purposeinthepain

I know many people who have joined AA
Yet I never stepped foot in that door;
I struggle with other addictions besides
Still I leave myself open for more.

I love how others say my story inspires
Yet I feel like a fake and a fraud;
As I look in the mirror, whom there do I see?
That little girl still hurt and lost.

I wake up each day with the best of intent
Yet fear and doubt usually win;
I force myself to take a shower and dress
But that's where it seems to all end.

My thoughts run away and take me with them
To places I wish were unknown;
Emotions evoked send me spiraling once more
The feelings of which leave me numb.

Depression within is a constant battle
It's heaviness weighs on my chest;
I struggle to breathe or just utter a word
Til the fight leaves me wanting to rest.

Still I pick myself up from one day to the next
Vow somehow I will make it right;
Then self sabotage or draw into my shell
Avoid connection day and night.

I've come to accept that I'll never outrun
Those demons which lead me astray;
At least not until I can handle the truth
I'm the obstacle in my own way.
.
Until then I'll struggle, mind set on unrest
My heart left in want of the key;
For the power to heal lies in but a gesture
Let go and God will set you free.

By: Debra Brent
08/21/2021

#Addiction #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #SuicideAwareness #EUPD #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Poetry #poems #purposeinthepain #hurting #thestruggle #Recovery #Healing #Faith #Godislove #letgoandletgod #MentalHealth

Twas on the eve a day past Labor
She bid a permanent adieu,
As summer ebbed to autumn's glow
Her next season began anew.

A battle zone right from the start
Embarked the day her mother bore,
This quiet, shy and timid girl
Whose heart the world broke to its core.

Through years of hurt, abuse, neglect
Watched safety climax in dead ends,
Yet knew not of the only One
Whose grace would soon be her best friend.

Instead found solace in the likes
Of pills, booze, money, drugs and sex,
These multiplied trauma ten-fold
Until her only thought was death.

Evil of which free will had shown
Weighted this heart heavy with pain,
Shame filtered through the devil's voice
A crux of self-blame swathed in chains.

And then one night she did attempt
Cause hope was nowhere in plain sight,
Grief, anger, guilt topped off a soul
Far too distraught to stay and fight.

Yet freedom found was not in death
But in the life He would rebirth,
By virtue of a spirit sent
Was finally found her Godly worth.

A story shared, not unlike hers
Held but one difference….and the key,
Of whom she coined an earth angel
Not long before, God set him free.

He utilized thorns of this man
To guide His little girl back home,
Free will this time, a choice for good
Now glorifies our Father's throne.

By: Debra Brent
7.30.7.229

#Poetry #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Healing #poet #purposeinthepain #personalitydisorder #mentalheath #struggling #artfromtheheart #youarenotalone #SuicideAwareness #BPD #EUPD #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Shame #Guilt #Grief #Addiction #Trauma #godsgotyou #Faith #testimonial

The Sound of Silence

A new world is what we now live in
Fear keeps true connection at bay,
We give of our love by a heart, like or follow
Yet silence grows more day by day.

We cultivate internet friendships
Using that which we want them to see,
But keep hidden behind every tear in our eyes
All the pain such a silence does bring.

How can we communicate feelings
When masks are the norm on display?
Concealing a smile that's turned upside down
We slowly begin to decay.

Then sit in a chokehold of stillness
Click on a small screen to deflect,
Pushing aside the cancer which lies
Deep in our hearts, stomach and chest.

To love is a verb, it's an action
This includes how we too love ourselves,
And when looking inside makes you break down and cry
That's a signal to reach out for help.

When revealed hurt continually bottled
Sounds of silence can begin to fade,
It's within a deep human connection
Where we put our true selves on display.

Cause healing is reached by each feeling
That we're willing to share and explore,
If we just would fillet ourselves open
Walls built could then turn into doors.

By: Debra Brent
09/14/2020

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #CPTSD #Depression #Anxiety #PanicDisorder #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAwareness #purposeinthepain #Poetry #poems #healingisfeeling #youarenotalone #MentalHealth

A new world is what we now live in
Fear keeps true connection at bay,
We give of our love by a heart, like or follow
Yet silence grows more day by day.

We cultivate internet friendships
Using that which we want them to see,
But keep hidden behind every tear in our eyes
All the pain such a silence does bring.

How can we communicate feelings
When masks are the norm on display?
Concealing a smile that's turned upside down
We slowly begin to decay.

Then sit in a chokehold of stillness
Click on a small screen to deflect,
Pushing aside the cancer which lies
Deep in our hearts, stomach and chest.

To love is a verb, it's an action
This includes how we too love ourselves,
And when looking inside makes you break down and cry
That's a signal to reach out for help.

To reveal hurt continually bottled
Sounds of silence can begin to fade,
It's within a deep human connection
Where we put our true selves on display.

Cause healing is reached by each feeling
That we're willing to share and explore,
If we just would fillet ourselves open
Walls built could then turn into doors.

By: Debra Brent
09/14/2020

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #CPTSD #Anxiety #Depression #SuicidalThoughts #PanicDisorder #MentalHealthAwareness #Poetry #purposeinthepain #soundofsilence #healingisfeeling #youarenotalone #weareallinthistogether