Today I noticed that I feel like I’m always drowning. I put so much energy into trying to stay above the water. I feel this quote. Like they said they feel like they don’t know what’s going on in their own life. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing. I want to be happy. I want to put my energy into calling my family or doting on my fiancé or being carefree for once or spending time with some sort of friends.
I miss all these birthdays that I don’t know are happening. I miss all these other things going on. My fiancé has all these awesome things going on that I’m proud of him for but it’s like none of this registers in my brain. Nothing settles and sticks. It’s hard for me to remember what someone said recently or what they did. At work I get so distracted by all the overwhelming tasks that I can’t stick to my routine.
And I’m getting tired and exhausted. Like my soul and my bones and my joints and my entire being are just so tired of fighting. I’m scared that one day I’m going to get as tired or more tired than I’ve seen my mom get and that I won’t be able to keep fighting. I’m tired of fighting every single day. I forget simple things and tasks go undone.
I’m constantly drowning and can’t get ahead.
#Drowning #storm #Tiredandhopeless