what she's been up to.

Messages used to be often but now it's always 'sorry I didn't realise I didn't reply' or 'sorry I didn't send a reply i typed' or 'I completely forgot to reply' daily now. Where she's obviously messaging others and forgets about me.

I just feel at such a loss. I'm lucky to have an amazing husband but it's not the same as girl time.

Can anybody else relate? Sorry for rant. Happy Sunday everybody lots of love xx

#lonely  #Friendship  #Friends  #COVID  #longcovid  #longhauler  #CFS  #ChronicFatigue  #Fatigue  #Autism  #ADHD  #UndifferentiatedConnectiveTissueDisease  #UCTD  #MixedConnectiveTissueDisease  #hiatushernia  #housebound  #CheckInWithMe  #lookingforchat  #lookingforfriendship  #UK  #England

It's fascinating that my illnesses manifest as something to be desired 🤔

I'm wearing a pair of shorts that didn't quite fit a decade ago. I'd considered the built-in belt cosmetic then. Now they fall down.

But it's ok. I look great 🙄🤔