I used to love taking showers. Now I take showers either because I'm going out the next day or because I had a #PanicAttacks . Consider that I only leave my apartment 3x per month unless I have appointments... So most of my showers are from panic attack. I scrub my face raw, I wash my hair 3x and scrape my scalp until I'm comfortable with it. I scrub my hands and under my nails, or whatever is left of my nails.
Tonight I took a shower cuz I'm going out at 10am to get groceries. Unfortunately I'm having some unpleasant after effects. I'm sweating a lot. Like rivers of sweat pouring down my neck and legs. This always happens after I shower because of a panic attack. But I feel fine.
I'm very stressed out. I decided to quit smoking cold turkey. At least that's the goal. I've tried cold turkey so many times in the last 2 years. And I'm happy smoking my cigarettes and sipping my coffee and listening to music and talking to my friends... But my girlfriend doesn't like cigarettes. She has legit reasons. And I want her to be happy. I don't want her to be repulsed by me smoking. So I have till August to quit. Let me make myself perfectly clear... I am without what makes me calm during stressful time. I am without what keeps me comfortable with my trash heap life. And I'm probably gonna be much more depressed, anxious, and sad than normal. This is one of those moments when I wish I could be locked in a room for a month without cigarettes.
I drank 2 16oz cups of IQ Joe today. I didn't get the jitters or crash. I felt good enough today... until 2 hours ago. But I'm going to try to drink more IQ Joe for the next week. I have 3 fourths of the bag of sticks left. If I do 2 per day then I got roughly 10 days left. I decided I prefer the vanilla spice flavor better than the mocha.
I've got art group tomorrow afternoon. I'm gonna do a project of my own. It involves folding a piece of paper in half and drawing your name across the fold and then cutting around your name. When you unfold it, it's time to use your imagination to decide what the shape is! When I was in 3rd grade I got to teach my class how to do this project and it was so much fun.
#check #CheckInWithMe