nauseous

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    Venting - Sorry. So stressed and too much anxiety

    I am just venting. Sorry... no disrespect or anything. Just need it off my chest. It is written as if I am talking to someone as it was easier that way to get my thoughts out. I am mid anxiety attack so hopefully it makes a lil'sense haha. ******

    I never hid my blood was messed up AND I never had an issue with it for 7 yrs...I had no warning. No signs or symptoms... I never lied to you. I never cheated you or hid anything. I was supportive. Constantly giving to you. Defending you. Helping you. Loving you.

    When I got sick in December, you said and did things that meant the world to me. You promised right to Sunday, that we were okay - you would help me in my surgery recovery. You would not let me deal alone.
    Your mother says I am to leave you alone. You say now not to rely on you for anything and that you need time to work out why you have been sad and angry for several months long before I had medical crisis. Knowing I need you now - knowing I am beyond terrified. You turn your back. After you asked your job to talk time off to help me. Why?
    You say I didnt do anything wrong, has nothing to do with me being sick -

    But how can I not wonder if it is? I am a chronic overthinker. I am emotional now as I am stressed and scared. I cannot sleep without seeing the blood everywhere. I cannot sleep without a nightmare anymore. Is there someone else? Did I do something? Why am I not good enough? Why? Why show love in front of others but not me in private? I am in love with you - are you in love with me still? I miss you.

    Why am I more worried about supporting you now; when I am the one who could die in a moments notice? Why am I bawling and thinking of your wellbeing?

    My anxiety has me physically throwing up and chest pains. I almost went to hospital it was so bad yesterday.

    Go ahead. Take your time but why push me away if I am not to blame?

    I hear your words but see different actions. I would go to the end of the world for you. Your mother says it will be a long time but won't tell me what is happening and you won't tell me. I am dumb enough to wait for you. Even after I will be dealing with my surgery and recovery alone.

    I feel so alone, lost and defeated. I can't close my eyes without seeing that day replay. When the hospital resusitated me, I was happy to have your kisses and love with me. I am sorry I am in pain, terrified, emotional and not thinking clear... I appreciate you. I am sorry. I am so sorry I almost died. I never meant to traumatize you if it did. I didnt know it was happening til I woke up in the ambulance. I am sorry. I am so sorry.

    #hemoglobincrash #hemorrage #ptsdnightmares #Anxiety #Surgery #scared #Loneliness #whywontthepainstop #nauseous

    11 reactions 3 comments
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    When #Anxiety makes you #nauseous

    #Anxiety is #crippling in many ways we wouldn’t think related.
    You may lose your #Appetite and eat very little, but after eating just a bite of bread, you might feel #sick . #nauseous .

    #trembling and #feelingweak can also be attributed to #Anxiety .

    If you’re feeling #unwell , or #anxious , or perhaps don’t know you’re suffering with #Anxiety , see a dr. It’s a horrible state to be in.

    I hope this helps. Try to stay #calm , diminish noise,

    3 comments
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    Mom

    My mom pasted away this past Tuesday. Her funeral is this coming Tuesday. She got what she thought was allergies on May 5th and then went down hill from there. It took my siblings and I a month to convince her to go to the doctor because she wasn't getting better. We found out at the very end, she had stage four cancer. How did she not know? How were there no signs or symptoms? I'm having anxiety about going to her funeral because my younger brother is one of those controlling toxic people. I had to block him on my phone because his text messages are abusive and all over the place. I come from an abusive family and I think that is one of the reasons I have pushed them away. I'm positive my brother is going to say stuff to me when I go to mom's funeral. I'm not sure how to handle him. He pushes and pushes until I can't take it anymore. He brings up things he knows will hurt me on purpose. My sister says that's between you and him. Then sa

    He says y'all have never gotten along. But she doesn't get it because he doesn't talk to her like he does me. I'm so anxious I can hardly eat. #mom #Anxiety #Abusive #Toxic #nauseous #Funeral #cancerous

    11 comments
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    Too much on the brain. #overwhelmed #Anxiety #PanicAttack

    Im nauseous. I haven't felt this anxious in a long time and I hate the feeling. My body wont stop shaking which is pretty much its sign that im having a panic attack. I feel out of control like everything is going sour for me again. Im worried about my loans and loan payments, losing my new job because of budget cuts, moving and being officially on my own for the first time. I feel alone and my parents aren't hearing me. I've felt nauseous since this afternoon and my mom told me to keep an eye on it for covid which makes me feel worse. #scared #anxious #nauseous

    5 comments
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    My Kids are My #heroes

    My twin boys were raped. They're nine now they were seven when they told us about what had been happening since they were very little. They didn't know it wasn't normal despite the talks about "no one touches you here except a doctor , " etc. It was their godfather what I chose before they were born. You know the one who was supposed to teach them more about God and the Christian way of life It's been two and a half loooong years and although my boys have serious trauma-related issues ( one of them is too violent to attend school he's home on medical they insisted that they wanted to testify. They became adamant that he not be allowed to hurt anymore children and it was partly their job to make that happen. They are so strong stronger and smarter than I could every dream of being. They've told me that while "sometime they think of it and get mad they just remind themselves that he really has a sick mind and he needs help." I can't believe how forgiving they are. I have a lot to learn from them. They have been as courageous as they are strong. The days when my body and my mind feel like they're coming apart at the seams they are there hugging me rubbing my back getting me an ice pack a heating pad... I just can't believe their strength. I'm sorry I know this might be off topic but I've had this awful #Anxiety and tightness in my chest I guess they're panic attacks ever since we were finally in court and he took his crappy plea deal ( 15 years with 5 to serve... that's less time than he spent raping them from babyhood to 7 years old ) . I'm #nauseous and #scared for not reason then I want to #cry . I don't feel like I'm being strong for my boys when they probably need me the most.

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    Sent home from work sick....

    Well my day started off amazing! I was driving into work and my vision was getting all double and blurry and I said to myself, "oh this happens a lot shouldn't be anything much to worry about" I get into work and everything is spinning and my stomach is sooo nauseous and doing acrobatic tricks, I'm sweating and as white as my chef coat, two times I raced to the restroom down the hall, then I'm all getting stuff ready in the kitchen to cook breakfast and the server says, "Do you want me to call........?" my boss, and I say Yes! as I heaved myself over an industrial trashcan and vomited my guts out. I felt a million times better afterwards, probably a combination of eating something too fatty last night and vertigo kicking in, but none the less I still had to leave since I work in a healthcare facility and I would with an at risk population, vomiting is a straight ticket home no matter what. im lucky that I'm swimming in PTO hours or I'd be angry about the whole thing. Just not how I wanted to start my day. #Vertigo #Fibromyalgia #Vomiting #nausea #nauseous #senthomesick