check

The migraine finally went away. I ate lunch and took 2 Excedrin and it helped. I don't feel sick anymore! My ex girlfriend isn't home yet and flutter is camping with her boyfriend this weekend. I feel very lonely right now. I think I'll make a hot dog for dinner. I really want a chicken sandwich from Burger King. I took a little nap today. I'm gonna go outside after my phone charges up a little bit. #Relationships #Migraine #check

She's exhausted and not packing. She spent 4 hours organizing the trash. She's upset with me for saying she hoards trash. But she does. She actually counted how many empty yogurt cups she has. It's over 600. She still has a bad full of neatly folded broken paper Aldi bags. She claims she has long COVID. But she hasn't been diagnosed. She hasn't been taking her estrogen cuz she ran out and has to have labs done to be able to get a refill. She's not well. Not even close. But when she moves in with me she's got rules. She's going to pay me $250 per month. That covers my rent and electric. That way I can pay off my credit card. I'm gonna get another laundry bag from the service I use. So many of my friends are upset with me taking care of my ex. They want me to walk away. But she's my sister. I don't give up on my family. She's probably the only reason I'm still alive today. Her decision to kick me out 6 years ago led to me getting my own apartment. I'm the most stable and happy I've ever been. I'm more ready to help her get her life back on track. She'll be ok.and so will I.

#check

I used to love taking showers. Now I take showers either because I'm going out the next day or because I had a #PanicAttacks . Consider that I only leave my apartment 3x per month unless I have appointments... So most of my showers are from panic attack. I scrub my face raw, I wash my hair 3x and scrape my scalp until I'm comfortable with it. I scrub my hands and under my nails, or whatever is left of my nails.

Tonight I took a shower cuz I'm going out at 10am to get groceries. Unfortunately I'm having some unpleasant after effects. I'm sweating a lot. Like rivers of sweat pouring down my neck and legs. This always happens after I shower because of a panic attack. But I feel fine.

I'm very stressed out. I decided to quit smoking cold turkey. At least that's the goal. I've tried cold turkey so many times in the last 2 years. And I'm happy smoking my cigarettes and sipping my coffee and listening to music and talking to my friends... But my girlfriend doesn't like cigarettes. She has legit reasons. And I want her to be happy. I don't want her to be repulsed by me smoking. So I have till August to quit. Let me make myself perfectly clear... I am without what makes me calm during stressful time. I am without what keeps me comfortable with my trash heap life. And I'm probably gonna be much more depressed, anxious, and sad than normal. This is one of those moments when I wish I could be locked in a room for a month without cigarettes.

I drank 2 16oz cups of IQ Joe today. I didn't get the jitters or crash. I felt good enough today... until 2 hours ago. But I'm going to try to drink more IQ Joe for the next week. I have 3 fourths of the bag of sticks left. If I do 2 per day then I got roughly 10 days left. I decided I prefer the vanilla spice flavor better than the mocha.

I've got art group tomorrow afternoon. I'm gonna do a project of my own. It involves folding a piece of paper in half and drawing your name across the fold and then cutting around your name. When you unfold it, it's time to use your imagination to decide what the shape is! When I was in 3rd grade I got to teach my class how to do this project and it was so much fun.

#check #CheckInWithMe

My scalp is itchy, flaky, and has scabs. My ears are itchy with thick dry skin. My face has been itching so much and I've tried not to scratch it but I've managed to make it bleed. My head is the only place I have psoriasis, thank goodness. I've been using ketoconazole shampoo for the last two years with no improvement. Now I use an extra strength head and shoulders shampoo and conditioner. My hair is softer and my scalp is not as bad as before but that's not saying much.

Do any of you guys gals and nonbinary pals have psoriasis on your head? What have you tried?

#check

My right hip really hurts. It's been hurting for 3 days now. I got the cortisone injections last month and it seems they didn't work.

Yesterday I got some really yummy sugar free snack bars and protein pastry rolls. I tried one of the pastries and it was delicious. I also got a Swiffer wet jet from Amazon. I'm gonna mop my kitchen floor.

I took 3 bags of trash to the dumpster yesterday. I had trouble cleaning cuz my hips were really messed up. I took a Percocet but it didn't help. I've got a lot to do today. I'll get it done. I'm gonna just have to push through the pain.#check

So they had trouble finding a vein for the IV. They stuck me 3 times. Eventually they found one in my left wrist. Hurts like hell. But at least they found one.

Findings from the colonoscopy:

*Congested mucosa in ileum- biopsied

*Ulcers in the ileocecal valve- biopsy

*Congested erythematous and vascular pattern decreased mucosa in the entire colon- biopsied

*Internal hemorrhoids

After the colonoscopy I went to Starbarks and got a frappuchino. Then I got my hair cut. Then my friend and I went to a restaurant for lunch. My food didn't agree with me. I was still experiencing prep.

I was exhausted so I decided to take a nap. Yeah... I woke up at 3am. Oops#check

Well, let me check-in with you all. Currently, I am walking through yet another tough season. Without much detail, I am medically better but unemployed due to a work injury. Had an employment interview scheduled today but the interviewer failed to arrive at the virtual interview. Nice.😞! The day turned into a somewhat emotionally draining day after that experience.

However, after a brief analysis, I find that I still seek to become someone who gains praises from others. This trait is revealed each time I happen upon some social media site or even hear a Christian speaker or musician introduced. The verbal resumes full of accomplishments tend to breed one foundational reaction in me: coveting!

This coveting is often revealed in prayers like, “Lord, when will I reach my destiny” or “Father, I can’t wait to be released to reach the masses…for your glory.” Riiiight.

My coveting prayers are not voiced in those exact words. But I truly slide into a place of despair when I start my comparisons with those “celebrity” followers of Christ. As Christ reminds of his fate on this earth as I think of the upcoming holiday: Easter, which has nothing to do with sugary bunny rabbit treats. 😉!

Actually, asking God the Father and The Christ to make me a famous “Christ-like” person is a bit ironic considering his “famous” death allows me the luxury of even conversing with the Most Holy Lord. Hmmm? Christ celebrity status was based on him giving up his status…right?🤔

So, after relaxing, I hop on this site. Share my heart. Expose my inward drive, fueled often by competition, that is really the driving motivation urging me to be like Christ, in front of others, according to my will being done. No condemnation, really. I am just tired of me pouting about another’s life even after reading Jesus’s last words in the book of John: paraphrasing- Peter, if I ask him to do something what is that to you??? 😉!

I hope my shared thoughts stir others to dialogue with me, in the comments, as we walk through life together, facing the storms, whilst remaining close to #TheMighty One! I could handle your prayers for peace and employment. ❤️

#Anxiety #Recovery #insecurity #unemployment #Christianity #TheChrist #Easter #Resurrection #christ -like #Humility