TraumaRecovery

Hi, my name is mimi. I am here because I believe in the quiet power of journalling and storytelling; the kind that turns wounds into wisdom and helps us feel a little less alone.I am a mother of five (two are foster children - now grown!), a late to the party psychology graduate, and a survivor of an abusive childhood and subsequent abusive relationships; who found her way back to self-worth through words.
At 50, I published Letters to the Woman I Was; a collection of letters to the younger me who stayed too long, gave too much, and forgot she was extraordinary.
I am here to connect, to contribute, and to remind anyone who needs to hear it:
“You are not broken. You were wounded. There’s a difference.”
We heal louder when we heal together, and life is beautiful x#MightyTogether #TraumaRecovery #MidlifeReinvention #LettersToTheWomanIWas

#MightyTogether

Lies upon lies, deception upon deception —

Secrets buried beneath secrets, a layered infection.

Crimes whispered in corners, dark shadows roam,

While the innocent are told to suffer alone.

They call it family, call it love,

But what god above could watch from above?

To silence a soul with a single demand —

"Stay quiet, stay loyal, don’t bite the hand."

But loyalty isn’t the cage they built,

It’s a noose made of gaslight, resentment, and guilt.

And silence — they say it brings peace —

But the truth screams louder, it will never cease.

They sharpen their words like blades in the night,

But it’s the scapegoat’s blood that’s bathed in their spite.

A sacrifice, bound and spun on the flame —

Laughed at, discarded, yet burdened with blame.

They drink and they feast as I burn in their view —

A ritual of torment, the role I outgrew.

But still, I’m served up on a platter of shame —

My suffering their comfort, my pain their game.

"Choose life," they sneer, "But live it our way."

Or bow to the devil, let morals decay.

But I’d rather be pierced by a thousand cruel lies —

Than live in a world where the righteous disguise.

Because freedom’s no gift from the hands of the damned —

It’s claimed by the broken who dare make a stand.

And if I must fall for the truth to survive —

Then let it be known, I lived — truly alive.

No martyr, no savior, no saint in disguise —

Just a soul who refused to be swallowed by lies.

So strike if you must — but remember this cry —

The scapegoat you slaughter will rise from the sky.

#scapegoatsurvivor #healingjourne #healingjourney #survivorpoetry #emotionalhealin g #frompaintopower #soulhealing #TraumaRecovery #poeticexpressio n#MentalHealthAwareness #strengthenwithin #healingthroughword #ReclaimYourPower #boundariesmatter #EmotionalFreedom #healingispossible #youarenotalone

Here's a beginning list of secular or non-religious resources:

secularrecovery.online

www.worldwidesecularmeetings.com/meetings

www.lifering.org

lifering.org/mindfulness-based-stress-reduction

lifering.org/recover-mindfully

aaagnostica.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/A-Collection-of-A...

kemper.us/lifering/sobrietycalculator.html

Books:

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk

Alcohol Explained by William Porter

Empowering Your Sober Self by Martin Nicolaus

The Twelve Steps for Agnostics by Andy F

Waiting by Marya Hornbacher

Humanly Possible from LifeRing Secular Recovery

Twelve Secular Steps by Bill W.

From Junkie to Judge: One Woman's Triumph Over Trauma and Addiction by

Mary Beth O'Connor

The Little Book: A Collection of Alternative 12 Steps by Roger C.

#sober #Sobriety #TraumaRecovery #MBSR #Recovery #soberfellowship #sobercommunity

Struggling alot today.

Its 2:40pm and im still in bed.

Is sleeping all day an option?

#Anxiety #MajorDepressiveDisorder #OCD #PTSD #CPTSD #AnorexiaNervosa #EatingDisorder #TraumaRecovery #Agoraphobia

DEAR ME, YOU DESERVED BETTER – August 3 2022

Dear Me,

My dear little Lisa, I am letting you know that you deserved better treatment. You deserved better. You deserved to be held, cuddled, loved, and treated like you have value and appreciation. You deserved to feel unconditional love, to feel accepted, to be acknowledged, to feel adored, to feel appreciated, to experience healthy affection and admiration, to feel approval, to feel understood.

