manipulation

“Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. Too late for second-guessing. Too late to go back to sleep. It's time to trust my instincts…
I'm through accepting limits ‘cause someone says they're so. Some things I cannot change but, til I try, I'll never know. Too long I've been afraid of losing love, I guess I've lost. Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost…Everyone deserves the chance to fly. And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free…”

“Don’t try to take this from me…Feels like I’m waking from the dead…I thought we could brave it all. I never thought that what would take me out was hiding down below. Lost the battle, win the war. Bringing my sinking ship back to the shore…starting over. There’s a time and a place to die, but this ain’t it. If there’s a future, [I] want it…[I] have some memories…they will remind me not to make the same mistakes again…”

“It got progressively harder to miss you…”

“[you say this is love]…but I’m still gone…I’ve got to make my peace. I’ve got to move on…[I had to wake up. I’ve] got the right to choose….[I’ve] got the right to choose. Real love, I wanna feel…real love. True love,…I wanna know what it means to really be loved “

“Reborn and shivering. Spat out on new terrain. Unsure, unconvincing, this faint and shaky hour. Day one, day one, start over again. Step one, step one, I am barely making sense, for now. I'm faking it 'til I'm pseudo making it…from scratch, begin again, but this time I as I. And not as We. Gun shy and quivering. Timid, without a hand. Feign brave with steel intent…Day one, day one, start over again. Step one, step one, with not much making sense, just yet. I'm faking it 'til I'm pseudo making it…from scratch. Begin again, but this time I as I, and not as We…”

“All the lonely shadow dances…It’s a solo song…only for the brave.”

“She was wise, full of magic and light. You could see it in her eyes….I saw it in her eyes”

“No need to hide little morning bird. You’re grown now. It’s safe now for your return…Bring all of you, broken pieces [too]…What you’re seeking’s been inside of you…don’t you change your tune. Show us the world from your own point of view. The more that you sing out the better we’ll be. Color us brighter with what you have seen…Bring all of you. What you’re seeking’s been inside of you…”

