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Migraines, Life-Long (Suicidal) Depression, A Real Desire to be with my Lord and Saviour, More Debt than I can afford

Living with Life-Long Suicidal Depression since at least 4-years-old (mid 1970s); and Migraine Headaches that have been regular (at least 1 to 2 times a week [more weeks now are turning in to at least 2 days] since the mid 1990s) and many other health problems that are on and off weekly or monthly; Extra Debt that I was pressed in to; which can cause me to lose the house, SSDI so it is hard to earn extra money to get out of Debt; and with Life-Long Suicidal Depression, in addition to the Major Pains, I really have been desiring more to be able to go Home to be with my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

I would greatly appreciate any feed back.

#MentalHealth #Migraines #Depresion #SuicidalIdeation #Debt #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #BPD #Bipolar1 #BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #BipolarDepression #BipolarIDisorder #BipolarDisorder #BipolarI #BipolarType1 #CheerMeOn #Bipolar1Disorder #BipolarDisorders #MigraineHeadaches #AutismSpectrumDisorder #AutismSpectrum #Autistic #SeparationAnxietyDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #IllnessAnxietyDisorder #SeparationAnxiety #AnxietyAttack #AdrenalInsufficiency #AnkylosingSpondylitis #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #DistractMe #Selfharm #PanicDisorder #PanicAttack #PanicAttacks #worry #highfunctioningautism #AttentionDeficitHyperactivityDisorder #DiabetesType2 #DiabetesII #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #IfYouFeelHopeless #suicidal

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Hi my name is Cecily, I'm a SPED mother and a SPED teacher. YES, I said that right.
Anyway, just want to let people know that As a mother of 2 wonderful children on the spectrum, your child with Asperger's/high functioning autism, your child sometimes feel SO BAD about themselves, that they want to hurt themselves (And they really don't give you any warning). Cause they don't know where to turn and they don't know who to talk to about it. This is not a threat ! This is just a loving pat on your shoulder, to Tell you, you're doing an awesome job, and to remind you to KEEP LOVING your child(REN) unconditionally and persistently. Be as available to them as you possibly can, they totally need you ❣ That's why God gave You to them, AND the other way round, too.
God bless you.
#Aspergers #AspergersSyndrome #ASD #highfunctioningautism #SuicidePrevention #LOVEYOURKIDS ,



I'm recently 16 and just diagnosed with Autism. I had an ADOS assessment on Wednesday and they gave us the results a little while after. They told me I had a diagnosis of High Functioning Autism, and potential Executive Functioning problems which they will look into with an Educational Psychologist. They also explained to me that I'm struggling with emotional dysregulation. It's a lot to take in, but I'm so glad I finally have an answer and an explanation - it feels like all me and my family's unanswered questions have been answered and things are finally falling into place. However, I'm also angry, and upset, and confused: if we'd got this diagnosis sooner I might not have had to go through some of the things I do, people could have helped me, I wouldn't have been blaming myself for years! It's sad for me to think that I struggled all the way to year 11 and my GCSE year when I could have been supported and helped all this time had we known.
Has anyone else been diagnosed when you are older (teens or young adult)? How did you feel? It's not just me, right?
#Autism #highfunctioningautism


"High" Functioning Autism and What it Means to Me.

I've always had high functioning autism and masked it well, but sometimes I don't FEEL high functioning and thats ok. I've been masking my autism so well for 17 years, infact I have a extremely hard time taking it off, professionally or at home. Some days I can smile and laugh, catch on pretty quick on jokes, and have a decent filter. Other days I have to think slowly, wake up slowly and have little filter. Please remember its hard on us more somedays. Not everyone who has high functioning autism feels high functioning, some of us just had our flaws pointed out more often than our achievements. Even when I was in school I felt like I was clawing my way out of a well with no equipment I knew I HAD to graduate, for MYSELF. I did it! I impressed MYSELF and thats the best gift I could ask for. Keep pushing through it, I promise you will get through it and it will be worth a party. Autistic individuals CAN achieve it! Just 1 step at a time <3 love="" ya="" -hjhtheartist="" #highfunctioningautism #Autistic #insideautism #StayStrong #supporteachother #imgonnabeme #TakeOfftheMask #beyourownhero #impressyourself #goalreaching #justbeyou #AutismAwareness #keeplookingatyourgoal


Does anyone understand you? #Autism #highfunctioningautism

At the age of three years old, I was diagnosed with ASD or #AutismSpectrumDisorder . Like many people with autism it’s harder for me to do things that a “so called neurotypical person” can do. Everything I learned and are still learning is very, very hard for me. One common thing that I have trouble with is controlling my emotions. So many people push me down and treat me so harshly because I’m autistic and it’s hard. All the time people tell me I understand what you are going through and no they don’t. No one understands me not even the people who have known me since I was born. #Autism


Anniversary #Autism #highfunctioningautism

Today marks a rather special day in my life as it is the one year anniversary of the discovery of my condition. I doubt that such an event will catch on like Christmas, but hey-ho.

