HelpMePlease

Chronic pain is ruining my life. I can’t live like this anymore. It’s not even living, it’s just being. I want to have fun and laugh. I don’t want to be in agony every minute of my life. I just can’t keep doing this. I’m so done #ChronicPain #Depression #hopeless #HelpMePlease

I’ve been thinking about posting this for at least a week. I kept making excuses. Or thinking that my problems are so minor compared to the experiences of others. Sometimes I think that I’m not worthy of help. But I don’t like how I’m feeling and I don’t know how to pull myself out of this abyss.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder and pretty crippling depression. I am medicated - I take Mirtazipine and I used to take an antipsychotic medication too but I was taken off of it because I needed to take an anti sickness medication that had toxic interactions with it. That was five weeks ago. And now I’m stuck.

I spend most days in bed watching whatever I feel like on Netflix. I used to read a lot - I’ve always been an avid reader. But I can’t feel interested in anything for longer than 10minutes. I saved up and bought a bicycle to help me lose weight and gain control of my diabetes eight weeks ago. For the first three weeks I went out on little bike rides every day! I love cycling. But then my Interstitial Cystitis started to flare up and my bladder became painful whenever I cycled. So I curled up in bed with painkillers instead. I haven’t been out on the bike since.

My mind is constantly drifting off to sad thoughts. The fact that I’ve been single for four years. My ex told me on the day that we broke up; “You’re broken and useless. And you’ll never be anything else.” They were right. I can’t work. I can’t exercise properly. I can’t do anything with my life. I just barely exist. Existing is hard. I’ve stopped caring about my appearance. I’ve stopped taking care of myself. I walk across the street without looking for cars.

I’m not actively trying to die. But it wouldn’t bother me if it happened.

I have two friends. Two. One lives in Denmark and the other is married and lives about 35miles away. The one that lives closer to me uses me sexually. He asks for pictures and I oblige because that tiny feeling of being wanted is very precious to me. I’m not even attracted to men. I’m a lesbian.

I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m sick to my stomach all the time. I can’t seem to bring myself to care about anything. I’m so tired of being alone...

Can anybody help me?

#Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #HelpMePlease #lonely #Broken #Disaster

Ever since I started my first period at 11 years old I have been very very conscious of my personal hygiene. I use two types of deodorant and sometimes perfume too! Before I “got sick” I would have a bath or shower every other day. I would have had one every single day but I had to share the bathroom with five people and there wasn’t a lot of hot water.

These days, the thought of having a bath makes me want to cry. It exhausts me. I manage as best as I can with wipes and deodorants but I feel so filthy... I’ve been meaning to have a bath for the last two weeks but I just haven’t been able to do it.

Today, I forced myself to get in that damn tub and scrub myself clean... But I fainted whilst rinsing my hair and went underwater. This isn’t the first time it’s happened. I’m okay. I wasn’t under for long. But now my entire body feels like it’s been hit by a bus.

Our shower doesn’t work and I wouldn’t be able to stand up long enough to shower anyway.

I feel disgusting. I hate it. What do you guys do?

#POTS #EDS #BPD #NAFLD #InterstitialCystitis #Syncope #Showering #SpoonTheory #HelpMePlease

My fiance is a super kind person, but he almost never goes out of his way to do things to make me happy. He doesn't even compliment me. But he comforts random people online with their depression and if I am having a bad day he doesn't want anything to do with it.

#depressed #Secrets #Pain #heartpain #Stress #Anxiety #RacingThoughts #help #HelpMePlease

I have trauma bonds. They make me feel like I have to stay in relationships that are unhealthy. They make me feel I have to prove myself or that I care even though the relationship has proven sick. Even though I have ended a relationship, it never.fucking.ends. Because it’s my fault. And I have to make it better. I have to prove something. It becomes more sick. I get more sick. And once where I was an advocate for myself I now become the sickest and become resentful, manipulative, dramatic. What do I do???
#CPTSDinrelationships #CPTSD #traumabonding #HelpMePlease #hatingmyself #RuiningEverything

Why do I hate myself so much? What’s the point of living if I have to fight myself to stay alive everyday? I can’t stand feeling like this anymore. I’m trying to stay strong but my mind won’t let me be happy. The only time I am happy is when I play guitar and write songs with my brother but even then it’s momentarily before I put myself down for no reason and think about all the bad that has happened to me. I need help! I hate going to the physics all they wanna do is up my dose for medications. I quit going a year ago and have been fighting with myself everyday. I can’t talk about what’s going on in my mind because it only makes things worse. I just can’t be here anymore... #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SuicidalThoughts #Anxiety #helpless #HelpMePlease

I’m having problems deciding if I want to press charges against my sexual assault attacker or if I just want to get a peace bond. Either way I have to go to trial. My mom and my police officer said a peace bond would be easier but I’m not sure cause if I don’t press charges then he won’t have a criminal record. He’s 17 I’m 16, and I’m in Canada. He hurt me and now I’m suffering from the trauma, I’ve lost money and education because of him. I’m left to deal with all the aftermath of his decision to hurt me and he doesn’t have to worry about a thing. What should I do? #HelpMePlease #Anxiety #SexualAssault #SexualAssaultSurvivors #GettingHelp

It started as a good day. Great session with peer support then things seemed to go down hill from there. I dont know what triggered the depression but it settled in hard. My poor husband doesn't know what to do. He tries but when I dont even know what started the decline it is hard for him to help. It feels like every fiber of my being is tied in one giant knot. I am having dark intrusive thoughts that are hard to block out or ignore. Somehow I am not giving in but it is very hard. I feel alone and lonely even with my husband right next to me. Please any advise or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
#MentalHealth #Anxiety #HelpMePlease