“There is a light at the end of the tunnel…’Cause now I know…there is a light inside of me. There was a shadow of a doubt but, baby, it’s never going out. There is a light inside of me”
~~~
“Just because you’re sad or grieving doesn’t mean you’re not grateful. And it doesn’t mean you’re not hopeful. Sadness is the soul’s way of saying, ‘This mattered.’ “

“If something so impossibly catastrophic and unimaginably awful can happen, then doesn’t it also mean that something impossibly beautiful and impossibly redemptive can happen?”

“I can’t say what will happen. But I can tell…[and] show [myself] what is possible”

#Relationships #EmotionalAbuse #manipulation #Grief

“All these changes feel like death. Yet my heart’s still pounding in my chest.”

“…all of his wounds ain’t an excuse for you to put up with how he treats you. You’re gonna give it all and give it all, but you won’t get it back…He wants your shimmer to make him feel bigger, until he starts feeling insecure…”

“…it’s an easy game to play, until we lose ourselves…[the bad habits of one become] the secondhand smoke of the other…say goodbye...He’s just another one takin’ and another one makin’ you cry…you’ve got another thing comin’ if you think he’s gonna change this time…”

“…I know there’s no peace in that. I can tell myself 1000 times…that maybe I just couldn’t see that there ain’t nothing wrong with us at all. But you keep playing games with me…[and] you break and you take and you tear me down…you say there’s nothing wrong, and I long to take you at your word…but everything with you is trying and I don’t wanna keep on crying…I’m the only one…I’ve been telling everyone I’m fine, but I feel like I’ve lost my mind…”
“I know I should trust my gut…I hate the way you break and you take and you tear me down”

“Everything’s alive and wild and dying. There’s beauty in the sweat, the blood and the crying. I played house for a while and I got lost in the trying…since I was a child I’ve been fighting. I am an animal. Wild, undeniable. A miracle, a mess; ethereal, blood and flesh…Our stories and plans are so defining. The future and the past are both bad timing…the leaves are changing reminding me that I am an animal. My wild’s undeniable…My body is soft, but all teeth can cut. The animal is in all of us…”

“Just ‘cause you can’t beat them don’t mean You should join them”

“…I’m sick of suckin’ in, just to let you win and make you feel big…I’m sick of helping out, just for the chance to give and take it on the chin. And I’m sick of wearin’ down, so I can crash when I finally wear out.”

“There is no good reason
I should have to be so alone
I'm smothered by this emptiness
Lord, I wish I was made of stone
Like a fool, I lent my soul to love
And it paid me back in change…Now my sense of humor needs a break
I see a shadow in the mirror
And she's laughin' through her tears
One more smile's all I can fake. There is a wound inside me and it’s bleeding like a flood. There’s times when I see a light ahead but hope is not enough
And another night surrounds me and it pounds me like a wave.”

“You are not my friend,
I cannot pretend that you are.
You made it sting,
Your voice is ringing,…You are not my friend,
I cannot pretend anymore.
You found a place no one should ever go…”

“Sayin’ I don’t know would be like sayin’ that the sky ain’t blue…You can have your space….I ain’t gonna fence you in…‘Cause I know my place, and it ain’t with you. Sunsets fade and love does too. Though we had our day in the sun, when a horse wants to run, ain’t no sense in closing the gate. You can have your space…you can have your space…”

“You can’t get what you want from me. And I can’t get what I need from you.”

“…the landslide brought me down…what is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changing ocean tide? Can I handle the seasons of my life?…I’ve been afraid of changing ‘cause I built my life around you. But time makes you bolder…and I’m getting older…”

“All these changes feel like death. Yet my heart’s still pounding in my chest…all these changes won’t kill me…metamorphosis. Give it a little more time…Been through pain…I find strength in the faith of letting go…Give it a little more time…a little more time…Change this big feels like death, but I believe it’s for the best…”

#Relationships #EmotionalAbuse #manipulation #PsychologicalAbuse #Grief

Medical kidnapping and illegal seizure are terms rarely used in the medical, psychiatric and law community, but they are real terms. You can read about medical kidnapping on Attorney Allison Folmar web site. To explain it to you in terms you may understand. For example, you take you child to the doctors and your complains are regarding their vaccinations. You explain to the doctor that your child had a reaction to the previous vaccination and you do not want to get any more for your child. The doctor does not agree with you and tells you that if your child does not get the vaccine they will cite you for medical neglect, eventhough your child has had all their other vaccines, but due to your refusal the medical personnel at the hospital calls CPS and they arrive. CPS states that since you refused medical treatment, your child needs these vaccinations and that is why they are having medical problems, you disagree, but since the hospital made the call the Social Worker states they have to take the child. This was one example of medical kidnapping.

What was done wrong? Nothing

What could the parent have done differently? Nothing

Where her rights violated? Yes

Where did the child go? The CPS worker took the child to enter foster care, while the case is being created for you to go to court.

Is this legal? No, but Medical kidnapping is crime, but many Attorneys do not practice specifically in this type of crime and do not refer to it as such. Within the medical kidnapping, you have violations of other laws that aren't followed, such as civil rights violations, the 4th, 8th and 14th amendment. Depending on the state you live in there may be other violations.

How can this happen? Financial Incentive

Everytime a child comes into state care, the federal government pays the state agency money for each child. If your child has a disability that comes into foster care, the state receives additional money; therefore, the more kids in care, the more money the state receives. Now, to be fair and honest The State of Maryland Baltimore City Department of Social Services are mandated to uphold policies and procedures to ensure children are safe, but if you don't have an administration that is abiding by the laws, policies or procedures then your rights are violated.

Who advocates or speaks up for the child and parent? Y.O.U

If there are specific questions that need to be answered, please provide them. #Abuse #SocialServices #FosterCare #cps #medicalkidnapping #parentalalienation #narcissistic #triangulation #manipulation #Children #MentalHealth #lawyer

In the next part of this journey I will provide certain laws and terminology used, so you can understand them.

Today was the second meeting of my depression therapy group. It runs from 10-11:30am weekly, and the facilitators were quite strict about attendance and punctuality in the first meeting. I entered the building at exactly 10am after a 30 minute walk to get there (bus drivers are on strike). The receptionist said that they had already gone back to the meeting room and that I had to sit and wait until the facilitator came to check for stragglers. I didn't like being characterized that way since I had arrived on time.

After waiting ten minutes, the facilitator came to get me (everyone else had apparently arrived earlier than 10am). I told her that I had come on time because I was worried that she would think badly of me since she had to interrupt the session to come get me. I asked if I needed to arrive early and she said no. I told her that the situation made me feel very anxious. The session itself went fine, but it took me at least thirty minutes to calm down enough to take it in.

I felt a bit manipulated in this situation by a "moving the goal posts" action - that is, I was told 10am was "on time" but then when I showed up at 10am, I was somehow "late". I know that I was triggered by this because my narcissistic ex used to do things like this to me all the time. It doesn't help that the facilitator was in a position of some authority - I had been on a waitlist for so long and I didn't want to lose the opportunity to be part of this group.

I've had a few of these situations happen lately and while I always maintain my composure in the moment (a lifetime of practice 🙃), I don't like the fallout afterward. I've been feeling it all through my body this afternoon.

I understand that this was a very minor issue, and that no one was hurt by it. But I feel like I am at a place in my journey where I just don't want to deal with these things anymore. "You're going to manipulate me? Fine. You don't get access to my life anymore." It's like an overreactive way to take back my power. I have felt so powerless for most of my life and now that I've learned how to get perspective, I'm just done with it. I don't want it in my life.

Realistically, though, these situations are going to constantly come up in my life because humans do these things. Even I do them to others. I am still figuring out how to navigate relationships in a healthy way.

#manipulation #Gaslighting #movingthegoalposts #Relationships #EmotionalAbuse #NarcissisticAbuse #Therapy #GroupTherapy #power #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety

My father and I shared a close relationship for 48 years until my mother died. I'm an only child. I had a difficult relationship with my mother due to her aggressive personality and insistence that she was always right. She died 7.0.0.5 years ago and while she was dying and immediately afterwards - unbeknownst to me he established a relationship with a woman who became my mother's best friend while she was dying from pancreatic cancer. He didn't tell me about this new relationship until they had already become committed to each other. My father always had narcissistic tendencies, and his new woman (whom he married a year to the day after my mother's funeral) indulges him in these tendencies to the point where he became insufferable. I haven't seen him in seven years or spoken to him in six. It is on my heart to do something about this, but because I intrinsically knew he was lying in the beginning I couldn't accept this new relationship. Since then I have found out that he has repeatedly lied and defamed my and my wife's character to many people, while trying to contact me maintaining that he doesn't know what he's done wrong.

Is there any point to trying to re-establish contact with my father at this point?

#narcissism #manipulation #Lying

#BipolarDisorder I'm sick to the back teeth of people in general not actually listening to what I am saying. When I say no I mean no #Family #manipulation #Gaslighting Us with bipolar are not stupid or naive we are anything but 🙏