Despite my natural grievances, one had hoped that my diagnosis would soften everything. Needless to say, it hasn't, at least not in the way one expected. I guess answers aren't always solutions. By the time the news of my condition had arrived, I found myself in such a state of overwhelming bemusement that all I could do was stare, afraid of the implications this would have.

The good news is that, as someone who values clarity, my life prior to my diagnosis now seems clearer, and while I still grieve for the child I was and the child I could've been and my inability to change that, I realise my childhood wasn't "broken" as I had believed it to be for so long.
The challenges I face are more understandable now, in fact some of them which I once considered a nuisance have now become an amusing novelty. I am an inordinately stiffly, pugnacious and aloof man, rigid and monastic in my adherence to habits and routines I have practised since the days I could walk, and one prone to frequent fits of black despair, a lifelong hypochondria and a significant lack of prowess for any physically demanding. Finding people with whom I can tolerate and converse is like discovering a rare gem. I can discuss business with colleagues, but despite my best efforts I am always weary to be in their company – I lack the facility to endure small talk and social gatherings prove to be maddeningly disagreeable ordeals. Being a recluse seems to be the only remedy, but I can't help but feel that it's me running away from the problems as opposed to facing them.

The only instances where I find any sense of euphoric stimulation is in my work – I am obsessed with it, or if not obsessed at least extraordinarily committed to it. But even this has its downsides – I do not see how my encyclopedic knowledge benefits the lives of my friends and acquaintances. I wish I could change who I am and rectify certain inequities and be a better friend, but I know I cannot change, in spite of how hard I try.

Happiness seems to be quite an elusive thing in my life and the fundamental disconnect I have with the world I live in will always be there and I fear it will only get worse, but if I can make others feel happy and content, then I suppose I'm not totally worthless.

#Autism #highfunctioningautism


Never-Ending #Autism

Never-Ending Autism...It’s been almost a year since I was given the news of my condition, and while I’m still trying to adjust to the situation. Much of the resentment and fear still remains, and I doubt it will ever truly go away and regardless of what people say, it is a big deal – not as big as, say, an earthquake in Tahiti, for example, but in the world of my brain, it is.

My condition has led to me harbouring plenty of internalised shame and baggage, of which I am certain I will never be rid of despite my hopes that it one day might happen. I honestly don’t know if my condition is a beautiful blessing or a crippling curse, an epidemic or an empowering accoutrement.

I am a film critic, a pseudo-academic and I have two degrees (and a lordship – but that’s a long story). I do not have a partner but I do have several cats who seem to fill that void adequately. The fact of the matter is that there is nothing remarkable about me; never was, never will be. I say these things not to highlight the mundanity of my existence, but rather to transparently illuminate that I am, by all perfunctory standards, a reasonably functioning adult and a pretty productive member of society. And yet, I never feel like one.

In many ways my condition has perhaps granted me special “gifts” that I otherwise would never have; I possess an impeccable memory, a keen eye for small details, a deep and versatile knowledge of my craft and a myriad of other areas that could be considered opaque or kitsch. But everyone’s face looks the same; every conversation feels like there’s an invincible and impenetrable wall between me and the other person I’m engaging with (or attempting to); simple phrases may as well be in a foreign language and rudimentary tasks often feel more akin to Heracles’ labours.

I find myself in a constant state of struggle, wrestling with myself to try and find some familiar ground – trying to brute force my way through by reason what makes sense in an otherwise unruly world. It’s an enormously burdensome process, exhausting and draining. I have to analytically break-down anything and everything that is said to me and how I should respond to it. Such a lack of instinctual cleverness and intuition on my part makes for a profoundly disorientating and confusing experience.

The life of someone afflicted with my condition is an intolerably lonely and blisteringly painful one. I am ashamed of who and what I am and, crucially, I am ashamed that I can never be content with it.

#highfunctioningautism #Autism

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#CheckInWithMe so this has been me this past week and last night it hit fever pitch and I had a massive panic attack I’m still getting after shocks now with chest pain and stomach pain I’m exhausted of feeling like this and not knowing the trigger #Anxiety #PanicAttack #hospitalized #terrified #exhausted #Depression #highfunctioningautism