Instead, you grew up feeling judged, that you should feel guilty and shamed for being who you are, that you’re not good enough - because none were attuned enough to notice that something really serious happened to you. No one, it seems, put forth the effort to try to understand you, to try to really *see* you and love you for who you are. All this plus the other abuses caused a LOT of damage.

It seems your primary caretaker was just too busy and distracted with many responsibilities [she had 6 kids after all!] As you learned later that for many reasons she didn’t have the time nor the wherewithal to be attuned to you and what you desperately needed from her. As a little girl you ended up feeling and believing you were a nuisance, annoying, in the way, too needy and unloved and especially without value and worth. You developed mother hunger.

I am so sorry that you felt this way for soooo long, way too long. Too long that it became a core belief and a mindset that deeply impacted your way of being - how you showed up in life. I’m sorry that you felt unappreciated, needed to play and be small, that you weren’t appreciated for your sparkle and valued for who you are. Instead, you felt ashamed of yourself. You felt guilty for things you did that were symptoms of the complex trauma you were experiencing. You even took on guilt and shame that didn’t belong to you. Your nervous system was just too sensitive. I am so sorry that you carried this for all these years.

Little Lisa, you are not the problem. You are not at fault. You deserve to feel unconditional love. You deserve to feel safe and protected. And it’s ok and good that you seek out those who will provide this for you.

It’s not your fault that you didn’t grow up feeling safe and protected. I’m sorry you felt invisible until you made a mistake or you did something to help someone else. I’m sorry that you were criticized or were simply emotionally abandoned. Sometimes severe punishment would ensue. And then you read it as shame and guilt for just existing. You read it that they were ashamed and embarrassed of who you are. Your poor nervous system.

Of course with adult wisdom, in looking back you understand it all now and are forgiving. But don’t forget you were a little girl, with little girl needs that weren’t met. You were trying to navigate a world that had shown itself to be scary and unsafe. It was an emotional mine field for you. All this piled onto an undeserving little body and a heart that only wanted to be loved. This and a highly sensitive nervous system created your insecurities which added to your various traumas.

I really feel for you my dear little one. I offer you my deepest compassion.

It wasn’t your fault.

I am so sorry that you experienced this and that now as an adult you must do the work to heal from the scars all this created.

I am here to be with you, to hold you and love you as you never felt. You deserve to feel unconditional love.

Yes, as an adult you understand your parents and see and accept their imperfections. This is good. However, it is important to your healing that you acknowledge how you felt and what you suffered. And as an adult you’ve acknowledged and own your unhealed childhood wounds and that they were passed on down to your two sons too. I’m proud of you for healing this much and being self-aware enough. I am proud of you for being as transparent as possible in your healing journey so your sons can understand themselves and you better.

It is time to release this unwarranted guilt and remember that all this damage resulted from Adam and Eve’s stupid decision. They passed on this imperfection to their children and on it went down to me and little you.

People don’t know what they don’t know – yet it is each one’s responsibility and obligation to become aware so their toxic behaviour doesn’t keep getting passed onto others.

It wasn’t your fault. Remember that.

It wasn’t your fault.

Your existence matters. God believes you are valuable, that you are worthy. He is there for you and is with you. Please remember where this imperfect and self condemnation comes from – it’s not from Him.

Please keep on letting your light shine. Keep helping fellow childhood trauma survivors see and feel that they are not alone. Please be accepting of yourself and others’ imperfections, knowing that most are trying to do their best. And those who choose denial, who refuse to learn, grow, be open to self awareness – that is on them, not you – these ones be careful of.

Please hang into your hope. Please keep recovering from your childhood trauma so that the detox continues, and the projection stops with you.

I think you’re doing great! So proud of the work you’re doing. It is HARD work and I believe you made the best decision – to heal. The sense of freedom that results is so worth it!

I love you, little Lisa. I am so proud of you. 😊 I admire you so very much and am super glad you’re still here.

#Childhoodtrauma #TraumaRecovery #itsnotyourfault #CPTSD #cptsdhealing #Selflove #Selfcompassion #Selfworth

Lisa B Hilton is an Advanced Certified Trauma Recovery Coach who has lived experience. Through coaching she supports fellow adults transform their travesty into triumph. Please read her blog: Is Trauma Recovery Coaching Right for You? and reach out to her if you feel this modality of Trauma Recovery Coaching will be a good fit for you. Thank you.