circulation

I feel like my mitochondria are suffocating.
I feel like my cells lack oxygen.
Laying down, I feel like I’m being crushed by bricks.
My heart is beating too fast, too hard. I feel it through the thin wall in my chest and it throbs.
My circulation feels cut off when I lay on my arm.
My muscles ache. They twitch and spaz.
This fatigue is incomprehensible.
When I lay on my side, one knee atop another, the contact of bone is uncomfortable.
I want to scream, but lack the energy to do so.
I’m hungry, but too weak to get up to get food.
I’m exhausted, but can’t sleep.
I’m in pain, but meds require too much from me to get up and take them.
I’m bored, but too brain-fogged to do anything productive.
My arms won’t hold a book up.
My fingers are weary from typing.
My eyes are too sore to look at a screen.
I’m too sick to work but apparently not sick enough to get disability.
I only make it into the doctors office on good days.
I want to enjoy my good days; pretend I’m not sick; then to everyone else it looks like I really am not sick.
I’m in too much pain to go on, but not severe enough to get help from the ER.
My doctors don’t have answers.
Other practitioners treat me like a guinea pig.
Everyone has their idea of what will “fix” or “cure” me, or what I’m doing wrong.
It hurts to lie down. It hurts to stand. To sit, to walk.
I move from my bed because I hurt, then back to my bed because I hurt; all the meanwhile using energy I don’t have.
My spoons have run short. I think I’m on next year’s supply.
I wish I had a doctor who knew more about what’s going on with me than I do.

#LymeDisease #ChronicFatigue #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Muscle #Joint #ahces #Pain #Fatigue #exhaustion #nausea #Twitching #Hunger #tired #Spoonie #help #Relateable #mitochondria #circulation #Tachycardia