easier

This is a place where we can share our #Thoughts and our #feelings to one another. I have been #Trying hard to make things right with my life, and I know that it is difficult. I think a lot of us in this world feel a bit #lost right now. It is understandable because of what is happening in #ukraine and #russia at the moment. It is also #difficult to deal with #MentalHealth at the same time when you have a #MentalIllness that does not ever take a break. #Medicine can only take you so far in this world to make things #stabilized in the mind.

When #stressful situations occur, it is more difficult for those who have mental health conditions to handle than that of someone who does not have it. It is because we are already battling a mental war trying to use our #Therapy skills to apply to the #behavioral aspect of things while the medication helps take care of the #Neurological aspect of things. However, on the right kind of #Medication we are able to handle things a lot better. Of course we will always have some kind of #Sadness in our lives, as it is not the #Goal of medication to make us #robotic . However, the medicine we take does help to ease the existing conditions we already have so that we are less #sensitive to the #Extremes we would feel without the medicine.

I have #BipolarDisorder so this is something that is already a #Battle since I was about 16 years old. Sometimes all I can do is put on some lipstick and handle it the best way that I can, even if that means I need to take a few extra #Naps in the day. Whenever you are faced with #extreme amounts of #Stress things are not going to be easy for you. That is #normal . I just #wish that life were a lot #easier to handle though for those of us who have pre-existing mental health conditions that create more conflict and blow up the #emotional responses.

So - If you are #Reading this, please #DistractMe and give me something to think about other than my Dad's liver #Cancer

#Suicide my son took his life at the age of 27. This year sees us reaching double figures as it is now 10 years since he physically left my side. Time hasn't made it #easier , it is no easier today than it was 10 years ago. Time hasn't made it #better. #itdoesn 'tgetbetter. He took his life on May 1st but wasn't found until the 11th. I was never able to view him, I took a photograph in for them to check it really was him!
This year, on the 11th, I had to have a small hospital procedure. I could have postponed it but it would have been another 2 months or so, my head was saying no get it done now less to worry about. I have always known what he did, which I don't like to talk about, but I think all of these years I hadn't though of the process he had gone through. During the procedure at the hospital I was #triggered and just lost it. I had already told the nurse that it was his anniversary so to expect some tears, but this was that #heartbreak all over again. I had just realised exactly what he had gone through to complete his #Suicide. I knew it was never an accident but this reaffirmed it. OMG he did all of this and not once did anything come into his head to say hey hang on a minute. The whole procedure would have taken him a good 20-30 minutes before he #lost consciousness.
Since then my #Anxiety and #Depression save become a lot worse. #Isolation should be my ideal world but I don't think it's helping, I can't go out when I feel I need the space to scream and shout, it's usually the beach and the sea.
One thing the does help is that I know #imnotalone. Take care and stay safe Sx

The "daymare" I am living within.

A rough month

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