burntout

I feel like there’s no way out. No matter how much self care I try to do it’s never enough. I just had 6 days off work & I went back today & could barely make it. This winter has lasted so long; every fucking time it gets warm it starts to snow. It’s fucking April. Why is it still snowing?? My seasonal depression has gotten so bad. My anxiety is off the charts. I’m sick of this shit.

I thought I had found the perfect job. 4 nights per week and I got to spend weekends with my granddaughter. Great for about 6 months Now I’m working 5 nights a week plus 6 hours on a Saturday with ONE day off. I have no family time anymore. No time for cleaning my own house. And absolutely NO time for myself. So I’m looking for a new job. I’ve got 30 plus years office experience and have applied to 30 plus job postings. SO, either employers are looking for younger talent, posting jobs for s&g’s because the only ones that even seem the slight bit interested are ….., you got it healthcare centers. I don’t want to get right back into the same situation I’m in now. I know that the grass is not always greener on the other side but a 40 hour work week is SO tempting. Even though I haven’t worked in an office setting since 2019 it hasn’t been that long ago. 🥹🥹😞😞

Lately i’ve been struggling with trying to find a balance between taking care of my body and mind and my daily duties. In my family i carry a lot of responsibility with work around the house, cooking, and even taking care of my younger sister. When i was diagnosed with fibromyalgia i knew it was going to be a struggle taking care of all this with the way my body feels while still trying to enjoy my youth years and have fun. Well it’s been a little over a year now and i still can’t find a balance. There really is no balance at all. I bust my ass working at home and it creates so much stress, pain, and negative emotions. I feel like i never have time to take a break and care for my body and mind the way it really needs and it’s causing me so much pain physically and mentally. I’m always being asked to take care of something and it’s exhausting. I love my family and i love to help but they still see me as the healthy 20 year old who could do anything when really i’m the 22 year old who gets exhausted from taking a shower… I guess i just came here to vent and get that off my chest but if anyone has advice on my situation i’m all ears. #Fibromyalgia #burntout #Feelingdown

I’ve been saying goodbyes. To the people I’ve worked for for 5 years, my ex’s parents (or so I had thought), and in a few days my colleagues. And next week, my home town (though I have already moved in, I am having to finish work up in my home town first).

I gave up the one-sided efforts with my ex. I finalised them on Monday, when I went to deliver him a letter. It explained that I couldn’t be his friend, with the reasons being things that were down to him. Because I couldn’t blame myself for any of it, and I explained the ways I tried to in the letter.

Unfortunately, or fortunately (depending on the way you view it), my faith and my personality make me a very forgiving person. Add in the fact I’m supposed to be living with him, I was never exactly able to cut him off.

I had a message from E (my ex) after I left, which was more of an apology than the “sorry” I got in person. And he said he would do whatever it takes to make up for the wrong he did and the hurt he caused. I acted cold but he was insistent. So the next day I messaged him extending an olive branch, but I warned him that if things didn’t change that it was going to go back to what led to the letter. But so far, things are no different and I’m the only one bothering. I know it’s not fair of me to say that given it’s only been a few days, but from dating him I know him. I don’t believe things will change. But I’m giving him the opportunity all the same.

In other news, I’ve had other stuff going on.

I lost another 5 pounds. I’m back to the same weight I was 4 years ago, and it takes the total weight loss to 10 pounds in less than a month. It’s a lot to weight to lose to illness and depression (10% of my body weight). I’m hoping it is just that, but I guess I will find out when I have my blood test in a few weeks.

I haven’t heard back from ENT since I had my hearing test, so I called them today. Apparently they hadn’t passed on the results to the doctor that saw me, and it took me calling them for them to do that. So I have some extra waiting time now because of that, and also worry because I have been in this situation before and they’ve discharged me. Surely they shouldn’t this time with hearing loss though?

I’ve also been feeling really burnt out as of late. It feels like all I do is work, eat, sleep. I’ve just got to get through this week and things should be easier though, but then also busier so I can’t really win either way.

Anyway, here’s to hoping things will settle down soon. And I wish the same for anyone else who feels like they just have everything going on.

#Depression #MentalHealth #illness #WeightLoss #Ex #ent #HearingLoss #underweight #goodbye #moving #Forgiveness #Burnout #burntout #breakup

Today, when reaching out for help, I finally put my thoughts onto paper- “I am going through a mental health crisis”.

These last few days have been hard. Too hard. I’m burnt out, my mind is a mess, I have too much going on and I’m not coping. My appetite has gone again, my mind is constantly running, and I can’t even force a smile anymore.

It’s coming up to the 4th anniversary of when I tried to take my own life, and when my chronic pain started. It’s going through my mind all the time. Along with my mind processing the news given to me months ago- that my depression is treatment-resistant.

I know I’ll live through this, but it’s just so hard. The odds seem to be drastically against me. I’m just thankful to have my friends there for me.

To add to my stress, my prescriptions didn’t get transferred over to my new GP surgery. And they don’t have any appointments available until about a week before I will run out of medication which leaves me very concerned and worried.

At the moment I’m not feeling well physically either. I had my second covid vaccination yesterday and my arm is very painful, my muscles ache, I had a headache and I just generally feel unwell. My back also decided to hurt a lot earlier.

#Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #ChronicPain #Pain #SuicideAttempt #Suicide #MentalIllness #ill #Vaccine #burntout #MentalHealthCrisis

Just got to work and it’s going to be a struggle to finish the day, I don’t know how much longer I can battle my mind.

Bro has been off of meds for a while now. Has been eating healthy and working out and feeling good. But I know not to get my hopes up since last year when he stopped meds that the same thing happened and then he went back to feeling bad but getting very violent.Last night he went over to relatives house and stayed up late. Couldn't sleep much and then today telling me he's in a bad mood. I can't help but feel slightly annoyed. I feel like my patience is drained. I've been trying to take care of myself since im stressed with school and felt myself feeling down. I try not to say much cause I feel like im going to just cause an argument. I feel like at this point with him off meds he shouldn't be taking out his anger and depression on our parents like I feel like he might do later today. I'm going to remind them of the boundary that if he starts yelling to not talk to him. #burntout #exhausted #Caretaker #Depression #Bipolar #Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder

My heart feels heavy and I'm so tired. I've really worked on myself this past year, therapy, self help, medication etc. I have bipolar and anxiety. I've dealt with personal and family struggles this past year (and always) and was feeling pretty confident but now my relationship is struggling too. I know life is all about struggle and learning from our experiences but I'm just feeling really tired of trying so hard. Perhaps my relationship will fail, perhaps I'm being too negative because I feel burnt out from trying too hard, all I know is my body feels heavy and I wish I could just get a hug right now.

#Anxiety #Relationships #BipolarDisorder #tired #burntout