I'm getting really apprehensive about tomorrow.I am pacing around and can't settle. I am seeing my Dad. Last week, he had a major go at me on the phone saying how my tyre on my car was worn and wasn't legal. It was fine as it had only just had its yearly check. You will crash, you will kill a child, the police will arrest you , it won't be my fault as i have told you...its illegal. If you turn up without getting a new tyre by monday, i won't be getting in the car. He went on and on and on, having a rant at me like i was a child again. After 1½ hrs i managed to get off the phone. I was a wreck, it had already been an emotionally draining day. I went into a panic attack. I managed to get my youngest daughter on video call as , by this time, i was uncontrollably crying, i couldn't get my breath and thought i was going to pass out. Bless her she managed to get my breathing under control. I came off the phone and the feelings arose in me again , I had 3 days to get these tyres sorted. What if i couldn't?, what will i do on Monday he will miss his Covid booster nd it will be my fault. Panic again consumed me, and the only escape i had was to self harm.
Even though i do not need tyres i bought all four and managed to get them fitted before tomorrow. I spent money that i couldn't afford. All this because I am still scared of my Dad and the way he makes me feel. He still has a hold over me
#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Selfharm
Update:
Well, I made it through the day with my Dad. He still went on about the tyre, was being loud and making inappropriate comments about people walking passed us and other things. But because we were out I tried my best to switch off from my surroundings and his non stop talking, even though inside I was full of mixed emotions, and desperately wanted to get to the safety of my own home. I am so glad I found The Mighty. Being able to share my thoughts, worries, or anything else and having your support means so much. Thank you 😊