Depression never get better
#Depression #worse than cancer
I am a medical doctor,56 year old dad, father of two beautiful daughter and husband of a gorgeous wife. struggling with depression for 25 years . Married to my wife in the darkest and deepest depression in hope that marriage can heal my depression. 4 years living and working without any medication with the push of my wife 21 years under medical and psychotherapy treatment struggling with social phobia and anxiety and depression migrating to canada science 7 years ago and unemployed for 7 years . Never be able to support my kids emotianally dying for to be able to communicate with my kids like a father hug them and give them support all the time afraid from one day my children go through this horrible pain that I feel. Attempted suicide seven times in the hope that my wife leave me and raise my children because I wasn´t able to witnessed my childre suffer from the pain of lonliness and failure all the time. Tolerate others and laugh to hide your depression.And now after last suicide they know about my depression and suicides and my wife is not able to support me anymore. I am tired of living. All the time tomorrow was worse than yesterday I take all antidepressant and antipsychotics and had done ECT .I can´t support my kids emotionally and financially I see their future are like me, lonely and sad I wish I killed myself before marriage because this curse never leave me. I wish to die right now because living as a disable father or person is not worthed. I can´t help my kids and at the same time I can´t kill myself because it makes their condition worse. Staying alive also reach them to the same result only later I don´t know what to do. I am tired of medications, councelling and all of these nonsense I only want peace to rest for ever , stops this battle once for all.