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58, Captain of the ship. Father to my late Daughter Cassidy and Son Mason. Husband to my late Wife Laura. Tired of living but still looking for a reason to keep going.

#PTSD #Divorce #tragedy #lost #alone

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I used to believe

I used to believe any year that did not end with mein a hospital,mental ward or grave was a good year, until 2021.
I used to believe tragedy happened in 3's and was the result of Karma, until 2021.
I used to believe specific things happened to guide your path, until 2021.
This year has been the literal hardest, most hurtful, grief filled, terrifying, heart-wrenching, anxiety driven, only surviving because I promised my kids I would, vomit inducing year of my life.
It wasn't enough to take my dad, my dog, my mom's dog, my snake, 3 rabbits, but we also ended up with a dry well this summer, need finances to get that deeper, need to expand the house, replumb the whole house, build a barn, a garden and green house and WE WERE ON TRACK, then 2021 drops my husband in a ditch and now he is out of work AT LEAST 6 months.
Broke his upper arm into 3 pieces with a spiral in it. Do you know what that means??? Surgery! Sur-ger-y.
The man who has a cold for 3 days A YEAR. Is down and out.
Carries logs, logs, 12" across and 12' long for 3 acres. Dude looks like a twig ang just marching a tree across the yard on his shoulders. Can't now.
Can't even hug me. Lay in bed. Hold my hand. Go shopping. We don't know when surgery will be yet!!!! I'm scared. He is terrified. Our financial stability? Poof.
Kids, mom, me, him, anxiety messes.
What the ef do we do now.
Oh and still cannot say my animals or dads names without crying.
So FU2021 FU VERY MUCH #Depression #tragedy #Loss #Anxiety


Need moral support #overworked #depleted #exhausted #achinglegs #wornout

I am a hospital staff person. I work my soul off helping the old, the young, the dead , the dying. The kind people the rotten ingrates. The lovely ones and the grabby handsy ones. No matter who no matter what I give 150% to help. It’s so hard.everything hurts from my soul to my legs I see so much sadness so much tragedy so much pathos. I had a terribly difficult night. I need to get up and start my day. It’s hard . #notjustcovid #COVID #Sadness #tragedy #humanity #Caregiving #HealthCare #respiratorytherapy


The Israeli tragedy and our feelings #Emotions #Sadness #tragedy #processing #Chatspace #Whattosay

There was a uniquely horrific episode in Israel Thursday night. I feel like regardless of a person’s political or religious affiliation one has to feel deeply sad and empathetic of the bereaved families. So many young men. So many children. So many people who will never return to their families and so many who will never be the same. A time like this displays the best and worst of humanity. From the optician who is replacing glasses for free to the people who set up tables with food and drink at the road side.
The worst of humanity I shall not repeat. There are three things to say. I’m sorry for your loss , how can I help and where can I donate.

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Niagara Falls Lights Up for DES (Diethylstilbestrol) Awareness Week

With special thanks to the Niagara Falls Illumination Board, #niagarafalls will illuminate Orange, Red, and Black for DES Awareness Week on Monday, April 26, 2021, at 10 pm EST for fifteen minutes. Six other locations in America will also illuminate this week.

Do you know about the #DES #tragedy ? For decades, millions of pregnant women were given the synthetic #estrogen, DES (Diethylstilbestrol), thereby exposing them and their future offspring to a teratogenic, carcinogenic mutagen. Adverse effects are now appearing in the fourth generation after these genetic mutations, including vaginal #clearcelladenocarcinoma in girls under ten. Major issues related to the reproductive system and fertility, causing excessive miscarriages and birth defects. Serious #cardiac issues are common.

At least 200 separate #genes are impacted by #diethylstilbestrolexposure. #Bigpharma and the #fda does not want this publicly discussed. As such, a group of DES Exposed women led by Daphne Grant, teamed up to create an illumination awareness campaign around the cause to make the noise they don’t want us to make! We need research, education, better health care... we need to save lives! Too many have died too young due to #DESExposure . Do you know if you or anyone in your family is DES Exposed?

#DrugDEvaStation #DESSyndrome #Diethylstilbestrol #EndocrineDisruptor #Cancer #dna #heart #GenderDysphoria #trans #nonbinary #DESSyndrome #DESInfo #DESAwareness #DESAwarenessWeek


My Article Was Published on Go Mag last night!

I wanted to share my new piece that was published yesterday on Go Mag. I’m writing a second piece for them now. I’m proud to share this because it is the FIRST article I’ve written (that’s been published) in my freelance career that is not a personal essay. I’m branching out, though my love is always with personal stories.

This specific piece is for Women’s History Month. To remember the prolific, influential dancer Isadora Duncan. She was the epitome of the romantic tragic artist. Her young children died in a car accident. Her husband left her after a year and committed suicide by hanging. In 1927 (at age 50) Isadora died her own unusual and untimely death. The long hand-painted scarf draped around her neck became entangled with the rear axel and open-spoked wheels of the car she was traveling in; forcefully pulling her out and ultimately, breaking her neck. She was an amazing individual. She had no formal dance training yet she attained fame and success in Europe. Toured several countries. Opened dance schools. Etc.

Let me know what you guys think! PS: This was my first piece for Go Mag. My second piece for them is due in 6 days. They pay very quickly, for anyone interested in writing for them. More so than any other pub I’ve worked with. I was paid via Zelle within mere hours of my story being published yesterday. Gotta love that 🙂 #womenshistorymonth #Suicide #tragedy #Death #Dancer #MightyTogether #Bemighty #polygomy #Bisexual