fallingapart

The relationship with my lover was the only reliable, safe, stable thing in my life. I could doubt myself, but not the love we had for each other. One day, he decided to end it all. I can only wonder if it were not for my chronic depression, we would continue together.
He told me many things: that he loved me, that he wanted to start a family with me... his words gave me security and I decided to open my heart. I told him about my feelings, my problems, my fears. With him I was my true self. But he left me, that leads me to think that the real me is disgusting, that no one should see it.
I feel like this pain will never end. I miss him with all my heart and every day I look at my cellphone waiting for a message, a show of regret... I don’t get anything. I feel more alone than ever that I want to die.
With depression, anxiety and a broken heart, I feel like I am falling apart.
#Depression #Loneliness #fallingapart #Breakups #brokenhearts #Anxiety

I’m so tired of fighting, i’ve got nothing left to give 😭 😭 I don’t know what to do, everything’s becoming too much for me. I’ve been at home more times this month than at work, I’ve been struggling to make it too each day. I’ve got my first trauma therapy appointment next month, and the anxiety is destroying me. I can’t bare to have to tell anyone else all over again!! I relive it everyday, I just want to forget. I want to forget so much. I feel like that hurt little girl, all the emotions have come flooding back, the feelings of being unsafe, frightened and alone. I’m so tired of fighting. I’m so tired of being me, it hurts😭😭 I truly wish my thoughts and memories weren’t mine! I don’t know how to believe I’m worth fighting for, when everything’s telling me otherwise..
#CPTSD #Trauma #Anxiety #fallingapart

it feels like I've lost this fight😭 I spent an hour sat in the toilet at work falling apart today. My manager then hearing me, and sent me home for the 20th time this month. Gave me the weekend off. I feel so pathetic. I’m meant to be a supervisor, I’m letting my team down, everyone down, because I’m so fucked up. I can't keep do this, everyday i try everyday I can't handle it, I'm so weak it just gets worse and worse I can't do anything anymore😭 I can't live a life like this anymore😭 I just want to run away, but I can’t run away from my thoughts, I can’t run away from myself😭😭 #wasteofair #suicidal #fallingapart

I was looking forward to coming to school today and what i found out when i arrived broke everything i felt. My friend for 5 years now was found overdosed behind the corner store by my school. I didn't even know she used drugs when i heard about it. does the fact that I didn't know that she was on them make me a bad person? i wish that i could have been there to stop what happened to her. i wish it would have been me instead of her. I would give anything to have her back.... today i lost the one person i cared for and trusted and now i feel like im just a shell on the verge of cracking and falling to pieces.

Hi, I thought this might be the best place to get things off my chest this morning so here we go: I honestly wouldn't care if, due to my illnesses, I died in the next few weeks. My family is done trying and I am too. My life is just a downward spiral. As of now I'm not going to kill myself, but I would be happy to have something else take this physical and mental pain away for me. I know that sounds horrible but it would be so much better than the world I'm stuck in now. I'm a mess, I can barely physically move, and my depression and insomnia are worse than ever. This is nothing that time could fix.

#Cancer #Scoliosis #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #LungCancer #CyclicVomitingSyndrome #Disability #Migraine #makeitstop #Seizures #CheckInWithMe #fallingapart #MuscularDystrophy #Epilepsy #SaveMe

So its currently midnight here and I'm a complete mess, I scared of life and scared of so many bad thoughts about me as a person and about what I've done ans stuff. I feel like my friends have all pretty much given up and everything just doesn't feel good or worth it. Even my psychologist who i have seen for 4 years is trying to get me to seek help externally which I'm not fully against just scared the people tried to ring me to discuss on phone but I couldn't so they told me to ring back and I am struggling with trying to do that. I just feel so alone and helpless right now I wish I was good