partial hospitalization program

Somehow, after successfully completely two different treatment programs, attending years of consistent therapy, finding a helpful combination of meds, and being incredibly open about my story and diagnoses, I somehow began to operate under this unspoken pressure to be “better.”

With the holiday season and now the arrival of the long awaited “2020” year, I noticed something. By advocating for therapy and the freedom to feel and express emotions, I started to place this barrier between . I often talk about how finishing treatment and taking my meds doesn’t mean I never struggle - it just means I now have more tools to handle bad days. Yet, for some reason, when bad days come, I feel this weight of condemnation. I catch myself saying “This should not be happening.” When I am symptomatic, I hate myself for having an illness. With the new release of my debut single as an artist, of my hopeful anthem “This Is It” and the almost completion of my EP Brave Enough, I have become aware of an intensifying need to be “better.” Better in this use of the word doesn’t mean “improvement” - it means “cured” and “perfect” and “beyond that whole ‘mental illness thing’.

One of my favorite things I learned in treatment was the existence of dialectics, a world in which two distinct things need not be mutually exclusive. Sometimes I don’t treat myself like I can live in that world, while simultaneously giving everyone else the grace to live there. Lately, I’ve been treating myself like I can’t be encouraging and inspirational and also struggle, like I can’t be better and still in the process of healing, and like I can’t sing life into hopeless places and sometimes have doubt myself. So, to combat this, I decided to connect with others who know this plight. I decided to not isolate myself from people with minds and heart ssimilar to mine. It’s somewhat intimidating... AND I can be hesitant and still be brave. I’d love to build connections with others who might feel like this too. I know I’m not the only one. Today, I join the community. #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #CyclothymicDisorder #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #MoodDisorders #MoodStabilizers #AnorexiaNervosa #AtypicalAnorexia #BulimiaNervosa #EDNOS #OSFED #progressnotperfection #ResidentialTreatment #Inpatient #IntensiveOutpatientProgram #PartialHospitalizationProgram #Selfharm #stability #Isolation #Music #MightyPoets #MightyMusic

About a month ago I self-harmed for the first time in 5 years. Since then I’ve self-harmed 7 times. My doctor placed me in a partial hospitalization program. I’m trying so hard to resist urges to self-harm, but it’s a struggle. I haven’t self-harmed in 2 weeks, but I really want to; it’s almost like I need to. #Selfharm #PartialHospitalizationProgram

my psychiatrist and psychologist both think I need to do a partial hospitalization program. I'm extremely anxious about doing something like that. Anyone have any experience in a similar program good or bad that could give me some info on what it's like. #PartialHospitalizationProgram

I am going to my intake for PHP.... I should be getting ready but I keep stalling. I'm nervous.

I recently started my PHP for trauma/PTSD. And I’ve had some bad days. But I really love it. I think this is what I finally needed for me...and for my wife and future family.
But today is a bad day. I don’t think I can do this anymore. Any of it. My wife probably hates me. I hurt her feelings more than I could ever apologize for. I should never had said it. And I just want to run away and never come back. I love her. And I hurt her...😭 why?...I feel like she doesn’t listen to me. Or understand me. And she will never understand completely. But I need her to try harder even though she says she is trying. I can’t do this on my own.
Please everyone. Just send positive thoughts for us right now? Please. #PartialHospitalizationProgram #Depression
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#dissociativeamnesia
#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #Anxiety
#ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder
#PTSD
#Trauma
#Suicide

I've been accepted to a LGBTQ-specific PHP and will start Monday. At 5 hours long, the program is an hour shorter than all the others I've been in, so I'm happy about that, but the traffic will be a challenge. #PartialHospitalizationProgram #LGBTQ