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Abusing my Mother

My mother is the only person who cares about me and I treat her very badly. My mum is always pushing me to do better. Make friends and socialise, get a new job and make more money, get a new car, clean the house up and get a girl friend.

I don't know if my mum realises how miserable and sad I am. I blame my mother for all my problems and she blames herself. She is literally the only person who calls me to see how I am and I push her away swearing at her and threatening her. I think she called me "by accident" after our conversation crying and said it was a mistake. I should feel terrible about the way I speak to my mother but somehow it relieves me of a lot of my troubles.

I am putting all my issues on my mother and causing her significant stress. I don't know how she feels because its all about me. Everything is about me and my troubles. I feel bad about how I speak to her but I think it is more about pushing her away and completely isolating myself. Once I am completely isolated is when I really consider whether my life is worth living. Fortunately or unfortunately, (depends on which way you want to look at it) she will never let that happen.

She will call again tomorrow, sometimes I wish she would let me be but I would be no better off. I love my mother more than anything and she knows that. I got clean and straightened my life out for my family with my mums support. No matter how much trouble I caused her she was always there for me. I feel bad treating her so poorly but she brings the worst out in me.

I hope my mum doesn't feel like she has failed as a mother. I think she feels bad because I am not happy, hurting and suffering.

I think she just wants me to be happy. She is not stupid and can see that I am miserable and hates seeing me this way.

#mum #motherslove #NeverGiveUp #Support #alwaysthere #reallove #Family #Truelove #Care #caring #Love #chillout #calmdown #emotional #respectful #Myfault #ownership #notherfault #mystory #Decisions #onlylove #imwrong #help #sheltered #supportive #EverythingWillBeOkay #Hope

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Still Beautiful Amidst Chronic Pain

Something that unfortunately happens when you battle chronic ailments every day especially ones that affect how your physical body works... you start to feel undesirable, like you are defected and lesser of a human than other people your age who don't fight chronic pain every day and who are able to live a "normal" life.

Well fuck that! I am an incredibly beautiful and kind person through and through and I fucking love myself because I know that I'm one of the strongest, kindest, most empathetic and beautiful people I have ever met.

I'm worthy. I'm valuable. My life is worth living. I'm beautiful. I'm one in a million in every way possible.

#ChronicPain #Erythromelalgia #Selflove #Truelove #warrior #Amazing

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How have you found real love with mental illness?

After being crushed multiple times, I've lost hope that I can find someone that will actually love and support me when I have severe mental illness.

Can you share how your significant other has showed love and support despite your struggles so I can know that it's possible? #Truelove #Relationships #Dating #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Anxiety #Depression


I want to attract these things...

# positivity #Lawofattraction #Truelove #freedomfromdebt #Health I struggle to be positive and I struggle even harder to stay positive. I want to attract people whom I can connect with and trust. People who are kind and calm and loving. I want to attract someone to help me free myself from hoarding and overindulgence. I want to attract good health. I want to attract freedom from debt. I want to attract security and belief in myself. I want to attract true love.


💜 #DistanceLovers

If you love someone,let them go....
If they return to you,then what is meant to happen is meant to be...


Despite #overcoming my entire self, I am #strong . Because no matter how many times I have wanted to call it a day, and head on up to #heaven ...I just do not have that option. I couldn't #bare to not be able to see, hug, laugh, snuggle, discipline, #raise my son and daughter. #Truelove #iamstrong #Toddlermom #axton #monroe

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I’ve been sitting on this photo for a couple of days. When I took it, I couldn’t see straight. I was on my 24th straight hour of tears. Something in that moment though told me to take this photo.

This is hours after a diagnosis of cancer. This is the emotional roller coaster of fear and anxiety. Peaks and valleys of hope and love mixed in. I come from a family of fighters. We fight hard. We love harder. We are stubborn and caring. We will fiercely defend you and hug you until you can’t breathe.

This picture sums up the relationship of my parents. When I first looked at it I saw fear. Now all I can see is hope and love.

Cancer can’t take that away. Cancer won’t take that away. We will fight this. We will have moments where we break. We will have moments when we cry until we can’t see. We will still laugh. We will still find strength. Our faith will carry us through this. will not break us.

I see two people who have survived accidents. Chronic illness. Arguments. A sick daughter. Lost jobs. Sleepless nights. I see love. I see the two people who made me the person I am today.

I see what will not destroy. I see hope. I see us. I see everything I want to be in this life. The embodiment of hope and love. My parents. My heroes.

#Cancer #LymphomaNonHodgkin #Truelove #Parents #Depression #Hope #fighter