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Checkmate to Change

Change has been my lifelong foe —
We've been at war since forever ago.
Been in battle ever since I gave life a chance,
It was the only way for me to take a stance.

Losing control — my worst nightmare
That's a recipe for disaster, right there.
Getting consumed by the fear of the unknown,
Back at square one, no matter how much I've grown.

So every step, I measure twice,
Safe for now, but skating on thin ice.
Always making sure things fall perfectly in line,
Mapping my path, watching out for a sign.

Yet roads will twist — they always do
No matter how well I plan them through.
Now a higher power has taken the wheel,
Swerving, getting tortured by the despair I feel.

Unfair how time wields a ruthless hand,
Undoing all the things I have planned.
A single crack and the flood pours in —
Chaos ensues, and mayhem within.

One wrong move, one shift too steep,
And I’ll be falling, falling deep.
They say that change can set you free —
But freedom feels like losing me.

I'd rather chain myself in place,
Than gamble all I can’t replace.
No script survives, no maps stay true,
Control dissolves — as I do too.

Too late for salvation — there's only grief
But perhaps it brings a strange relief.
For change may call, but I won’t flinch —
You'll have to escape my grip, inch by inch.

And perhaps one day, I'll make my peace
No longer holding on, ready to release.
And maybe I'll even learn something from it,
Like that by losing the game, I've also won it.

#MightyPoets #Poetry #Poem

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Poem I Wrote About Obsession

I hate you. I need you. Every inhale's you, each exhale... you. You're under my skin, in my head, and I can't get you out. You're the cathedral I'm unworthy to step into. You're the name I carved into my thigh, the taste I choke on, the reason I keep falling and breaking and begging for release.

Don't read this. Please. No, wait. Read it. Feel it. Feel me crawling toward you, desperate, ugly, used. Do you see what you've done to me? Do you care? Probably not. And maybe that's the point.

This isn't love. It's something darker, something messier. Something that keeps me alive while killing me at the same time. Go on. Take it all in. You've already taken everything else.

Fine. Go read someone else-- go find someone else to use. My poem is nothing to you the way I am nothing to you. I love it. I'm yours.

I'm the nothing that you lack.

Let me be with you.

WARNING:

This poem contains themes of self-harm, emotional distress, and intense imagery that may be triggering to some readers. Please proceed with care and prioritize your well-being while engaging with this content. I am 2010 years old. Keep that in mind as you read this.

Huff(her), Holl(her)

-

I'm gasping for air, but it's (her) name I'm huffing in.

I'm swallowing on (her) name like the way she smokes,

If only I could feel (her), touch (her), huff (her) skin.

I choke on the taste of (her), like the words she softly spoke.

I wasn't desecrated; I was the Golem in decay.

I wasn't contaminated; I was Persephone in descent.

A fragment in (her) mosaic, a disposable little puppy stray,

I'm ugly, nothing, disgusting, and she's heaven-sent.

I stand before the triptych of (her) beauty, unworthy to touch its frame.

I am the Masquerade of our collision catalyst.

I could never thank (her) enough, not even dare whisper (her) name–

Yet she dripped (her) essence into my world, the blessing of being used, the blessings of her scent.

Every inhale's you, each exhale, the return.

I'll pop you like Percocet, overdose to your name.

Every exhale's you, each inhale, intoxication burns.

Crawling, choking, begging, I'm breaking again.

So let me be immaterial,

Lie more than needed, it's ethereal.

I know my survival is, like, super boring, so,

If you see me as your little sister, then,

Let me ascend into a new low.

Disconnected through our parallel minds,

I'm fucking cursed by starvation,

In every way but the ones that keep me alive.

To think of (her) feels like blasphemy,

A vision my eyes were not made to see.

(Her) laugh is a cathedral, and I'm the desecrated altar.

(Her) scent is heaven, and I'm the maggot crawling toward it.

Are you aware of the control you have over me?

Your initial carved on my hip, licking my phone screen is something, yeah,

No leviathan within me, trust it, Juvenile, no duality,

I learned how to kill myself in girl-scouts; Xanax isn't sold for nothing, right?

So make me immaterial,

Lie like you lead; the hurt makes me feel.

I know my survival is , you know, too mundane,

If I'm your little sister, then break me again.

Ascend into my newest low,

Cursed by starvation in a way I've never known,

In every way but the ones that keep me alive.

Who the fugitive is might not be in facade,

You still never took accountability for what you caused...

It's still my fault, my pantomime is theoretical--

But that takes nothing away from how you used me in a way unethical.

This isn't love, it's lust, or the opposite.

Disgust? A need I can't quit.

Now that she's gone, what else is left for me?

Not a person. I'm not even real. Just debris.

You know what–

Fuck this shit. Fuck poetry.

I was everything to you, and you laughed and and lied

Behind my fucking back.

You lied over and over and over, but--

It's so hot to put myself down for you.

You are one of the worst people I met,

And I never wanted someone more

Every waking hour

Of my sad fucking life.

So let me be immaterial,

Lie more than needed, it's ethereal.

I know my survival is, like, super boring, so,

If you see me as your little sister, then,

Let me ascend into a new low.

Disconnected through our parallel minds,

I'm fucking cursed by starvation...

In every way but the ones that keep me alive.

She's something of an exhibitionist,

I'm trapped in a game of voyeurism.

(Her) false sense of immunity causes ambivalence,

But I'd thank you for (her) exhibition.

