beyondworthy

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#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

Am I Enough?
#beyondworthy
Borderline is such a fickle thing it can control our every day life but we can get through it with courage and strife.
There are times we ask ourselves are we enough? does this person whom I love think it to ?
We are at war with our selfs everyday we fight and struggle and lock ourselves away.

Know this we may have Borderline personality disorder but we are warriors we are passionate brave and have so much to give so much love and hope so although it may seem so hard sometimes and we ask are we enough?

The answer is yes

know your not alone those people that stick by you no matter how bad things go are the ones who will stick by you forever.

Your a warrior and together we will get through the struggle together we will overcome our BPD.

Your enough.

By Angie Taylor new to The Mighty and proud to have Borderline Personality Disorder I'm 26 diagnosed at 15.

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Dear Past, Present and Future Me #beyondworthy #PTSD

DEAR PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE ME

TO MY WOUNDED INNER CHILD,

YOU FEEL CONFLICTED. YOU FEEL SCARED. THE CHAOS IN YOUR LIFE IS CONSUMING, BUT IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU ARE LOVABLE. YOU ARE STUPENDOUSLY IMPERFECT. YOU ARE ENOUGH. QUASH THE SHAME THAT DEVOURS YOUR SOUL. PRACTICE FORGIVENESS. DRY THOSE TEARS, SWEET GIRL.

TO MY WOUNDED TEENAGE SELF,

YOU FEEL TORMENTED. YOU FEEL BITTER.THE HATRED AROUND YOU, SCORCHES YOUR SOUL, BUT IT DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE CAPABLE. YOU ARE ENOUGH. ABOLISH ADVERSITIES THAT HINDER YOUR PATH. FOLLOW YOUR HEART. CREATE A DESTINY THAT REFLECTS YOUR DREAMS.

TO MY WOUNDED ADULT SELF,

YOU FEEL LOST. YOU FEEL MISUNDERSTOOD. YOU MADE MISTAKES, BUT MISJUDGEMENTS WILL NEVER JUSTIFY SUCH IRREVOCABLE DISRESPECT AND MISTREATMENT. YOU ARE KIND. YOU ARE WHOLE. YOU ARE ENOUGH. PROTECT YOUR AUTHENTICITY FROM HARMFUL SOURCES. SEARCH FOR YOUR LIGHT. TAKE SOLACE IN YOUR SUPPORT.

TO MY WOUNDED MATERNAL SELF,

YOU FEEL DAMAGED. YOU FEEL FILTHY. YOU LIVE IN PERPETUAL FEAR OF WHAT WAS. BREATHE DEEPLY. YOU ARE UNBREAKABLE. YOU ARE COMPETENT. YOU ARE ENOUGH. ACCEPT THIS CHAOS AS TEMPORARY. NAVIGATE THE DARKNESS WITH YOUR HOPE. RESTORE YOUR FAITH IN GOD.

TO MY COURAGEOUS WARRIOR SELF,

YOU FEEL LIVELY. YOU FEEL ENLIGHTENED. YOUR TRAUMA HAS NEVER DEFINED YOU. YOUR STORY REFLECTS RESILIENCE AND GROWTH. STAND PROUD IN YOUR VULNERABILITY. YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE BEEN PREPARING YOU FOR A BEAUTIFUL JOURNEY. EMBRACE YOURSELF. FLOURISH.

.. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER, YOU ARE ENOUGH.

