motherslove

I’ve been with my husband for 22 years, and we’ve been married 19. Since 2003, he’s been diagnosed with #PTSD as a result of things he saw when he was in the military. Her released in 2010, and told me he only wanted six month to relax and then he’d find his next path in life.
Fast forward 12 years to today. Our daughter is 14 and in high school. His father passed away in Oct 2019. In 2019 his counselor moved from weekly appointments to no-weekly. He’s slowly gotten worse: spending hours in bed watch tv or the iPad (and sometimes both), eating upstairs in bed (I’m currently working from home, and he says that’s why he’s upstairs so much), or sleeping. Constantly his excuse has been that he doesn’t get a good night sleep which is why he sleeps all day.

I “took care” of everything so that it would lessen the stress on him at the beginning of his #PTSD diagnosis. It kept going, even til now. It is my name on all the bills (except his credit cards). I’ve noticed he’s gotten really bad lately.

This past Christmas, he decided to ask our teenager to do something, then when they didn’t complete the task, he blew up at them. The look on their face made my heart break. He then texts me to “call me upstairs“. When I get up, he gives me back the wedding ring - tells me since they don’t respect them, we can live in the same house to share bills but he’s done being a parent. In his usual pattern (he’s told me he wanted a divorce about 18-24 times in 19 years) he talks himself to being back into the relationship.

Our poor teenager is just a mess. #Anxiety through the roof. #AnxietyAttack every night, so much that they are shaking their bed. Husband wonders why teenager doesn’t listen. He doesn’t talk, he yells. He’s made every excuse I can think of why they didn’t connect with our kid during different stages (that’s a whole different conversation). Our kid would rather wait for 90 minutes while I get a massage then spend time at home with their father.

About 6 weeks ago, husband had a #tempertantrum (it’s the only way to describe it), slamming down his smart phone and storming out to his vehicle. His phone made him mad as he was trying to manage songs, and the dealership was taking too long to confirm he could change he Jeep. Comes back an hour later, motions to me to come outside, and then asks why I didn’t follow him out and see if he was okay. I wouldn’t check up on a kid with a temper tantrum, why would I for an adult??

#imdone #weredone I have a new place. Teenager and I have slowly been moving stuff to storage locker since Easter. By no means do we have everything, as we’ve been moving it out in secret. I have friends willing to help us move. My mom (#motherslove ) is flying in to help with the move. As much as my teenager wants everything out of their room, I’m at the point where I’m done. Husband told me “he wouldn’t let us leave”. That put huge red flags up for me, that in his mind this is no longer a good relationship, as who would say they wouldn’t let you leave.

Sorry for the long rant. A lot more inside me, and I guess it needed to come out. Including a picture, as I liked the message. Might have to make it my new Home Screen.

Listen

Listen my child. I’m so happy you are here with me, with us! This place is magical, interesting and reliable. Almost predictable. Quite predictable when you take in the signs. Sweet child we have so many guiding forces all around us. The Sun rises and invites us to explore our Mother Home. The Moon reminds us it’s time to rest. Some of us live in the world of light and some in the world of darkness but most all are aware the other exists. We might be tempted to stick to what we know for that feels safe, conformable. There is a time for that, says the moon. We might be driven to find something we’ve never seen before. There are plenty of days for that, says the Sun. You might want to visit other worlds one day. The Ocean says, come on in let’s play. You might want to image possibilities. The Cloud says, you can imagine anything. You might want to build something. The Animals say, yes this is good. You might want to capture a moment forever. The Stars say, it is possible to endure despite time’s passing. You might wish for something to be over. The Wind says, soon enough and goodbye for now. You might want time to stand still instead. Creation will speak to you then. I say, listen Child listen.

With Love,
Your Earth Mother

#MightyPoets #innerpeace #youaresafe #motherslove #natureismedicine #Healing #Comfort #Inspiration #earth #Art #sharingiscaring #Hope #selfreflection

My mom passed away two years ago and it sucks. I am so sad and there is nothing I can do. I want to hug her and tell her how much she meant to me! I wish so much I could hear her voice and feel her hugging me. Today I have been so depressed and honestly this is the first time I wish I could die and go to Heaven so I could be with her and I haven’t thought this way in awhile! I feel such a sadness that my heart just aches for her! I miss my mom and I feel like I am losing my will to live because I just wish something bad could naturally happen to me so I can go to Heaven to be with her. I know this is terrible to think but this is how I feel! I just want to be with her and if I had to die bonus because I would get to see her again! There is nothing like a Mothers love! She was the most kindest and loving mother! I miss her so much! ##deathsucks #loveyourmoms #hugyourmoms #motherslove #deathwouldbeokrightnow