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January is 10 Days In!

Hello Everyone.
Welcome to another episode of #WhatOnEarthIsHappening ! 🤣

My emotions nose dived today like as if I was flying in an air plane circus show. #emotional time periods are not the best times, but they can be #Valuable when we have #Anxiety . I started to #think about all of these things that I have experienced so far since my father had died in March 2022.

When my #Dad passed away... I lost my favorite pain in the @$$. I was his favorite too. I #Love and #MISS my Dad so much. #Death is not an easy thing to #handle . But while I was #dealing with the #Lose of my Dad, I had them lost my job right after coming down with a terrible #illness .

It was a nightmare for me how I #lost my #Job and my #daddy all in such a short time span. I haven't found another job since because I have not mentally been #prepared for #MentalHealth is something that needed to be worked on as I am still #grieving over my father and my job.

So... Here I am... #RidingTheWaves that come in and out in my mind. Sometimes I just need to #RollWithIt and do what I need to do in the best way I can,.. even if it isn't my usual best. #Trying is better than #denying and #Procrastinating .

I must start small.
If I want a #Job ... I should try a small part time job somewhere. Maybe a retail job.. but.. even #Retail can be #stressful these days. It's getting #worse now that #AnxietyDisorder is getting stronger or more intense with me. But I will do my #best to #KeepWalking onward.

Do you have any words of encouragement for me?


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I didn’t dig the hole .#Grief #motherlessdaughter

July 4th is the 6th year anniversary of my mom dying. Normally , I mentally start digging a hole sometime in May and it’s deep and ready for me by July. Don’t get me wrong , I miss her terribly, and tomorrow will be a solemn day, but unless I dig it overnight , I won’t have a hole to drown in. I love you mom. #Parentloss

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Missing my Dad

What do I do when I feel like a piece of me died with him? I miss my #Dad more than anything. I am #hesrtbroken and thinking about the days he and I went to #MagicKingdom together and all the #DisneyWorld magic that we had in our hearts. This lives on with me.

I miss you Dad..


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🎄“The most wonderful time of year”?🎄

Have wanted to share this for days now but I’ve struggled to find the words. 🤔📝Christmas… it’s supposed to be the “most wonderful time of the year”, the “season to be jolly”, and the “hap-happiest season of all”, but it doesn’t always feel that way.
As a kid, for me, Christmas was always a big deal in my family, it was a busy, happy, excitable, almost magical, time of year. Even as a young adult in my twenties, Christmas was still an amazing time of year. In recent years though, the magic, excitement, and wonder, of the Christmas season seems to have faded and been replaced with sorrow, grief, and heartache. 😔 My mum always made sure that Christmas and New Year were fun, enjoyable, occasions that people looked forward to with excitement every year. Sadly, 6 years ago, not long after my 31st birthday, my mum passed away, and since then Christmas hasn’t been the same… nothing has been the same… 💔 My heart aches for her every day, and then Christmas time comes round and it makes my heart ache even more. I try to get into the excitement of Christmas and New Year because she told me that she wanted me to “get on with [my] life and enjoy [yourself] again”. And I try, I really try, especially at Christmas and New Year, but I still feel that overwhelming loss, which makes it difficult to enjoy this time of year the way that she would want me to. This, in turn, makes me feel like a failure, like I am letting her down, like I am failing to fulfil her dying wish. 😔 Then I feel bad that I am not as excited and eggar about celebrating Christmas and New Year than everyone else seems to be. I worry about sharing how low I am really feeling, and how difficult I find the holidays, because I don’t want to ruin anyone else’s mood.
I know that lots of people find the holidays difficult, for so many reasons, and that I’m not the only one feeling the way I do at this time of year, I just don’t really know who to turn to for support and advice. That’s when I remembered that there is one community that would understand, a place where people can relate to you, where people are offered support, encouragement, and compassion, instead of judgment and criticism - the amazing community of my fellow Mighties. #Grief #CheckInWithMe #MightyTogether #MentalHealth #Depression #ChronicDepression #Anxiety #Parentloss #Heartache #Christmas #ChristmasHeartache #holidaydepression