BEST WISHES,
ME

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Reflections In The Mirror #MyFlawsWillNotDefineMe

Reflection In The Mirror
(My Flaws Will Not Define Me)

dear present me
I know that you're hurting
and I can see it in your eyes
you think you deserve it

but you are smart
even when your bruised and battered brain
molds itself to fight both for
and against you

you are beautiful
even when the scars on your body shine
as a constant reminder
that something in you is broken

you are loyal
even when those whom you love more than anything in this world
break you and bruise you and
abandon you to the wolves

you are compassionate
even when others do not deserve
the love that pours from your soul
you sacrifice everything to care for them

you are kind
even when the pain you have experienced
penetrates and poisons your self-esteem

you are trusting
even when people break your heart
and shatter your bones
then tell you you aren't bleeding
and if you are then you deserve it

you are honest
even when thousands of lies
like concrete
were poured into you and hardened into stone throughout the years

you are forgiving
even of those who cause you pain
you see the good in all
and accept the wrong behaviors of the human race

you are generous
you shower time and energy and love unto others
even when it leaves you exhausted
and with little to show for it
but the calluses of hard work

you are all of these things and so much more

you are an authentic piece of artwork
pieced together with care and creativity
made out of love and strength and perserverence

you are an empathetic and caring example of humanity
who is completely and utterly whole
even when broken into shattered pieces

you are a fearless spirit
running wild and uninhibited
towards gracious freedom
and the everlasting reward of love
that you deserve

you are who you are
and who you used to be
and who you will become

and that is more than enough.

#beyondworthy #MightyPoets #PTSD #Depression #Anxiety #morethanenough #Poetry

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I am #beyondworthy of my #AnorexiaNervosa recovery

For a long time, I wanted to die and had thoughts of killing myself, and it turned out self-starvation, or call it anorexia nervosa if you don’t fear the words, has been a way to a slow death that actually made the whole dying thing a lot less scary. (...)

I was close. So close to death, it felt like I was flirting with it. Until I felt it – or rather heard it – a whisper telling me it wasn’t my time to go yet, that life wasn’t over just now. It was the other part of me, the good one, the kind and caring one, that was trying to reach out, in one last attempt. She was trying – with the little strength, she had left – to give me a good push, to scream at me and tell me to fight for this. But what was this? I had no idea. And this voice, this feeling, was so tiny I wasn’t even sure it was a real thing… but that, precisely, was #Depression  telling me lies, hiding the truth from me, hiding the life that was still in me, making me believe in such horrible things about myself and about the world.

But as tiny as it was, one day - for some reason I will probably never be able to explain - I chose to believe in it, in this tiny little thing, and take on that storm inside of me head on. (...)

Thinking about it now almost makes it sound like a miracle. And maybe it was. It was #Life calling me back to the surface, it was that ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ everyone always talks about. It was such a tiny glimmer at first that I couldn’t see it, but as tiny as it was, I could still feel the burn of life inside of me. And that was the moment I realised I was still alive and wished to remain so.

That was the moment I entered #Recovery .
 
Today, some days still happen to be quite foggy, but I think I can say the storm has passed, or rather, I beat that mother fucker. I walked out of it, my head high and a different person. A better me. A ‘me’ who has hope again, sees miracles in simple things and feels magic. After everything that happened, after everything I put myself through, I’m still here, still breathing – alive and well in my mind and my body (well, on most days), healthy and flawed, but perfectly enough and capable, and brave, and beyond worthy of this life.

I am beyond worthy.

Because I have the bravery to take on life, and it takes so much more courage to choose life rather than death.
Because I deserve to experience the little things, these tiny everyday miracles that feel like magic and make life a lot more bearable.
Because I now believe again there are thousands of beautiful things waiting for me.
Because I have love to give and I deserve just as much in return.
Because there’s only one ‘me’, unique and special, and there’s never going to be anyone who could ever replace me.

6 comments
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I am #beyondworthy of my #AnorexiaNervosa recovery

