Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Every time I hear “stay home, stay safe”, I think about all the survivors out there where home is the most unsafe place they could’ve been. Where the distractions outside of the house is what keep them going.

For a lot more kids than you can think of, school is the only safe place they have.

For a lot of teenagers, hanging out with friends until the last minute they can, is the only moment their mind can get away of the fear.

For a lot of adults and young adults, getting out of the house to go to work is the only therapy they can afford.

If for you or someone you know home is not a safe place, there is help out there. You are not alone. ❤️

National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text Line -Text Hello to 741741

YouthLine -Text teen2teen to 839863, or call 1-877-968-8491

Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline -1-800-422-4453

National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-7233

National Deaf Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-855-812-1001

LGBT National Hotline - 1-888-843-4564

LGBT National Youth Talkline - 1-800-246-7743

LGBT Senior Hotline - 1-888-234-7243

#SAAM2020 #SexualAbuse #Depression #SuicidePrevention #DomesticViolence #SexualAssaultAwarenessMonth #Survivor #youarenotalone #Anxiety

Step one: Read the picture.

Step two: Read my words.

If you’re like me and you have a difficult time sharing your innermost private thoughts then you will know how difficult it is for me to write this. You will understand how angry I need to be to say something that I am so ashamed about.

If you have been the survivor of sexual violence or abuse, then you know the feeling you get when someone calls you beautiful, pretty, sexy, etc...you will truly understand how much you have blamed your own actions or appearance for the damage that you have suffered.

I oftentimes feel that my appearance is what stabbed me in the back. Being beautiful is what made me SO appealing to my attackers. I find myself cursing my looks every time I look in the mirror.

Admittedly, I have had many advantages because of my appearance. I have an easier time meeting people, and less opportunity to feel “lonely” as it might seem. Sometimes I even feel like I have a bit of control over men and that my beauty will somehow mesmerize them to want more than my body. That if I can control a man, I can also control the pleasure and the degree of pain that I might be given.

But the reality is, that we are only as valuable as we believe ourselves to be. If we do not believe that we have value, others will likely see the same. Since I was 15 I have felt that my only worth lies between my legs. That if a man is wanting me sexually he must be wanting ME. But this is false. This is the sickness that my attackers have given me. They have made me feel less than and equate my worth with my body.

When I was growing up I placed such a high importance on education because I felt like knowledge would give me the true power I felt I had been robbed of. I put education at the forefront of my life and thankfully it has allowed me to not only feel powerful in my own right but has allowed me to see that the shame I feel is not mine to bare.

I constantly want to show people who I am. Who I really am. How my mind works and what intellectual mountains I have climbed. I crave intimacy and connection. I crave to be seen for more than how I look. I crave for my mind to be seen before my body. But, I also crave to be heard. I crave to not feel a conflict when I want.

I am so angry with how much emphasis is placed on appearance. I feel angry that my attackers have made me feel like I am somehow only valuable if I am sexy. I feel angry that I feel shame about my own sexual abuse, so much so that I have contemplated deleting this post already about 10 times. And I feel pissed off that more people don’t take the time to see people. Like actually see them for who they are, and not how they look.

So please...consider when you compliment a woman on her beauty, before you have complimented anything else, that you just might be adding to the problem...Don’t get me wrong, it is nice to compliment, but try noticing other things first.

Step three: Really READ!!!
#Depression #Anxiety #SexualAssaultAwarenessMonth #SexualAbuseSurvivors