Living With Yourself

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Living With Yourself
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#LivingWithYourself could apply to about every condition present here for illness, plus chronic is like yelling « TIMBER » in the middle of Time Square. Within minutes, there’s no one left. And the co lateral damages are hardly ever mentionned…and they are almost as difficult to cope with than the cause itself ! One would think that when you show a credited articles saying there are 35 million people striving with the same condition you have been diagnosed (and scientifically tested, such as Lyme’s desease) one would finally beleive you. Well…NO. Not even after 20 years. Then the original symptoms are joined by others inflicted by the mere fact of living, and seeing doctors all to happy to put everything in the « Lyme » basket…including when after having to drag something super heavy, your arms are sprained , both, you can’t change your sheets, spread them to dry, and you end up , month after month, rolled up in a sheet on the mattress. Slowly, one gives in, with the « why » , wherever you turn : WHY ? No one will see you in the month, the phone doesn’t ring, grocery shopping beeing too complicated, « another side co lateral », for one doesn’t have the concentration time needed to fill in an order on line, finding Your favourite brand…you need to take a break, snooze off, come back, your basket’s empty, and you have to start the whole process…and finally give up. And day after day, you settle for the minimum, and one day notice you treat yourself worse than you would your dog ! First, it’s the gender that gives in. Female, male, the pain and problems are the same. 90% is the same. Then the human is a question. No one listens to you, people look Through you, you haven’t heard your own voice in days, and then one day, an article strikes you, you would never have dared give a name to « Social Death »…and how many are in that group. And growing speedily year after year. How many people I used to have contact with at least once a week wonder (if !) if I’m still alive ? One of my « used to be best friend » told me « our lives have driven so much appart now that keeping up is meaningless, so lets leave it at that « . I was astonished. But then i tend to do the same by not calling the few people who Would speak back, because , what’s to be said ? Nothing has changed, and if, not for the best …Who am I to pour my garbage in their lives ? Do they deserve that. I used to be the listener, the provider, the Strong one. And I’m struggling to stay alive, even with minimal treatment on account of COVID as SOoooo many people, in much worse emergency situations are on the « side lane ». I should do this, inquire about that, and Monday is like a little more active Sunday, catching up with Mails, messages, un finished Friday work, and discussing around the coffee machin. Tuesday’s a possibility…but I find an excuse…and excuse after excuse, it’s Friday, and « oh, I’ll do it next week », there’s no rush, not like it’s going to change something. Co lateral. my name.#



I know He gave me life and I know I should feel blessed for still being here today; it’s that fact that my emotions, situations, and the people in my life are making me lose it. My memory is going bad for some reason and now I’m pissing off my boyfriend who has a little bit of a temperament; he gets angry with me because I can’t remember saying something or that I cant recall what I found on the internet or anything really. I just came home from work and cried because my pulled or strained Lattisimus Dorsi area that happened three weeks ago, I feel like I can’t work a well paying job and I feel like I can’t even keep a relationship from going toxic. My family is manipulative towards me meanwhile my sisters both have great jobs as teachers and get rewarded for that. My life is crumbling and I don’t know if I can take this anymore. Everything is making me frustrated and I feel like the worst case scenario alway happens. I feel like I’m about to lose my job and boyfriend all because of my depression and anxiety (mostly because I feel like I’m not doing things fast enough or not doing things the way my boss wants me to do them); the past three jobs I’ve had I got injured from: hip strain, tendon release & rerelease & then another rerelease in my left wrist, now it’s my entire left side that can’t really be mobile. There’s too much to list on here. Yeah, most of y’all are probably thinking just go see a therapist: I would if I wasn’t drowning in debt from my doctors visits in the past three years or so. I feel like I’m failing at being me. #PainManagement #Godhelpme #Depression #anger #ADHD #Anxiety #Crying #Disabilities #Temptation #LivingWithYourself #manipulation


I know I have to stand but can't stop trembling.
I know I have to work, but I can't stop crying.
I know I have to eat, but I'm not hungry.
I know I want to live but I can't remember how.
I just know...

#LivingWithYourself #Depression #Anxiety

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What is on Your Mind #CheckInWithMe #Chatspace

So what is on your Mind?

This is Chat Space and wondered what you guys and gals wanted to chat about.

How are you doing,
Tell me what is going on with you?
This is your space and it seems so quiet. ..............

Is everyone fed up? Or are you all happy?
Tj ❤💞🤤🙃😁💪🤗🥰😎🦄💝🥀🤔😎 #Love #Hugs #peace #Positivity #Rantaway #Chat #Talk #Loveyourselffirst #LivingWithYourself #checkonyourneighbours #stayhome #TrigeminalNeuralgia #Puppylove #NeverAlone #mightyfriends


I’m scared

I’m used to being scared for myself. Now I’m scared on a larger scale. I have a lot to unpack in terms of what my “issues” are and because of that, I give up. Not because it’s not worth it for me but because being hurt while being vulnerable is life threatening for me. I don’t know how to stop myself from coming back from the brink while also being so alone. I want to do well and I want to feel better. So I’m still here and it’s really hard but I’m doing it. I’m living still and it’s so hard but I’m doing it. #LivingWithYourself #SuicidalThoughts #Anxiety #Depression #Poor #outcast #COVID19