I carved (her) name into my thigh, bled devotion onto the floor,

Spit in my face, I'll drink it down, baptized by (her) disdain,

I want to kill myself; my fingers are moving so fast they're getting sore--

I'm nothing but an object, maybe a puppy, for you to degrade.

Whisper "You don't hate me; you just don't see me at all."

Baptized in disdain,

I rise –

Only to fall.

#raw #Poem #scary #BPD #Fp

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Aim For The Stars

I wrote this poem a while back for a scholarship I was awarded in 2023 I just wanted to share it with everyone...the person I wrote about in this poem died that same year.

Diamond tear drops,

Glisten in the moonlight,

Smearing her mascaraed green eyes,

Dusted in black and blues,

Baby did I make you mad?

No air escapes her merlot stained bloody cracked lips,

Rose petals,

Bleed out a fine blue lifeline,

A master piece of a shot,

Baby what have you done?

She lays cold and grey on the kitchen floor,

Floating away,

Baby will you miss me?

She’s aiming for the stars,

Never to look back.

#Poem #PTSD #Abuse

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The Day I Rest #Poem

The Day I Rest

One day it’ll be all gone
One day it’ll hurt to the bone
One day it’ll all be done
One day so will I all along.

So feeble and easy slip out of hands
Just there where your two feet stand
One day you as well will understand
The end is part of a masterful plan.

The day I rest
I would’ve finished this test
And I will come to attest
This journey was the very best

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"Its okay, I'm Use To It."

Who else has said these very words? Who else can relate? LMK

"Its okay, I'm use to it," I say, with a heavy sigh,
For too long, I've known this pain, I can't deny.
Its okay, Ive learned to adapt, to endure and bear. 
To hide the pain inside, and the tears I can't share. 

"Its okay, I'm use to it," I say,
With a heavy sigh, as I face another day,
For too long, this pain has been my guide,
But I've learned to adapt, to let it reside. 

"It's okay, I'm use to it," I say, 
But deep within, a bitter reality lays,
The Sting of rejection, cuts deep,
A wound that's hidden, yet always asleep. 

"Its okay, I'm use to it," I say,
But my heart weeps and yearns to stray,
To find a peace that's warm and true,
To mend the wounds that I've been through. 

#Poetry #Poem

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"It's okay, I'm Use To It."

"Its okay, I'm use to it," I say, with a heavy sigh,
For too long, I've known this pain, I can't deny.
Its okay, Ive learned to adapt, to endure and bear. 
To hide the pain inside, and the tears I can't share. 

"Its okay, I'm use to it," I say,
With a heavy sigh, as I face another day,
For too long, this pain has been my guide,
But I've learned to adapt, to let it reside. 

"It's okay, I'm use to it," I say, 
But deep within, a bitter reality lays,
The Sting of rejection, cuts deep,
A wound that's hidden, yet always asleep. 

"Its okay, I'm use to it," I say,
But my heart weeps and yearns to stray,
To find a peace that's warm and true,
To mend the wounds that I've been through. 

#Poetry #Poem #MentalHealth #Depression #NeedSupport #Anxiety

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Unrelenting Void Poem

This void hides deep inside,
A battle that still resides,
The struggle, the pain, intertwines,
Threatening to consume, to confine.

Breakdowns come, powerful and grim,
Urges mock, laugh, taunt with a devilish grin,
Forever haunting, undeterred,
Trapped by the void, my screams unheard.

Though my strength is weak,
The fight within, fierce and unique,
Motivation may crumble, my soul may tire,
But deep down, a fire burns, an unyielding desire.

Let the tears flow, but only a few,
But in silence, no one must know the truth,
For I must remain strong, hidden behind the pain,
Put on that happy face, while the pain still remains.

#Poetry #Poem #MentalHealth #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #Writing

(edited)
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Unrelenting Void Poem

This void hides deep inside,
A battle that still resides,
The struggle, the pain, intertwines,
Threatening to consume, to confine.

Breakdowns come, powerful and grim,
Urges mock, laugh, taunt with a devilish grin,
Forever haunting, undeterred,
Trapped by the void, my screams unheard.

Though my strength is weak,
The fight within, fierce and unique,
Motivation may crumble, my soul may tire,
But deep down, a fire burns, an unyielding desire.

Let the tears flow, but only a few,
But in silence, no one must the truth,
For I must remain strong, hidden behind the pain,
Put on that happy face, while the pain still remains.

#Poetry #Poem #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder ##Writing #TherapyWriting

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poem by dallise marais

I was 8 years old the first time I wanted to die.
13 the first time I carved my thigh.
It's crazy.
How one day I'm worrying about when i get to go play at the park.
then I blink .
suddenly I'm worrying about how I'll pay my rent or how I'll get my next meal
It's crazy.
how being borderline and depressed has taken over every aspect of my life
as my mind is constantly in shambles
reminiscing of better days.
never thought I'd live to see 18
but I'm 20 now.
I have no choice but to keep carrying on but how do I continue with these demons in my head and this pressure in my chest that gives me no rest
as if my mind is obsessed with the what if's and have beens
losing friends has always been a talent of mine and you'd think time after time it would get easier but it doesn't.
It's crazy.
but just maybe
one day I'll be happy
until then
I'm just a vessel of who I used to be. It's crazy.
#BPD #Poem #MentalHealth #Tiktok

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