Narcissistic Personality Disorder

It’s easy to get wrapped up in other people’s shit,
to let them drain you
like a vampire sinking its fangs in,
emptying whatever space you had left
without ever asking if you needed it to live.

Sometimes empathy becomes a magnet
for other people’s emotional chaos.
They want.
They spiral.
They vent.

And we listen.
And listen.
Feeling everything—
often before we are ready
to feel ourselves.

Within seconds we are underwater.
An emotional tsunami—
their emotions, then ours, then theirs again,
back and forth
until we can’t tell
what belongs to who.

We forget to come up for air.
Forget how to breathe,
how to detach,
how to swim instead of sink,
how to regulate instead of disappear.

We stay under
until the body demands oxygen.

Sometimes that takes minutes.
Sometimes days.
Sometimes years.
Sometimes decades.
Sometimes never.

So many of us were made into caregivers,
protectors,
containers—
by family, by circumstance, by survival.
We learned early
that love meant holding everything,
that saying yes kept us safe,
that collapse could wait.

Until it couldn’t.

Until the chest tightens.
Until the rage shows up—not cruel, not violent—
but precise.
Sharp.
A signal flare from the nervous system saying:
this is too much.

That’s the moment recovery actually starts.
Not with softness,
but with restraint.

With the hand on the edge of the pool.
With the pause before jumping in.
With the question no one taught us to ask:

Do I have the capacity for this
right now?

Sometimes the answer is no.
And no is not abandonment.
No is oxygen.

No, no, no—
I will not.
I cannot.
I cannot sit with this
until I have learned
how to sit with myself.

Recovery is not a straight line.
It is the push and pull
between wanting to help
and refusing to disappear.
Between old reflex
and new boundary.
Between love
and self-erasure.

I don’t always have the space.
I don’t always have the air.
And that is not a failure.

But sometimes—
with the right people,
the ones who notice when I’m holding my breath,
the ones who stay when I take the mask off—
I can give.

Not endlessly.
Not at my own expense.
But in rhythm.
In reciprocity.

I am learning to save my oxygen
for those who return it.
To offer space
only where space is shared.

And that—
finally—
is what it means
to come up for air.

#MightyPoets #Depression #PTSD #Anxiety #Grief #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #SubstanceUseDisorders

Everything started when I was 12. I was very young, but I had already been through a lot in my life. I had been hospitalized in a psychiatric unit, I got out, I moved, I lost friends, I made new ones. I had lived many things and I had already understood that life unfortunately is not easy. I was going through a very difficult phase at that time because I had just moved to a new place and had to adapt. I struggled to meet new people, but despite that things were going relatively well. I made friends at school and through Instagram I met more people. At that time I had strong suicidal thoughts and I was self harming, turning emotional pain into physical pain because it felt easier to handle at that stage of my life. After some time there I started talking to a boy. We talked every day all day. We had incredible chemistry. I felt good when I talked to him and I had never felt like that before. Soon flirting started and after a while we began seeing each other. My feelings became stronger and stronger. There are no words to describe what I felt for this person. I became his girlfriend. We often sent each other long messages about how amazing we felt in the relationship. He felt like the boy of my dreams and the way I felt was indescribable. Everything was perfect at least in the beginning. Then he started disliking my female friends and I accepted it. He started distancing me from every friend I had because of jealousy and I accepted it. He started controlling everything. I gave him my passwords and he had access to my social media accounts and I accepted it. He started controlling what clothes I wore and I accepted it. He wanted us to go out only together. Going out with friends was a problem. Why with them and not with him. I accepted it. He isolated me from everyone and I accepted it. I accepted everything because I truly loved him. I was terrified of losing him and I did everything I could to keep him. But whenever I expressed something he did that hurt me he always ended up being the victim. I always ended up being the one at fault. I was blamed for having emotions. I was never right. My feelings did not matter anymore. My opinion did not matter. My needs did not matter. But I loved him so much that I wanted to satisfy him in every possible way even if it meant having sex when I did not really want to. The truth is I never felt what people describe as love. I felt like a piece of flesh. It was a moment of satisfaction not love. When I said I was not in the mood his answer was I will make you want it. No was never an answer. If we did not have sex one day he would get distant and leave as if we had argued. I felt that I was not enough if I did not provide sex and pleasure. This taught me that in order to be loved I had to do it. My self harming continued and he did not support me. I remember one day he saw fresh scars on my arms and instead of comforting me he got angry blamed me and left me behind. I needed a hug and understanding but I had no way to express what I was feeling. He did not make me regret my scars. He made me feel weak broken and sick. Still none of that mattered compared to the love I had for him. It was enough for me that he stayed. His manipulative behavior made me believe he was just overprotective and that he cared deeply. But if that were true I would not have lost all my friends my freedom to wear what I want and my freedom to speak freely without being monitored. If that were true intimacy would feel like love not like being an object. This relationship was a nightmare. I constantly felt crazy because of the gaslighting every time I expressed that his behavior hurt me. It was a very sensitive period of my life. I needed his love to feel that I had value as a person after years of bullying. This person drained me. I emptied myself to fill him. I remember another day I will never forget. We had a small disagreement and he tried to take my phone. I resisted. He did not respect my boundaries and he hit me in the face. When my lip started bleeding and he saw the blood he immediately apologized and said he did not mean to do it. But he could have respected me from the start. Every time I tried to talk about his behavior the conversation turned into mine. Arguments became daily. When you love someone that much it becomes incredibly hard to leave. He also had a tendency to enjoy causing me pain. He would bite me extremely hard leaving bruises on my body even though he knew I hated it. Despite the marks and pain he did not stop. One day he humiliated me so badly that he made me feel ashamed of existing. During intimacy he sent an explicit photo to my mother as a joke. Once again he was the victim and I comforted him saying it was okay even though it affected my relationship with my mother. I shared everything I was going through with my father’s partner at the time. One day he came to our house and she saw him. Wanting to protect me she yelled at him and confronted him for how he treated me. When it ended he ran away and I immediately went after him to comfort him and tell him everything was okay even though he was not the real victim. The worst part is that he was never afraid of destroying my life. He wanted to own me so much that I could have gotten pregnant many times but I was lucky. He would finish inside me without my consent and tell me afterward. This could have ended far worse but thankfully it did not. I stayed for a year because I hoped he would change. I hoped things would go back to how they were in the beginning. I missed the person I met not the one he became. Hope kept me there until everyone around me and my family realized this relationship was destroying me. It drained every drop of life inside me and I understood that I would either lose him or lose myself. I felt so small next to him so stupid so crazy. I always felt he was superior and that he knew better. All I ever wanted was to love and be loved without limits. He made me feel such safety and trust at first that I was not afraid to give everything. I gave one hundred percent of myself without knowing I would lose everything later. Jealousy disguised as interest control disguised as care isolation disguised as love devaluation disguised as honesty gaslighting disguised as logic anger disguised as passion sexual assault disguised as desire victimization disguised as sensitivity. These are the first signs you must recognize in a relationship and walk away before someone isolates you from everything you love including yourself. #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder

