Today marks 2 months of me not having suicidal ideation. It also marks 2 months since I was discharged from the psych hospital after spending 21 days fighting and fighting to stay alive.
I’m proud of myself. I am. This is huge. adrienne maree brown said that “Small is good. Small is all (The large is a reflection of the small). 60 days later and I can say that I am living proof of it.
I turn 24 exactly 4 months from today as well. So... man, I’m working to be here for my 24th birthday as well.
I am starting my Masters again in February and I feel confident in it. I am ready to give it a shot again!
My current struggle is dealing with confronting myself and my shadow side. The mirror is being held up for me to not only face my past, my traumas but to face myself. That’s really difficult for me. It is.
I’m here. I’m alive and man, I’m trying. ❤️
One of the ways I first recognize that someone may be on the path to relapse is if I see that they aren't really grasping the complexity of the change that has to happen in recovery. Usually, without intervention, the people like this end up in the same types of situations they've been in before, and it leads to the same problems. And they rarely see it while it's happening. It generally takes hitting rock bottom again before they realize they messed up. For more, visit the link in my profile #Addiction #Sobriety #SobrietySaves #MentalHealth #Recovery #RecoveryIsPossible #soberlifestyle #SubstanceAbuse
I wanted to share my happiness and my hope with this community.
All my life I've felt as if an invisible barrier -literally a physical barrier- was between me and the "real world", the jobs and functioning as a "normal human being" and it's been a hard journey jumping from here to there and finally I feel like I made it!!
I'm also aware that I've working very hard on getting better on myself and taking real good care of me, mentally and physically, which has been difficult as well. And it is important to acknowledge this hard work.
The past and its darkness is not that far away, but that makes me feel even better because I achieved so much in not that much time and I don't perceive this as a threat anymore.
Because when you learn how to take care of yourself you can not unlearn it.
That is something really important that I bear in mind. Even when I really wish to be self destructive again in any way, there is a light inside me that embraces me and doesn't let me hurt myself. A light that I built and turned on and now it is loving me back.
I wish to everyone reading to trust your struggles, to really work on healing yourself and step away from the pain and the darkness, because it will eat you up. Make the right decisions, the ones that make you feel loved and cared after and keep going.
I feel rewarded for my work with this job and I am so thankful to myself for being kind and loving. I wish the same for all of you.
Yesterday and today I called in sick to work as I was having the worst couple days. Completely burnout , broke down and felt the weight on my shoulders. I needed time to relax and cry and just get my head straight. Normally when I’ve taken time off I’ve wallowed infront of the tv doing nothing and hoped id just snap out of it.
But this time I’ve got myself out of bed at lunchtime, got a shower, read a book, done some cleaning, gone food shopping, cooked a chicken& leek pie and some brownies, cuddled the kitten. Went to the gym but could cope with the high intensity but at least I went and I tried. Also I haven’t self harmed!!!! Which is a big deal as I didn’t give in to that option.
It’s massively helped!! Keeping busy but in a way that I enjoyed. Hopefully back into work tomorrow!
Whenever I feel lost or low, I like to watch ‘Eat Pray Love’; the movie adaptation of Elizabeth Gilbert’s masterpiece of a novel. Each time I watch it, no matter what I’m going through, one quote will stick to me like glue. And today was no different.
Eat Pray Love Rome Julia Roberts QuoteElizabeth is exploring the underground tunnels of, Italy, explaining how they had been abandoned and become ruins underneath the beating heart of the beautiful city of Rome. But they had not been forgotten, and had in fact been transformed for different uses throughout history. And so she begins to conclude, that in fact ‘ruin’ does not mean the end of the road, it is a gift. A way of setting out on a new path, to transform yourself and your life through your experiences and hardships.
I had watched this scene several times before without batting an eyelid. But this time the word, ‘ruin’, sat rather uncomfortably with me. It suddenly felt like the perfect word to describe my current situation.
I literally feel like I’m lying in the crumbling pieces of my past life, desperately trying to glue everything back in its place. I’ve lost family members, my health, my independence, my job, my financial security… I can’t keep up with the pace of my life’s destruction. And its made me feel hopeless and in ruin…
The Hope in Your Destruction
However, I adored how Elizabeth put a spin on it all. The idea that ‘ruin’ can present itself as a new starting point seemed rather revolutionary! ‘Ruin’ is a road to transforming me and my life. Providing me an opportunity to review what I really want from life and set out on a new path. – Well I never!
These moments of ‘ruin’ can enter our lives at any time and without any warning. It’s up to us to, in time, embrace the transformation with everything we’ve got and take the next leap into our new life.
You never know, It might well be the making of us!
It has been exactly one whole year since I was last hospitalized for my #MentalHealth I was hospitalized six times in the span of a year. I am proud of myself for coming so far! It was not easy to stay out of the hospital but I have! I am grateful for my life and for all the people in my life including you my #MightyTogether followers. Please seek help if you are struggling! I did! #Anxiety #Depression #PTSDfromAbuse #Hydrocephalus #SuicidePrevention
I just thought I would share that #RecoveryIsPossible Two years ago I was hospitalized for my #MentalHealth six times in the span of a year! Today I am proud to announce that it has officially been 11 whole months since my last hospitalization! I am proud of how far I have come! I work every day to conquer my demons and I will NOT let my #PTSDfromAbuse win! Today I am back in school and working full time in a career I love! #CheckInWithMe #MightyTogether #Hydrocephalus #Anxiety