Dear
I just wanted to tell you that it really bothered me when you told me “you guys need learn how to cope with your shit” I think that I would be doing a disservice to myself if I didn’t try to explain it better.
I will give you some background about myself.
As you probably knew I grew up in a very broken environment.
I have experienced a lot of childhood trauma that I would never wish on anyone.
Some things I can talk about & there are some things I won’t tell anyone because of how awful & painful it is to bring up.
I was constantly moved around as a kid, everyone always left, including my mother, eventually she’d come back (with a new boyfriend, & there were many), then leave again when shit went sour (meaning her boyfriend would end up in jail/prison, or the drugs were all gone). If I needed to get ahold of her, I would attempt to call her & she would ignore my calls for days on end. My mom would also go on benders & disappear.
I never had a steady home growing up, ever.
First time I was homeless was at 13 years old, I remember being so angry at my mother, we were in the car and she had went into the store(she always took forever because stores in Vegas have slot machines, she also had a gambling addiction). I forgot my shoes in the house we got evicted from & we could not grab our stuff at that moment, I had looked through the backpack I had to quickly pack when the police woke me up out of dead sleep and told me I had to leave my house, all I could find was two bandanas in this backpack, so I tied them around my feet, grabbed the few things I had & left my mother’s car & started walking to a friends house.
I luckily had some of the greatest friends who would let me stay at their houses and their parents would welcome me into their home.
Unfortunately it was always a vicious cycle of me couch hopping, my mother would finally get in contact with me telling me she found us a place to stay, but that always came along with a new boyfriend, new meth head friends, and promises that we won’t have to move again. Throughout these cycles I lost every thing that was ever mine, furniture, clothes, sentimental items, electronics, jewelry (that most likely my mom pawned). Which I think is why as an adult now I seem to enjoy any of my belongings more than a normal person would.
My upbringing was not easy. I suffer from abandonment issues, which makes me insecure about my relationships. I always think everyone will get tired of me & just leave. When things are going good, I get very anxious because I think something bad is going to happen. I have trust issues from constantly being lied to over the years. My mind is my worst enemy, but after the childhood trauma, neglect, abuse, abandonment, I am still learning how to cope with it as a 25 year old adult. My main point of writing this is when you say “learn how to cope with your shit” just know I am, every.damn.day. I rose from the ashes of my broken childhood but with scars that will follow me forever
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