My father recently passed away. I was ready because I knew he was. We could get into deep discussions until something struck as funny and we would laugh.
My father died at the age of 89. I am frequently told how blessed I was to have him so long. He was funny, cognizant, and fairly mobile up to the 3 last days of his life.
I thought I was ready to let him go and move on. And until I began to miss the "little things" (not my term), I had no idea of the impact of the loss would hit me.
Not being able to watch a baseball game with him, even 75 miles apart, cheering and complaining about great hits and poor umpire calls.
Not being able to call him when I was upset or sick, knowing that I wasn't looking for answers but finding the support I needed just in the sound of his voice.
My dad was my rock. I was never married and lived with my parents most of my life. At one point in my life I was frequently hospitalized due to my mental illness. He visited every single day.
Until the last 4 years we lived together. My mom passed away 10 years ago. We were overwhelmed with the tasks of taking care of a big house and yard. He ended up moving to an age-in-place community 75 miles away, close to another of my sisters.
I made that drive weekly, usually spending one or more nights. It was like old days every time.
So, what's my point? I have been crippled with unexpected grief and loss. I thought I had moved on, moved past this. I was being told, and even admired, for moving on. However, it was not until I saw the attached TED Talk, that I was able to rename, reframe what I was experiencing.
I hope you can find a sense of peace and solace in her words.
#Grief #expectationsofothers #Pain #blamingself #Lonliness #personal growth #Lettinggo #unconditionallove