Ulcerative Colitis

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    Looking for some hopeful comments?

    Hi. I am pretty sure I have MS. But my neurology appointment isn't for a few weeks yet. I have to get all the diagnostic stuff. But my symptoms are a numb patch of skin on my back that sometimes hurts, occasionally numbness and tingling in my hands, weird urinary urgency (with one time where I just completely peed my pants without warning), random transient itching popping up all over my body with no rash (though sometimes I got hives), sensitivity to the light from my computer screen, fatigue (so much fatigue), crippling depression and hopelessness, weird head feelings like I'm tripping on shrooms that come on randomly at night, drug sensitivity (I experience ALL the side effects even at super low doses), irregular periods/spotting, cognitive issues like memory and concentration. I am sure there's more stuff that I"m thinking of because this has been going on for 3 years and I have thought I was insane.

    I'm 42. I was hoping to adopt a child with my husband but if I get dxed with MS then we definitely can't. Earlier this fall I quit my job because I was struggling to think clearly enough to do it. It was a company I built from the ground up and I had to give it over to somebody else. It was like being gutted. I thought it was just mental health and that a break from the hustle would make me happy but I don't feel better yet. I have a history of ulcerative colitis which means I'm like 66x more likely to develop MS than the general population. I was warned about this 20 years ago when I was first dxed with UC. I had always known deep down that this could be coming for me. I think i Had hoped it wouldn't. I am mourning the loss of my future. I've already lost so much with the UC stealing my 20s from me. I've been old and disabled once, I don't have it in me to do it all over again so soon. I was actually getting to the point where the only drug I took was Wellbutrin and some vitamins. I was starting to believe that I'd be drug free soon, physically fit, adopting a child with my husband, and living a normal life feeling good. I feel like this is all gone now.

    Does anyone my age or younger live with MS and still live a full life doing the things you want to do? Will I get really fat because I can't exercise and the drug side effects? Will I be hobbling around with everyone around me getting annoyed and frustrated with how un-fun I am? This is what I left behind when I got my colon taken out and got a J pouch, ending my UC. I felt like freedom was soon mine, but it wasn't. Am I wrong? Is MS basically the end of hope? Is it still possible to more or less live a normal life if you catch it early enough?

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