whatdoido

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My nephews are home again today, and because my autism hates it for some reason (because of external stimuli and being overstimulated), I’m leaving. Again.

Pros:
- Finding a quiet space

Cons:
- Potentially being misgendered as someone who’s not non-binary (especially being misgendered as a girl)
- One of my triggers are the words c/v/d-19 (o, i), p/nd/mic (a, e), and q//r/ntine (ua, i) ⚠️(please, please, no one say these words in the comments 🙏🏽) ⚠️, and UNFORTUNATELY it’s pretty common in advertisements (which are almost freaking everywhere - thanks America /sarc) and I can’t even look at advertisements or even the outside world anymore since 2020. Once I accidentally look at a post or whatever (because I do that often) and one of those words appear, there goes my mood. It’s happened twice the last time I went out.

But I feel like I have nowhere else to go but outside in order to not feel overstimulated. This is ridiculous.

#fml #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Family #why #whatdoido

My boyfriend is really struggling with wanting to stay alive. I don't know exactly what is going on because he says he doesn't know how to describe it. But I, myself, have been through a good amount of unfortunate events and I know it was scary. I didn't have much help so I don't know how to help him. If you have any suggestions I would appreciate it. #whatdoido

I've battled trauma, Multiple Sclerosis and all the pain and worry that goes with it, mental health etc my entire life. My husband makes fun of me bc I'm on medication. He makes me feel so small everyday. He doesn't understand bc I look normal. He has never been to a doctor's appointment with me. I have imagining and proof. He calls me mammaw and I'm 35. I am beginning to hate him and starting to plot my way out. With covid around this is much harder. The fact I have zero money, everything is in his name and I don’t have a full time job. I do deliveries when I feel well but with Covid-19 being at it's worst it isn't worth it right now. I have a senior in high school to be a role model for. I honestly don't think he will ever understand and even more of a punch in the gut is, he probably doesn't care to understand. I put my life on the back burner for my daughter and needed to survive. I don't want to just survive anymore because it is killing me. #whatdoido #SOS #Divorce ?

I've battled trauma, Multiple Sclerosis and all the pain and worry that goes with it, mental health etc my entire life. My husband makes fun of me bc I'm on medication. He makes me feel so small everyday. He doesn't understand bc I look normal. He has never been to a doctor's appointment with me. I have imagining and proof. He calls me mammaw and I'm 35. I am beginning to hate him and starting to plot my way out. With covid around this is much harder. The fact I have zero money, everything is in his name and I don’t have a full time job. I do deliveries when I feel well but with Covid-19 being at it's worst it isn't worth it right now. I have a senior in high school to be a role model for. I honestly don't think he will ever understand and even more of a punch in the gut is, he probably doesn't care to understand. I put my life on the back burner for my daughter and needed to survive. I don't want to just survive anymore because it is killing me. #whatdoido #SOS #Divorce ?

My biological father is an abusive alcoholic. We never get along when we seldemly do talk. Yesterday my nana called me and told me that while he was drunk he decided to snort an entire baggie of heroin. He was given 4 doses of Narcan by the EMTs to revive him. He called me that night ddunk and was just talking about non sence. (Which is normal for him.) I am confused on how to feel. Of course i feel terrible for my nana having to deal with that and i dont want him to die but i want him to get scared enough so that he changes his life. A year ago he was on life support due to congestive heart failure. He made it out alive with his heart only functioning at 17%. What makes him think that he can just go back to what he was doing before and starting new drugs he has never done before. He has never been there for me. He only calls me when he is drunk. So why do i have this need to care? I know it sounds cold hearted but i dont want to care anymore. I dont want to worry anymore and most of all im tired of my nana dealing with this on a daily basis with him living in her home. ##Addiction ##why ? #NumbToThis #whatdoido ?

As long as I can recall my Father made promises to me and could never follow through with them. It all started when I was Taken out of his custody at the age of 3 and My grandparents were granted full custody Of Jason (My brother) and I. I was 3 and Jason was 6. My Father Todd was given the chance to fight to get custody back but failed to show up to court. So he was Given visitation rights. My Father would stop by whenever He remembered he had children. As I got older I started to realize what was really going on. I started to ask questions. My grandparents Mary and Gabe would always say I was too young. Until I hit 15. By then I had done recherche and then I found out why he lost custody and why he had stopped by whenever he felt like it and not weekly. It was all because of drugs and the abuse of alcohol. One day when it was a week past my 15th birthday he stopped by and had a present. When I answered the door he said happy birthday. I simply said thank you. When I opened the gift it was a doll. I had stopped playing with dolls when I was 13. So I lost my cool and told him about how I felt. How him stopping by whenever he wanted made me mad. I told him that all those empty promises he made Jason and I were a bunch of Bullshit. And I hated him for doing it. I told him off and after I did that I felt horrible. A week later My grandparents received a call from the hospital saying he tried to OD on pills and a lot of alcohol. He had been in a coma for 2 weeks before they told me. The one day I decided to go visit him. He wakes up. I was so emotional and mad and upset and scared and all these different things I didn't know what to think. I blamed myself for what happened. Later I found out it wasn't my fault His Girlfriend pushed him over the edge. After that I didn't talk to him for a while. Then I did. Then I didn't. He and I haven't talked in 3-4 years because of everything he has done. I tried to offer to help him get cleaned up. He said he tried that already. It didn't turn out well….I just don't know If I should reach out to him and see If he wants to try again now that I am almost 19. #whatdoido

I'm stuck in a depression/anxiety rut and I can't crawl my way back out. This time around has been an especially tough one. #stuckinarut #rut #Low #depressedaf #momwithdepression