I finally opened my eyes and saw that you didn’t deserve my love. That you didn’t care about me but only cared about yourself. It took me long to get that and it feels good to have that insight now. To put myself first because I deserved better. I struggled for so long and I felt guilty about it but trust me when I say this to you:
It feels like you can breath again without walking on eggshells all the time, and to know that the people that are still there are the people will be there for life.

Please choose yourself. I regret I didn’t do it sooner. So take the step and know your worth, because baby you deserve the fucking world.

#MentalHealth #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #Depression #Loneliness #MightyTogether #CheckInWithMe #DistractMe

Hi, my name is szahara. I'm here because I was married to & raised two kids with a man who has narcissistic personality disorder. I’m trying to navigate having to share custody with a man who was/is abusive to me & my kids. I’m trying to make sense out of how the court system in this country is not adept to protecting battered women & their children. I’m trying to heal & salvage what remains of my life that he so skillfully & strategically destroyed. I’m struggling to find the courage to move forward & build a new life for myself after being completely isolated & controlled for so long. I wish I had known about narcissistic personality disorder & cluster B disorders decades earlier & am frustrated when I hear that my only recourse is to tip-toe around the predator. This generational trauma is not his fault, but this doesn’t mean I’m the one who has to pretend any of this is normal & have to lie to my kids about who their father really is. It feels like people are more concerned with protecting him, while I am invalidated & forced to live with the fallout he caused. Its lonely & confusing.

#MightyTogether

In 2019 i fell in love with a covert narcissist the cycle of trauma abuse and manipulation continuted till 2024 I was trauma bonded and realised when it was too late .. I developed generalized anxiety disorder , I was unable to understand what was wrong with me ...till the time another nightmare was waiting for me in 2025 i was sexually harassed by a know family relative in my home , that left me with immense emotional and psychological trauma by repeated cycle of abuse , I developed C-ptsd , unable to move out of my bed for months with suicidal thoughts and self harm .. here I am beginning my journey of healing .. initially medications like escitalopram helped me stabilize my flare ups , .I started exercising ,my condition is improving so far although the flashback keep coming , I am learning to manage the triggers ,, ..not in the best ..but trying .I wish we all keep pushing ourselves , as there is always light at the end of the tunnel..❤️#GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #CPTSD #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Trauma #Agoraphobia #MentalHealth #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder