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    Family Photo Albums

    Over at a friends house. They didn't have a normal childhood. No one did. But they brought out a photo album from theirs and I was so shook by the differences. Anybody out there relate? This ever happen to you? #dysfunctionalfamiy #shook #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors #ChildhoodEmotionalAbuse #ChildhoodAbuse #deathofalovedone #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors

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    I Really Miss My Cousin #rip #deathofalovedone #hurt #lost #ineededyou #firstcousin #BestFriends #Death #Pain #Grief

    I Was Just Went You, Your Cousins Are Your First Friends, Your First Bestfriend Your Real True Friend.... When You Saw Her You Saw Me. And As We Got Older We Grew Closer. This Is A Pain I Don’t Wish On My Worst Enemy. And What Hurts The Most.... We Was Just Together Saturday And Sunday, And Monday You Was Gone 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢 Why Shi!!! I’m Loss, I’m Hurt, I Don’t Feel Normal Anymore. Just Knowing I’LL Never See You Again Kills Me. November 2nd Was The Worse Day Of My Life!!!! Plus We Was Just Together 😢😢😢😢 And Was Always Together. Thanksgiving Didn’t Even Feel The Same. I Struggle With Major Depression, Anxiety And Sometimes Panic attacks And Since I Loss My Cousin Omg 😢😢😢😢 #Depression #MajorDepression #Anxiety #PanicAttacks If It Wasn’t For My 10 Year Old (He Make 11 December 18th) Omg. I Just Feel Loss, SHIANNE You Left Me By Myself.... You Was My Run Too, My Shoulder When I Wanted To Cry, When I Needed You You Came Everytime. And It Was The Exact Same Way With Me. I’m Hurt For Life



    My husbands learned this morning his auntie just passed away. Her nursing home believed it was pneumonia, (though I bet they didn't even test or prevent against covid-19)

    My husband isn't spiritual like me so he isn't able to take comfort in the belief of an afterlife. I don't know what to say to comfort him.

    When my aunt passed away from cancer, my mom did nothing, she just acted like it was a normal day. She did the same when she learned from her own parents passing. I don't think my mom's example was correct, but as they say, everyone grieves differently. It just would've been nice if she had taken a moment to cry or hug, or talk about the good times... Or at least act like she cared. I don't know. I'm just a little afraid that by me not saying the right thing to help my husband through his grieving that I may come across as cold and indifferent as my NPD mom. And I just was wondering if any of you could help in this area.

    I love my husband, and I loved his auntie. I didn't know her very well, but she was a real sweet person, a kindred spirit. She used to babysit my husband when he was little. And while I believe her spirit has been reunited with her husband and all her loved ones in eternity, my husband can't. My heart aches for him and I don't know what to say that would be of any comfort to him.

    #Grief #deathofalovedone



    I lost my sister February 25th. I've been reluctant to post because I don't know what to say. I'm going through so many emotions right now. I feel sad my sister died alone and depressed and I feel guilty because I feel like she always lived in my shadow and I feel anger because she left me here all alone. I miss her so much. She is the first person I think about in the morning and the last person at night. We used to talk on the phone or hangout everyday. I lost a best friend too. I still pick up the phone to call her then I remember she isn't alive. Anyways, if you have any words of encouragement please reach out

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    For You / Once More - A Poem for My Best Friend

    For You / Once More

    I see you lying on the floor
    I’m begging please come back once more
    I’m thinking of all things left unsaid
    and all the things we never did, all the times we’ll never have
    So please come back once more
    and get up of the floor
    I need you here with me, as I am here for you
    Because I’m lying on the floor
    and here, you are no more
    I’m shouting at the world and yelling at myself
    I’m crying out at night
    and weeping through the day
    So my dear,
    Please come back once more
    Because I’m knocking on the door
    begging for some more.
    Because I need you here with me
    So I can let you know
    That alone you’ll never be
    I see you lying on the floor
    so please come back to me
    and let the deal be
    That I shall go for you
    and you shall stay for me!
    For the love I have for you
    Brings me to my knees
    and breaks my beating heart
    My tears have cried a river
    When we a really need the sea
    So please come back to me!
    and let the deal be
    that I shall go for you
    and you shall stay for me.

    In loving memory of Cadence ~ 18/11/1998 – 28/04/2018

    #Grief #grieving   #Poetry #Poem  #deathofalovedone #Love #Pain #suddendeath #bestfriend #RestInPeace


    Back To December

    Today is my Grandma’s birthday but just a week ago she lost her husband. To celebrate my Grandpa’s 90th birthday on the 20th and then having him passaway the next day has been so much to deal with. I am surrounded by my parents, two aunts, one uncle and two cousins so it has been okay. I didn’t end up in hospital over dealing with the multiple emotions of my grandpa dieing. In addition to stress of my family having to scramble to get better care with her dementia has been hectic. I am exhausted to have bpd is hard when dealing with death or mourning. I have not slept soundly since last week. I am just needing to calm the chaos and busyness of these of the holidays. It has not been very fun but we have made our best efforts to be together strong and cope in way that is healthy. I want my grandma to be able to enjoy her birthday. I know my grandpa would want that. It has been the hardest week of her life but she is strong. Together we will get through this.

    I dunno what I would do without my family.
    RIP Grandpa D
    #HolidaysAreHard #deathofalovedone #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder

    1 comment

    Blessed but grieving #Grief #Missingimportant events #deathofalovedone

    On the night before my surgery my Aunt passed away I found out about when I woke up to do some last minute preparations for pre-operation. I wasn’t able to really process my feelings until I got home yesterday. Tomorrow is the grave side funeral service and I won’t be able to go. My dad isn’t going to be there do to not being able to give the eulogy of his sister. ( he has late on set depression and his medication isn’t working yet, it’s been a really long struggle for him to get a medication that will work without serious side effects.)I’m thinking that it would be a good idea for me and my just my dad go to the grave when I am able to go out? What do you think? #CheckInWithMe #Disapointing #Grief


    In search for love and support

    I am known to be the bubbly friendly super down to earth person that everyone assumes to have a solid support system but that is not really true. Every time I go through a difficult season my friends fade away and I feel alone and forgotten. I do my best to check in with those around me because I don't wish for anyone to ever feel alone in a difficult season... but I am going through a difficult season right now and as predicted the people around me have faded again and I'm left to deal with it by myself. I try my best to be hopeful in people that they will show their love and care but no one has shown me that so far. I'm trying my best to fulfill my need for love care and support from others but so far I have not been successful. #CheckInWithMe #alone #Depression #Anxiety #breakup #deathofalovedone #MeToo