"So I used to lie and say I had GI issues when I was having an anxiety or panic attack. Now I lie and say I'm having a panic attack when I'm having a flashback. Can we just #breakthestigma and it be okay for ppl to not be okay so they can just get better instead of working on injuries? Oh wait this is first response, we work with broken bones, energy levels, spirits, and wallets."
The above is a text I sent in a group chat to my work brothers after waking up too late to call out. I got hectically ready and cried on my way in to work. That was when it dawned on me I was having an #emotionalflashback . And it's been a week full of them.
I actually tried to put the wall up, push the emotions down, and well you know... try actively #Dissassociating from them and their pain knowing good and well that would mean not feeling the good feels either. But it seemed the only way to make it through shift with how the morning and week were going.
But then, surprise, one of my brothers stopped by my station on his way home. He stayed chatting with me and my partner till our first call dropped not too long after clocking in. It gave me the courage to drop the idea of disconnecting from my emotions.
A few hours and calls later, another of my brothers found himself totally unfazed by my "hug attack" in the hospital's er bay. He let me burn off some anxious, annoying energy before we parted ways. It was the boost I needed to keep going.
Neither mentioned anything about the text. Neither called me out in front of anyone else. Both just gave me a few more extra minutes then I'd normally get from them. And it made all the difference.
They know I have a hard time reaching out for help. Thankfully they make it easy and worth it. And, without them even realizing it, they gave me a much needed burst of hope to keep doing my therapy and not give up admid a long frustrating symptomatic week.
I'm lucky to have some understanding peers and blessed to call a few my brothers. Most throughout the branches of first response are not so lucky, at least not when it comes to mental health issues.
The shift isn't over yet, but I know I'll make it through it.
Why? Bc my brothers have my six.
2:25 AM I need to sleep... Love comes at 10.00 to go for a walk.
But sirenes, prickly eyes and the smell of a very big fire keep me awake.
Not far from my appartment my favourite second hand store is burning. It's a store where people with what we call 'a gap to the job market' work. They will be devastated monday morning.
#PanicDisorder #aniexty #Stress
I feel like scratching my whole body it itches and burns so, bad I cry . then I am freezing at the same time it's awful. Heart is racing , feels like I'm going to die.
Been happening alot more lately.
#itching #Fire #freezing #Burning #heart
I've been really struggling the last few months. I'm sure I'm not alone with this. I am normally a fairly positive and optimistic person but it feels harder than normal to continue to struggle. I feel selfish as I know people are in a lot worse position than I am.
Its heartbreaking to try and comprehend the scale of the fire disaster here in Australia. Dealing with the smoke for months is draining physically and mentally. It's going to take years or decades for our nation to recover if it ever can. We are really going to have rally and support each other to get through this, its more important that we do this than ever before.
Money and international support is only going to do so much, its up to us to bring our communities the aid and support that they need. This has to be done on a micro level on a massive scale. Cancel your international holidays and dreams, travel and support your local community and business wherever you can.
So today was really bad. I was stuck in my head listening to #VoicesInMyHead telling me “you’re horrible at your job they are probably going to #Fire you for being #stupid .” All fucking day!!! I just could not catch a break. Finally I told my supervisor I need #Fresh -air. So I went out for a walk just looking at the sky and let out the #Largestandloudest sigh. My head finally went #silent . No noise. It was a peace I haven’t had in years. I felt renewed when I returned and made the most of my day. The best part was coming home to my niece with a valentines for me. Simple and sweet. #betterdays #Ahead