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Self-created guardian

While in hospital for my mental health, I was taken off of certain medications to be put on new medication. And during this difficult time I started to write poetry. With ADHD I sometimes struggle to put thoughts together in a way that makes sense.. with creative writing I really learned to express how I feel about my situation.

So I wrote a poem about our inner self-created guardians, the inner children that we have inside us that still tries to protect us from harm even when we no longer need them. Whether we have this guardian because of abuse of any kind, I wrote this piece so that people could relate to having that inner voice that can sometimes be guilt creating, harmful and overwhelming.

So while off my meds this is how I strung my thoughts together in hopes that I might find someone who can relate.

The poem’s name is

Self-created Guardian:

Sometimes I'm overcome by a shadow and marked unsafe by feelings of madness,guilt,badness...sadness

That my own mind runs wild searching for peace, my
thoughts making me fight with a "ME" that I have
created out of necessity..

Now that very creation bothers me not only now and then but incessantly...

Trying to find a purpose for existing in a world it was not meant for...

Trying to hold onto the woman that doesn't need her anymore..

How does one create space in one's mind for a self-created guardian? And still exist as one's own protector? One that I have always been? And never even knew...

How then do I become truly "ME" without letting go of you? - a poem by Camron Botha

#MentalHealth #Poetry #creativewriting #Abuse #Survivor #EmotionalAbuse #ADHD #relate #Advocacy #MentalIllness #Love #struggle #medications #poet #Loveothers #wearefamily #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder


When the Darkness Falls

As the night fall comes illuminating the views with shades of the sunset aglow, dancing just above the rolling mountain is now my mind begins to dream a new day...

Hoping for a tomorrow, visions of happiness, joy, life beyond...Beyond this place I'm stuck in...

The evening seems a little quieter still, if that's even possible...only creaks of the house will I hear...

Followed by the evening sights & sounds of nature...Lightening bugs dance...Crickets chirping, rustling of the brush, with squirrels, deer, rabbits..

Nature without a hint of human existence.

The days seem to simultaneously flash by in slow motion...Into the night...

Day in day out, the phone never rings, the only time it gets its use is when I reach out to others..Or spam...

I wonder if they'll want to call when they no longer can...I wonder if they'll think of me like I think of them...I often wonder how the knot that tied us together shredded so easily after I became ill...

Was I only worthy when I was able to do everything for them? Was I only valued for what I gave and not for who I am? To them?

I often dream to be someone worthy of them, but that someone is not me...

No matter what the future holds, I know Ill always be remembered as the "woman" that loved & gave with her whole heart...and never asked for anything in return...I didn't ask, I didn't expect...

Here Im left piecing myself back together...

Without regret, learning to love myself

Love with your whole heart, not bits & pieces..

#ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Depression #Anxiety #conqueryourmind #Ileostomy #Trauma #liveloved #Kindness #Loveothers #givegrace

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Good morning my friends #DistractMe

Happy Sunday. The sun is now shining here in the UK after raining all night with howling wind.

It always makes the day feel a little brighter when the sun shines even if it's still cold and nasty out.

I forgot to change my pain skin patch yesterday evening. I remembered at midnite. I was in agony. oops. my brain doesnt work very well sometimes with all the meds I'm on . as a lot of you will understand. my reminder went off on my phone when I wasnt at home.
so today I'm grateful the sun is shining and my pups are keeping me amused and entertained with their love and antics.
Remember to be kind and loving to everyone you meet whether in person or online. Do not make judgements. treat others as you would want to be treated with love and compassion 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖🦋
#LoveLife #helpingothers #Bekindtoyourself #SundayGratitude #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #52SmallThings #SuicideAwareness #PsoriaticArthritis #ObsessiveCompulsiveandRelatedDisorders #Osteoarthritis #SphincterOfOddiDysfunction #GastroesophagealRefluxDisease #TrigeminalNeuralgia #Loveothers


Being understanding

Cliche yes but always try to put yourself in the other persons shoes. This doesn’t mean you have to accept what’s been done in a forgiving way but it does mean try to see their side of things and it might help you put yourself in your own shoes at times.
Never judge a book by its cover. Another cliche, I know. But I’m not saying seeing a person and automatically stereotyping them, I mean, if you see someone who’s freaking out and yelling don’t label them. Try to talk to them, unless they seem super violent then approach with caution. Some people are dealing with things we don’t know about and maybe some things that we do. I have PTSD, mild TBI, and other physical issues.. I know how a bad day can make me act and react and to be honest if someone were to ask what’s wrong I can almost guarantee that I would calm down and just talk about it.
Love yourself and accept yourself . We can’t love and accept others if we don’t love and accept ourselves. This doesn’t mean being happy that your overweight, it means accept that you are, don’t deny it or try to cover it up. Love the bad things about you and if you don’t like something change it. It’s impossible to accept the flaws of another person without accepting your own. #Selflove #Loveothers #Acceptance