For a long time, I wanted to die and had thoughts of killing myself, and it turned out self-starvation, or call it anorexia nervosa if you don’t fear the words, has been a way to a slow death that actually made the whole dying thing a lot less scary. (...)I was close. So close to death, it felt like I was flirting with it. Until I felt it – or rather heard it – a whisper telling me it wasn’t my time to go yet, that life wasn’t over just now. It was the other part of me, the good one, the kind and caring one, that was trying to reach out, in one last attempt. She was trying – with the little strength, she had left – to give me a good push, to scream at me and tell me to fight for this. But what was this? I had no idea. And this voice, this feeling, was so tiny I wasn’t even sure it was a real thing… but that, precisely, was #Depression  telling me lies, hiding the truth from me, hiding the life that was still in me, making me believe in such horrible things about myself and about the world. But as tiny as it was, one day - for some reason I will probably never be able to explain - I chose to believe in it, in this tiny little thing, and take on that storm inside of me head on. (...) #Recovery .  Today, some days still happen to be quite foggy, but I think I can say the storm has passed, or rather, I beat that mother fucker. I walked out of it, my head high and a different person. A better me. A ‘me’ who has hope again, sees miracles in simple things and feels magic. After everything that happened, after everything I put myself through, I’m still here, still breathing – alive and well in my mind and my body (well, on most days), healthy and flawed, but perfectly enough and capable, and brave, and beyond worthy of this life.I am beyond worthy.Because I have the bravery to take on life, and it takes so much more courage to choose life rather than death.Because I deserve to experience the little things, these tiny everyday miracles that feel like magic and make life a lot more bearable.Because I now believe again there are thousands of beautiful things waiting for me.Because I have love to give and I deserve just as much in return.Because there’s only one ‘me’, unique and special, and there’s never going to be anyone who could ever replace me.

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You Are #beyondworthy

You are beautiful. You are loved. You are cared for. You are special. You are unique. You are accepted. You are Dr. Pepper because you're one of a kind. But out of all these things, the most important one is that you are you. So don't be afraid to tell people how you feel. Be honest. And when you have to, be vulnerable. We learn the most about ourselves when we are. You are all of these things and much more.
Stay mighty friends! Ciao!
#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Suicide #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #allmentalhealthandmore #beyondworthy

5 comments
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A year in the life of someone with mental illness.

I am not going to lie, the last 12 months has been tough.
But I will continue to fight, even when I have had enough.
When I look back at what I have achieved this year,
2018 I shall not fear.
In January someone broke my heart so I broke my arm,
What a perfect response Emma, why not do yourself further harm?
In February I attempted suicide,
With the ambulance & police I had to ride.
Even though sometimes I cannot cope,
I know the solution doesn’t lie at the end of a rope.
Even if you think you are causing others bane,
Removing yourself from the world will only inflict more pain.
In March I withdrew from harmful medication,
One I had been taking for a 3 year duration.
In April I stopped drinking Pepsi Max,
At 15 a day, I was addicted & had to make some serious cutbacks
In May I pursued a passion & made new friends,
I won an award & received ample commends.
In June my panic attacks began to surge,
Not leaving the house became a massive urge.
They have not disappeared but have become less often,
Another triumph rather than a nail in my coffin!
In July I was wondering the streets at night,
I was scared to go home, I did not want to fight.
In August I started to cut up my arm,
Although not ideal, I saw it as lesser self harm.
My blades have all gone & another destructive habit kicked,
No more mutilation, this box is well & truly ticked.
In September I completely stopped being able to sleep,
After 5 nights with nothing all I could do was weep.
I have always had insomnia but this was next level,
I was hallucinating & convinced I was being tortured by some kind of devil.
This is something I have not yet managed to fix
But I am filtering through all boxes of tricks.
In October I upped the frequency of treatment,
I filled any gaps I thought were absent.
In November I spent a week away,
It was incredibly distressing but I did see some hope & less grey.
Now to December & where I am now,
My journey continues & through adversity I continue will plough.
Despite these struggles I have always kept eating,
Thoughts of anorexia returning have only ever been fleeting.
I know this year I am going to find some peace, The constant battles will only continue to cease. #Suicide #SuicideAwareness #psychology #MySymptoms #beyondworthy #MightyPoets #Poem #Poetry #Depression #Anxiety #Anorexia #EatingDisorder #Recovery #sad #CheckInWithMe #Inspiration #Life #Love #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #AnorexiaNervosa #MentalIllness
#MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #disabilty #Hope #positive

6 comments