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The grief for the loss of those who are still alive

In January 2020 my father had a breakdown, and in the hospital emergency room where my mother had dragged him thinking he was having a stroke, we discovered cancer. First they talked about a brain tumor, which would be scary in itself, but given the history of two aunts who had had brain tumors, operated on and got well, it didn’t seem like the worst-case scenario. Unfortunately it wasn’t just that. We were facing an advanced cancer, complex, cruel and incurable.

My family always told the story of the “cat that fell off the roof”. Basically, it narrated that it was not correct to give the news that a cat died, but to unravel the outcome little by little.

The cat climbed onto the roof.


The cat fell off the roof.


The cat died.


With us, it was similar. “There is a tumor”. Okay, I trust in medicine, it’s “just” to operate. My sister and I weren’t even in the country. She ran to our hometown, promising to tell me the truth about the gravity of the situation. It didn’t take long for me to get a desperate call where my sister narrated being stopped by doctors in the hospital corridor, where they began introducing the theme of “survival”.

With surgery scheduled, I took the first flight I could get the next day, to get there before then. I didn’t know what to expect, but I felt it could be a farewell. I, who always had an extremely troubled relationship with my father — about whom we sometimes wonder if some complicated traits didn’t come from the disease, which could have been in my father’s head for 10 years, slowly growing, according to the doctors — had a moment very striking where I asked “You thought I wouldn’t come, right?” where he, from the hospital bed, replied “Yeah. I thought I wouldn’t come.”

While my mother and sister acted in a state of despair, I was still in shock. I would sit down with the doctor and start asking very didactic questions to try to understand what was going on in that head now even more tragically intriguing. And he asked questions that no one else had the courage to ask. What will happen from now on? What can we expect from here? How long is he estimated to have? How will my father die? How should we prepare for this moment?

Doctors aren’t gods and don’t have all the answers. My father’s were extremely competent, solicitous, available and patient. But still they don’t have all the answers. Even more so when it comes to the mind, there is a lot of uncharted territory. “There are patients who, with surgery and treatment, survive for another 6 months; there are rare cases of people who live up to 10 years.”

But a phrase that the neurosurgeon always tried to make clear, in a subtle but necessary way, was “he will never be the same again”. Which opens up many interpretations of how much a person can stop being himself.

Read the rest here on medium:

#Grief #Cancer #Loss #BrainCancers #Parentloss #Depression #antiexy


Crying unexpectedly #Grief #Parentloss #feelinglonely

It’s been 6 months since my mom died. Though my tears are not as frequent, the timing and trigger of of my tears is so unexpected. This makes it hard to go places and do things because I never know when the waterworks will come. I drive by the storage where things of value and sentiment are kept and I started crying when other times I don’t. With the holidays coming up I am scared what my response will be. I’m already sad that she won’t be here to celebrate Christmas, and seeing other families celebrating will remind me that my mom has died. Either way will be hard. What did you do your first year?

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Two Years Without My Father #Grief #Parentloss #Father

(Since I’m just now joining The Mighty, I’d like to share this milestone that I previously published on my personal social media accounts.)

It’s been 730 days.

I still don’t know how to look at my life without seeing the absence of you in everything.

But for growth, I know that pain is essential. And although my mantra over and over again this year has been:

You should be here.
You should be here.
You should be here.

I’ve come to realize that a shattered heart can still beat.

I’ve learned that grief is a constant dance of sorrow and joy; that it can also be a companion rather than just an enemy.

And I’ve slowly started to fall back in love with being alive.

So, I guess I should do myself the kindness of admitting that over two impossibly difficult years, that is some damn good growth. I think you’d see that, too.

And I can find peace in knowing that someone so special will never be forgotten. Because oh, how special you were, Dad.

