suicidelossurvivors

Its been 3 months since i lost my cousin/ best friend to suicide. Still struggling to accept that shes gone. Everyone expects me to be ok and deem her selfish and that she committed a selfish act but throughout her life she was judged because of her bipolar yet she soldered on more than anyone i know. She taught me perseverance a few days before she attempted suicide she helped me through a mental breakdown . I feel guilty because i feel i triggered her suicide. I miss her everyday

In 2019 I lost my boyfriend to suicide. He was the love of my life. He struggled with depression but refused to seek help. When he told me about his suicidal ideations, 2 days prior his suicide, I made him go to his family doctor and I encouraged him to book an appointment to a psiciatrist, and he did. But the appointment was 3 days ahead. I lived in another country and had no contact number or adress to his family. I told my boyfriend I wanted to call his job, to his friend, he said I was not allowed to do that, and that I should not worry, we would get through this.
We did not. 3,5 hours before I was waiting for him to come to his job so that I could call him and tell him that I had decided that we have to reach out that day to his family and not wait for the appointment next day, 3,5 hour earlier he killed himself. I sat waiting for him to answer me, but he did not, he was dead.
His friend sent a messag that night, and my life stopped.
You died darling , while I was 1900 km away and I died too. The guilt of not going towards your words darling, to act sooner, is consuming me. I miss you and the pain is unbearable. Love you darling, forever. And I miss you so much. I’m so sorry. #Loosing my partner to suicide #suicidelossurvivors #SuicideSurvivors

it's all about life. life is hard and dark for those who are knocked down so many times. we don't deserve all that. life has taken my mom from me, cause she was tired, lonely, and in so much pain. suicide was the only thing that ended all suffering that she felt. the thing is, i carry my suffering and hers now. living with this sense of a pointless life, just like she did. counting down the time. just like she did.

#Suicide #suicidelossurvivors #SuicideLoss #Depression #mother #SuicidalIdeation #Suicide

“I Could D;e Tomorrow”
Poem written by: Jim Irion

(https://journeymansrow.webs.com/apps/blog/show/47083876-i-could-d-e-tomorrow)

People who do not know what lies
behind these dull brown eyes.
Too preoccupied with your lives,
nor the time to ask me why.
Unfamiliar with mental health.
Inexperienced with how to help.
It's some of those who know better
that have made life a living hell.

People who have been intolerant
of free speech and opinion
have claimed to be anti-stigma,
but exclude me from their agenda.
"Stuff your "all due respect," Jim",
followed by blocked on Facebook.
Oh what bigotry I have been gifted
for just a single election vote.

People who identify as LGBT
have been encouraged to hate me.
Sympathy for his cancer scare.
Let me know what the tests show.
"Message me, say one bad word...
I will contact the law" (on you).
A threat for being compassionate?
He is popular and protected.

I hope he has no cancer, though.
Even if he punches me again in public.
I pitched my anti-bullying article
to another who blocked me on Facebook.
"im not sure this is of any interest
to anyone in the group".
Such ignorance from an LGBT member
bullied on a bus three years ago.

People who are so deeply consumed
by pettiness and bigotry...
What were those subtle "signs" again?
The ones many are late to see?
This intolerance, anger, and hypocrisy
is inexcusable if you ask me.
After all I could die tomorrow,
and would be missed by so many.

Not missed like that. I'm sorry.
As if I do not exist at all.
A cherished several, maybe fifty
if I am lucky and likeable,
would actually miss me when I'm gone.
More than I may ever truly know.
Bless your hearts. I love you all!
You know exactly who you are.

So, this could be a suicide note
to end my pathetic life.
It could easily be one day to live
before I die from a weakened heart.
What if I suffered through addiction,
or struggled with cancer?
I learned from Martin Luther King Jr.
Judge by content of character.

My Dad once taught me:
do not throw stones in someone's path.
One thing I learned from suicide:
all lives matter no matter what.
Can this world still be saved?
Just re-read this poetry.
Share it with those who hate you,
because I care about them too.

I've never believed in my future,
and in fact I still don't.
I am doing what I believe I must do.
I will make it. I have to.
I might not know how to save myself.
If there is a single breath in me
I will not give up on th;s.
Neither will I give up on you.

#MightyPoets
#Suicide
#SuicidePrevention
#SuicideLoss
#SuicideAttemptSurvivors
#suicidelossurvivors
#SuicideIdeation
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Autism
#ADHD
#SchizotypalPersonalityDisorder
#ItMattersHowPeopleAreTreated