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Living with BPD: It’s Not Just Intense Emotions — It’s a Whole Wild Roller Coaster
You know that moment when a roller coaster creeps up to the peak of the tallest hill, pauses just long enough for your heart to thud in your chest, and then plunges you into freefall? For me, that’s not just an amusement park ride — it’s an everyday experience. Welcome to life with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
I didn’t ask to get on this ride. And if you’re reading this, chances are you didn’t either. But here we are, strapped in, white-knuckling it through twists and turns that often feel impossible to predict. People call us “too intense,” “overly dramatic,” or “hard to handle.” But the reality of BPD is so much more than that.
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More Than Just Mood Swings
BPD isn’t just about mood swings; it’s like feeling every emotion at full volume — joy so ecstatic it hurts, sadness so deep it’s suffocating, anger that flashes like lightning and leaves wreckage in its wake. Imagine trying to live your life with the emotional sensitivity of a sunburned soul. Everything hurts just a little more.
When someone says something offhand, they might as well have thrown a dagger. When a friend doesn’t text back immediately, the fear of abandonment isn’t just a whisper — it’s a scream.
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Identity Crisis, Anyone?
For years, I didn’t know who I was. Not in the casual, “I’m still figuring things out” kind of way, but in a frantic, shape-shifting way. My sense of self was a collage of scraps, held together by the shaky glue of other people’s opinions.
One minute, I was the life of the party — confident, spontaneous, a social chameleon. The next, I was drowning in self-doubt, questioning everything about who I was, who I’d been, and who I was trying to become.
I started to rebuild my identity by asking myself small, simple questions:
• What brings me joy?
• What values do I want to live by?
• What kind of person do I want to be?
It was a slow process, but every answer became a building block for a more stable self.
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Relationships? A Wild Ride
Let’s talk about relationships. BPD can turn them into an emotional high-speed chase. I loved too hard, trusted too little, and always carried a deep fear that people would leave me. Because sometimes, they did.
I’d push people away before they had a chance to leave. I’d cling too tightly when I thought they might go. The irony of desperately wanting connection but being terrified of it? Yeah, that’s BPD for you.
But I’m learning to find balance. I practice setting boundaries (even when it’s scary), and I remind myself that healthy relationships are built on mutual trust and respect — not fear.
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So, How Do You Survive the Ride?
Here’s the thing: living with BPD isn’t just surviving. It’s learning to navigate the roller coaster without flying off the tracks. It’s about finding ways to ground yourself when everything feels like too much.
For me, that meant understanding that my emotions, while intense, are not my enemies. It meant practicing self-care (yes, even when it felt cliché), learning to recognize my triggers, and embracing the idea that asking for help doesn’t make me weak — it makes me brave.
Here are a few grounding techniques that help me when the ride gets overwhelming:
• 5-4-3-2-1 Method: Name 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste.
• Deep Breathing: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, and repeat.
• Cold Water Shock: Splash cold water on your face or hold an ice cube to jolt yourself back to the present moment.
And humor helps, too. Because sometimes, you have to laugh at the chaos just to keep going.
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You Are Not Broken
If you’re reading this and you have BPD, I want you to know something: You are not broken. You are not beyond hope. You are not “too much.” You are someone who feels deeply, who loves fiercely, and who is doing the best you can with a brain that sometimes makes life hard.
BPD may be part of your story, but it doesn’t get to write the whole wild book. You are the author of your journey.
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Want More Real Talk About BPD?
I wrote a book, BPD: Your Questions, Answered (Honestly), because I was tired of clinical jargon and sugar-coated advice. This book is for us — the ones on the roller coaster, the ones trying to make sense of it all. It’s raw, it’s honest, and yeah, it’s a little funny too.
If you’ve ever felt like no one gets it, I promise: I do. And you don’t have to ride this roller coaster alone.
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Corey Welch
Mental Health Advocate | Author
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