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I'm sorry

I feel like I'm the only one in my family capable of saying "I'm sorry". I say "I'm sorry" too much, honestly, I know that and I'm working on it.. but I feel like most people I encounter, even outside of my family, are either too uncomfortable to say it or don't think of it. If I say I've been hurt by something, people either disappear or blame me for my hurt feelings (too sensitive
, or I'm making it up because they don't remember it [because I often address things later than in the moment which is something I need to work on], or I'm just being crazy).

I understand that a person can not be sorry for something.. but it does hurt when I go to someone and say "I felt hurt because of what you did" and it gets passed over or worse.

Am I toxic for searching for apologies or are they toxic for never saying any... I don't know to be honest.

#imsorry #apologies #toxicfamily #Depression #Family #Support #processing

Pic of items that make me feel better

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What does it mean to process something?

When people say that they have processed something, be it an experience or an emotion, what does that actually mean? How do you know that you have processed something? I am kind of just now realizing that I don't actually have the greatest grasp on this concept. I've always thought of it as meaning that you no longer ruminate on something but you also no longer push it away. But now I'm not so sure because people seem to talk about processing things in the span of weeks to months when for me processing literally always takes years if it happens at all. Am I confused? Am I just a slow processor? #processing #Emotions #Grief


The Israeli tragedy and our feelings #Emotions #Sadness #tragedy #processing #Chatspace #Whattosay

There was a uniquely horrific episode in Israel Thursday night. I feel like regardless of a person’s political or religious affiliation one has to feel deeply sad and empathetic of the bereaved families. So many young men. So many children. So many people who will never return to their families and so many who will never be the same. A time like this displays the best and worst of humanity. From the optician who is replacing glasses for free to the people who set up tables with food and drink at the road side.
The worst of humanity I shall not repeat. There are three things to say. I’m sorry for your loss , how can I help and where can I donate.

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I wanted to ask this question bc....I am currently having a #Constantbattle with my #oldself and #Newyourself and I am just tired of the same shit #cycles #behavorialpatterns I am #beinghonestwithmyself and #processing my #Recovery and #Healing bc #INEEDTOGETBETTERFORMYSELFANDMYSON


Finally getting somewhere


I’m new here. I recently went to the doctor and they took my vitals lying down and standing up. My BP stayed normal but my HR jumped from 59 to 104 (I’m a 19 yo female.) After looking at symptoms it appeared I experience every single one of those. I come from a healthy family and grew up incredibly active, but ever since I can remember I’ve struggledwith these symptoms. I managed to push through as a child, but high school is where things got bad. I managed to graduate and get into college. I did one month of college and couldn’t continue and had to take a leave of absence. I was always told it was my anxiety or depression. I normally don’t share my story online like this because I feel selfish, but my bf recently left me and I’m feeling alone. It’s nice to read everyone else’s stories. Thanks for reading if you did! :) #processing #POTS #venting /sharing


Boundaries + Peace — A Struggle

This isn't specifically related to chronic illness, but it's a big struggle I'm dealing with right now (or trying to).

I keep letting my boundaries be pushed in order to keep the peace.

#processing #personal #boundaries #MentalHealth #Relationships

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A Young Girl Speaks

I took a deep breathe and tried to calm my twelve year old nerves.

I walked through the doorway into the living room, he was sitting in his recliner to my left. I turned to him, my hands nervously grabbing at my clothes, my shoulders slumped, and my eyes turned down.

“I was talking to someone at school” I began, “and they told me what we do isn’t right. I don’t want to do that stuff anymore.”

He looked at me. I wonder, had he been younger and more able, if I’d have been released from his grip so easily. Maybe it was his fear of what I was saying at school.

“Okay” he replied, monotone and emotionless.

That’s all he said, but I remember thinking, it’s over, he was going to stop. Still, there was no real relief.

So I turned and went back outside to play, and left my grandpa sitting in his recliner in the living room.

#Memories #processing #mystory #csasurvivor #ChildhoodAbuse
#PTSD #PTSDawareness #Trauma #Traumaawareness #writingtoheal #PTSDWarrior #courage #Survivingchildhoodtrauma #ChildhoodSexualAbuse

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It's been a year #SuicideLoss #Surviving

I can't believe it's been a year. A year since that night. I feel so much pain I can't make sense of anything else; loss, grief, guilt. Your death has made you more a part of my is that fair? I've been there, I've felt that pain, I've wanted it all to be over and I've thought about how I would do it. Does that bring us closer? Does that make it hurt more? Because I understand, but I'm still here? I made it, I didn't jump...

#Suicide #processing #oneyearanniversary