SufferinginSilence

When I found the right therapist (which took a lot of trial and error) I started to see small changes. He pushed me and knew what I needed… I would push back at times, but I’m the end, he was always right and he showed me how freeing it is to be able to own up to your mistakes…. I had to move to another state and after years of trying, I still haven’t found one that compares to him. Or makes me feel like they’re truly wanting to help me. One I tried, I was teaching them…. So I’ve given up after my last attempt and it being through telehealth… so In personable ♥️🧠 #MentalHealth #Therapy #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ParanoidPersonalityDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #Disability #SufferinginSilence

On day four of the lights being too loud, able to look at a screen now without the words blurring. I can now move without falling due to disorientation. Getting hotter and the pressure building in your head making you nauseous until the migraine breaks and you start to come down the other side. Able to eat without being ill and although I have continued to drink continuously throughout the attack I am still struggling to keep hydrated. My body feels like I have been hit by a bus and then reversed back over and left to deal with this aftermath on my own.
When you tell someone you have migraine and they say “ oh, just a little headache then” and you could cry if only you had the energy.
Anyone that is suffering or has suffered with migraine please know that you are a warrior and you are amazing
I know your pain, I know your suffering and I know just how strong you are to survive an attack.
Light and love be with you
Steffie #Migraine #HemiplegicMigraine #Pain #SufferinginSilence #Migrainewarrior #Isolation

If only I could take a picture, for them all to better see. . . #InvisibleIllness

I never got positive or nurturing attention when I cried, much less a hug from my mother or father. If my crying was acknowledged I definitely learned quickly it was not acceptable. I would get snapped at “to stop crying” be asked in a very annoyed and frustrated tone “what was I crying for! Stop it”. Most of the time I did not know why I was crying. I was always so very aware of and picking up on the negative undercurrents that surrounded our home 24/7. My parents were always unhappy, I always thought they didn’t like each other very much. They would yell and argue all the time, in a very controlled dignified way. They complained about money and how hard it was to support us. My Dad was always mumbling how hard it was for him to have a wife and 4 children. My parents were not very demonstrative and never showed love to us or each other.
My parents were unhappy, miserable actually. If my dad was around when I cried I would get the scary stern look, as if I was supposed to understand what I was doing wrong. My older siblings just started mirroring our parents. I was the annoying little sister who cried way too much and loudly.
My crying only brought annoyance. I was also supposedly really an adept psychological master manipulator only wanting attention. Of course that just cannot be allowed. Heaven forbid the possibility that I could become spoiled and feel entitled to attention. This did not just happen sometimes this happens every time I cried. So at some point before the age10, I finally learned and totally embraced this tough lesson, and that was for me not to cry. That’s not a big deal right. I did stop crying for all those years and up till 49 I did not cry. Recently like a dam has broken with an overwhelming flow of emotions I still rarely cry. The few times I have cried in recent years I still get the exact same response from my family. None of them have changed at all just add a few full on mature narcissists.
The few times friends saw me cry recently, must have shocked them I guess. They made an unfortunate mistake. Told me I shouldn’t cry. I’m stronger than that. I think my friends were so unprepared for my tears they panicked, It makes them so uncomfortable and for some reason have come to the conclusion that I shouldn’t cry around them. They have shut me down the couple times it happened recently while on the phone. They got off the line so fast my head was spinning. I Immediately went to the old rule book and thought oh no I forgot I’m not supposed to cry,
My therapist is telling me I’m essentially starting to grieve and cry for that little girl who was so severely emotionally abused. I’m still kind of reeling from that long overdue validation. I thought I was joking before when I said “I wasn’t hugged enough as a child. So what? What’s the big deal? I just happened to get the tough love lesson that was supposed to make me a strong and self sufficient adult. I’m learning to cry again. It’s so much harder now then at age 5. #Grief