Innercritic

“Have patience with all things, but first of all with yourself.”— Francis de Sales

The phrase, “be kind to yourself,” is something we hear all the time. It’s everywhere on socials, printed on coffee mugs, and offered as advice whenever someone is struggling.

Simple enough, right?

Then why is it so hard?

Something about myself I realized is that I’m a lot kinder to other people than I am to myself.

If I see a friend struggling or having a hard day, I will always remind them that they’re doing the best they can. I tell them that everyone makes mistakes, that tomorrow is another day, and that one setback doesn’t define them.

Yet when it’s me?

The conversation sounds completely different.

Somehow, compassion becomes much harder to find.

Have you ever noticed that?

A friend forgets something important.

“No worries, it happens.”

You forget something.

“How could I be so stupid?”

A loved one needs a break.

“They’ve been through a lot. They deserve to rest.”

You need a break.

“I haven’t earned it yet.”

The standards we set for ourselves are often impossible to meet, yet we somehow expect ourselves to meet them anyway.

I’ve never understood why we’re so willing to extend kindness to everyone else while treating ourselves like we’re the exception.

I’m incredibly hard on myself all the time. I’ll rethink of moments past that make me cringe with embarrassment. Sometimes, it’s just a quick thought that gives me the willies. Other times, it stays and lingers for hours, even days to come.

There are moments when I forget something important. Moments where I’ll publish something and immediately second-guess why I put it out there. Sometimes when care-giving, I feel completely guilty for being tired and wishing I had more energy. I somehow always turn something small into a reminder of every flaw I think I have.

I think that for a long time, I started believing that if I stopped criticizing myself, I’d become lazy. That if I wasn’t pushing myself, I’d stop growing. If I lowered my expectations, I’d settle.

But I’ve started thinking if the opposite is true.

How much energy do we spend fighting ourselves?

How many mistakes become bigger simply because we refuse to let them go?

It’s been a learning process for me. And one in which has been slow to grow from.

I’m learning that my value isn’t tied to how productive I was today. That resting isn’t the same as quitting.

It’s hard to fight the loud inner critic, but some days, I forgive myself.

There are some days when I take a break without feeling the guilt of it. There are times when I choose not to replay a situation over and over again because I’m trying to focus on the present moment.

I think that self-compassion isn’t about always knowing the right thing to say to yourself. It’s rather choosing not to believe every cruel thought that crosses your mind.

It’s reminding myself that I’m just as deserving of patience as the people I love most.

When was the last time you showed yourself the same patience you so easily give to someone else?

#MentalHealth #Selfcompassion #selfcare #Neurodiversity #Innercritic #MightyTogether

#PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #triggers #CPTSD #innerchild #Selflove #Selfcompassion #selfforgiveness #curiosity #Innercritic

Does anyone else have a brain that can sometimes be downright abusive? Like a persistent negative inner monologue that constantly tells you how broken or stupid or useless you are? Because if I'm completely honest, I do. And this week that brain got the best of me. I was in a shame storm fueled by insecurity and a fear that no matter what I do I'll never be good enough. And it's exhausting.

After discussing it with my therapist I recognized that part of the problem is that we live in a culture where the very thing that we need to do to run a business or promote ourselves is the thing that's directly influencing the degree to which we feel like we are never going to succeed...and that is social media.

I'm ashamed of how much time I spend on social media, but without it, people don't notice my business or my writing. Without it I can't increase my followers which I need if I ever want to publish that book I've been working on. It's a constant exhausting hustle.

So my fellow PTSD community members, if you have a cacophonous inner dialogue, what tricks do you use to tame it and talk more kindly to yourself? I'm looking to YOU for support and maybe we can help one another be less self destructive.

#Trauma #Selftalk #PTSD #CPTSD #Innercritic

I want to experience love, joy peace and trust on all new levels in my life in 2022. My intention is to show up in therapy and in life consistently, in 2022. I will show up in ways that I get the work done in my inner world, and in my outward behavior, so that I make it possible for myself to begin experiencing an abundance of love, joy, peace and trust this coming year. I intend for world, to feel and gain strength from these positive energies, coming out of me. I want to consistently follow the light inside of me, remembering always that my “light,” is the presence of my eternal essence. I intend to disengage from maladaptive and unskillful coping tool, in order to highlight my newer skills, which I have been successfully practicing for some time now. I intend to challenge my inner critic’s harsh words. I intend to trust and ask my wiser self for guidance. Instead of listening to the harsh words of my inner critic, my wiser self will help me offer myself compassion. Instead of following my “Nothing MattersPart” or “My Rebel Part” into (impulsivity, anger, rage, reactivity, revenge, retaliation, self recrimination, shame) and into a “burn myself down,” scenario……I, instead intend to listen to my wiser self guiding me to breathe, to be still, to observe, to feel, to sit with it, to respond, to love, to forgive, to be kind, TO BE PRESENT. I intend to commit to play till the end of the “game.” I intend to move the “ball” forward for MY mental health team. Since, I have a major triggering event coming up, that I have no control over…. I intend to remember that no one can control my behavior except me. I will remember to take breaks from triggered states, soothe myself or ask for help. This is also a general rule of my safety plan which I intend to stay on PERMANENTLY. I intend to bring light and happiness to my loved ones and to be kind, always, to those around me. I intend to be less self- absorbed by focusing on gratitude and compassion understanding and kindness toward others. I intend to grow my relationship with God through all of the personal actions I now undertake, especially through my new personal prayer life. I intend to grow my relationship with myself, which is the ultimate intention of these other than my intention toward God. I intend to continue integrating all of my parts with acceptance and love so that I may become wholly integrated, safe and at peaceful with myself.

#intentions #wiserself #parts #innerchild #CPTSD #Innercritic #Shame #Behavior #peace

I think, for me, the worst words used to describe me and my symptoms have to be "attention seeking" or "lazy"

Others include
"Manipulative"
"Entitled"
"Twisted"
"oversensitive"
"needy"
"over thinker"
"dumb"
"pessimistic"
"miserable"
"ignorant"
"rude"
"stroppy"
"petty"
"self absorbed"
"paranoid"
"victim complex"
"drama queen"
"childish"

How do you challenge this way of talking and prevent it becoming part of your own inner monologue? Because, I will be honest, I'm not the kindest person to myself and some of these words I have used on myself, they have not always come from people around me, whilst some words are words used to hurt or invalidate me in the past that I have taken on as part of the weaponry towards myself. I am a self bully and I need to stop. How can I challenge others' language if I am using it myself?

Does anyone else get where I'm coming from? How have you silenced your inner critic?
How do you separate your symptoms from your personality? How do you stop them from defining who you are?

#negativeselftalk #Selfworth #Innercritic #lowselfesteem #selfstigma

another painting I finished today. as part of my personal series the painful truth it’s about the self talk and self critic inside that tells lies. I’m on medication in the first place because my inner voice began to scream at me and I had a meltdown and kicked a hole in my parents couch. it told me I wasn’t good enough. I do a lot of art like this to shut it up and to tell others their not alone. #Selfharm #ArtTherapy #Anxiety #Depression #Innercritic