Foreveralone

Do you ever just feel that you’re not good enough. That you just don’t deserve happiness or that you’re just never gonna get happiness. I’m always afraid of that. I’m always afraid that I’m never gonna find anyone and I’m just going to be alone forever. I ever since my mom died when I was 11 I feel like there’s a part of me that’s missing. And everyone is getting Married and having kids and I am just stuck. Some days it’s fine other times at night especially that’s when all the thoughts come. #NotGoodEnough #Foreveralone

Last week consisted of virtual training...10 hours a day, 4 days a week. This week, I went on my first ride along. Everything was progressing nicely until the visit before lunch....we drove to a couple's house that just happened to be located in the subdivision where my abusive relationship began.

Driving through the neighborhood, I was transported right back to that fateful day....he invited me to crash a wedding he was a part of. I drove past the clubhouse and it seemed like it was just yesterday (it was almost 10 years ago now).

I thought I had it all under control. I thought I felt fine. We completed the visit and I drove back to the office...I could feel myself trying to go back to that day. I got home and continued to work, but I didn't feel right. All of the feelings of that relationship came rushing back when my husband didn't have dinner ready when I got off at late at night. I felt undeserving. Our son was nowhere near ready for bed. I felt used. Around midnight, he walked out the door. I felt abandoned.

Of course, I couldn't talk to him about it. My brain just kept telling me how useless I was. How I wasn't wanted. How I was burden and I just needed to be quiet. So, I slept alone...and today started with my walls up...
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ipushpeopleaway #Foreveralone #CheckInWithMe

The only thing I have been terrified of my whole life, is being alone. Here I am 43 yrs old, no life, unsure how to rebuild my life, (I don't really want to🤔), & all alone. 'Scared' doesn't even begin to describe this feeling. It's agony! 😟😞 #fridaynightthinking #overthinking #Foreveralone #BipolarDisorder #PTSD #Recovery #VonWillebrandDisease #Fear #dreadful #Shame #Guilt #Lovelost

I wish that process. we go through when dating was as easy as that

So I have been really #depressed and #anxious lately to the point where I have been signed off work on top of that my #Fibromyalgia is really testing me so to say I have been out of touch is an understatement. So I am sat ready to watch some tv when my BF messages me and basically to cut a long story short says we have drifted apart and feel more like friends and that I haven’t messaged him lately so now I’m also #Foreveralone guess I should have seen this coming at least now I have one less reason to go out #Introvert.

Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it will leave me too???

#abandonmentissues #Borerlinepersonalitydisorder #hopeless #Foreveralone

People say if you need anything ask. But you know they’re just saying that for their own peace of mind. My mom was never there. To the day only uses me for resources. Can never count on her for anything literally anything. Lovers come and got by bp1 is too much to handle. If it wasn’t for my beautiful babies I’d be out of this world. Tired of opening up and people lecturing on how you should feel or do. No end in sight. Hope I still have. Knowing that I’ll be forever alone #Foreveralone

Hurting a lot. Don’t really want to be alive. Feel like no one will ever love me. I’ll never be good enough. I feel like the pain will never stop and only keeps adding. How do you get through the roughest times? How do you find the will to stay alive when all you feel is pain and brokenness?
#Depression #Anxiety #Paranoia #Breakups #Suicide #Life #tired #help #CheckInWithMe #alone #Foreveralone