Oh, how special you were.

You know, there’s this saying that you should try to be the things you loved most about those who are gone. I want to be the reason that someone still believes in love and the goodness of people. Because if anything else, that’s what you stood for. And love is all you really need in order to endure anything in your life that troubles you.

That holds true today, tomorrow, and always. Loving you and being loved by you changed my life. It should come as no surprise that losing you has done the same.

So, for the rest of my days I will try to absorb all the love that I can find, and be forever searching for moments full of you. And I know that I will find them, each and every day, in a million lingering pieces.

In a stranger’s fleeting smile. In a classic rock song you loved on the radio. In the familiarity of all the beautiful things and relationships that you built. In the crashing waves of the ocean. In the conversations of your family and friends. In the reflection looking back at me in the mirror.

Because those who love us never really leave us.


You’re here, right where you belong.


A Year Without My Father #Grief #Parentloss #Father

(Since I’m just now joining The Mighty, I’d like to share this milestone that I previously published on my personal social media accounts.)

It’s been a full 365 days without you.

I’m trying to do the best that I can because I know that you would want me to be happy and to be strong. But it hurts, Daddy. It hurts so deeply and I’m not sure if it’s ever going to stop. I just don’t understand a lot of things and I can’t fathom that you’re really gone. I miss you so much that it’s crippling to the very core. All year I’ve been shouting to the universe and anyone who may be listening until my voice was hoarse and my heart was numb. Why him? Why me? Why my family? Was there anything I could have said or done differently? Why did this happen? Answer me!

But I’ve learned that grief can either destroy you or change your life for the better. It depends on you as to how it does or does not define you.

So, I will talk about you, my extraordinary father, not because I’m stuck or because I haven’t moved on, but because I am yours, and you are mine, and no amount of time or even death will ever change that.

Knowing that has reminded me of the message and legacy that you left behind. On the day that I lost you, the last thing you ever said to anyone was to “keep going”. Personally, I don’t think of this as a coincidence. I think in a strange and beautiful way, it was a message straight from God, through you, that was meant for myself and our family.

When you are happy, keep going. When you are sad, keep going. When you have a wonderful thing happen in your life, keep going. When you have a terrible thing happen in your life, keep going. When you have faith in God, keep going. When you doubt God, keep going. Even when you have to face crippling grief through the loss of one of the most important individuals in your entire life, keep going. No matter what happens in your life, good or matter what victories or losses you may matter what beauty or tragedy life puts in your path...until you see God come down from the heavens with Jesus Christ and all the holy angels to wake the dead and finally bring you and all your loved ones home together: keep going.

Keep. Going.

And I will, Daddy. For you, the most remarkable man in my life who I love so much...I will try.

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Happy Birthday Dad #Cancer #LungCancer #Parentloss #Depression #MentalHealth #ValentinesDay

Today might be Valentine’s Day to many of you, but to me it’s so much more than that. To me it has always been my dad’s birthday. My dad passed away on October 18th of last year from lung cancer. He fought for just 4 short months before he lost his battle. It’s been the most difficult thing, the loss of my father. I never knew what to expect! I had no idea how terrible this was going to feel! So today being his birthday, I miss him that much more.
I’ve been on a downward spiral since his passing. When he was sick, I was so busy orchestrating his care that I didn’t have time to be depressed. My mental health took a back seat to his well-being. But since he’s been gone it’s been another story. I’ve gone downhill and don’t know how to get back up again.
I know it’s more like two separate thoughts but I’m just writing as it comes to my mind I guess. I just needed to get it out. Thanks for listening.


5 stages of Grief

Sometimes when we lose someone (a pet or person) we forget that the grieving continues even after services. Check out my article to learn how to cope with each stage. #Grief #denial #Bargaining #anger #Depression #Acceptance #Loss #ChildLoss #Parentloss #SiblingLoss #lossofbestfriend #InternationalSurvivorsOfSuicideLossDay #Suicide #Loss

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