emetophobia

This phobia has ruined my life. I’m always scared I’ll be s**k or that food is dangerous. I check for expiration dates on everything, even water. I won’t eat out, I can’t leave my house. I take pepto & Imodium religiously to the point I’m concerned with the usage. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t gain weight, I can’t control the panic attacks, now that flu season is here I’m a wreck. #Emetophobia

I prepped everything for the potential midnight eventuality but ... nothing happened :-)

6am, 10h: I woke up (wow is this clockwork). I think I might have had a low grade fever but I didn't check, slept it off (room was cold when I went to sleep, but felt strangely significantly warmer/though not terribly hot at 6am as I woke up)

10-11am, 14-15h post-booster: I can't remember specifics cos I was kinda sleepy but I changed out of PJs and took a shower, was pretty tired but functional hahahha so I told myself to shower while I'm still feeling up to it

1.30pm, 17.5h: I order myself lunch, on delivery. I couldn't really decide what I wanted, but eventually settled with a meal deal from a Korean place - boneless Korean fried chicken with mandu (Korean fried dumplings)

I'm not sure if that was bold lol I was considering going extra conservative like, nothing fried 😂 Considered noodle soup/congee at first but in combi of minimum order amt/delivery fee/what I felt like eating, I guess this was what I ended up with when the stars aligned hahahah. While waiting for the food (lunch hour, food takes longer) I felt a bit funky but I'm prettty sure that was just gastric for not eating soon enough (like, not in the headachey/nausea sense, but the "something stabs my ribs owwww" sense) - so yeah I was okay/it went away once lunch arrived and I ate it :-)

2.30pm, 18.5h: Moderna booster arm is still sore lol. Not sure how tired I still am (how much of this is real? How much of this is me turning this into a mind game of self-fulfilling prophecy cos I took the booster? Maybe I'm not thaaat run-down? But what if the side effects have a delayed peak onset? But what if I think I'm ok and go do a thing and get hit badly later? ... etc.)

7pm-ish/23h: Covid arm is real and I'm so tired but no GI distress - could be bc I was sleeping it off 😆😂 I don't know if this means I'm all clear or are the side effects a delayed onset.

Felt like I slept 3/4 of my day. Haha. Had soup for dinner!

2am/30h - now lol. I'm making this post 😆🙃 I can still feel my covid arm lol but it doesn't hurt too bad and I can still use my left arm to text/crochet/whatnot, although it definitely still feels better to sleep/lie down on the other side. 😬

That's all for booster adventures! ... I hope.

TLDR, no GI distress so everything else was tolerable/manageable/could be slept off 😆😂

#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #COVID19 #Anxiety #Emetophobia [?]

I got Moderna booster at 8pm, it is 12.30am as I type this. I shifted it to 02Jan, a day earlier than originally intended cos the anxiety was driving me crazy I thought to hurry and be done with it.

I made sure to buy coconut water (bought 3 bottles and chugged one after my booster LOL), eat something light & non-fried (Chinese steamed dumplings with vinegar dip & ginger), then ... I had my shot, took a bottle of complimentary water offered at the centre, came home & showered & am being a lazy potato lazing in bed.

It's only been 4ish hours though, I hear the side effects kick in later. I haven't done anything medically (no meds of any sort yet), I've only drank that one bottle of coconut water. I'm ok for now but a bit paranoid about potentially having GI distress in the middle of the night 🙃 (cos 6-8h is wee hours when you boost at 8pm 🙃)

Idk if I'm paranoid but I've got my Asian triangle of supermarket plastic bag (idk why but it's a thing!!! Who else folds their plastic bags into triangles) - for emergency midnight barf if needed. I've left water in my room (basically didn't take out the mineral water/coconut water out of my haha) for ... whatever, dry mouth/general hydration/re-hydration if the midnight GI dance happens. ... & I've got fever meds in my room in case (this was not intentional or prepped, just from dental/braces previously), gotta find my thermometer and I'm good. I think.

I hope I can sleep - been so anxious about this the past few days (spent an insane amount of time scrolling the emetophobia/covid vaccine boards on reddit lololol, particularly for Pfizer primary dose with Moderna booster) - scroll reddit nonstop, subconsciously smell my sinus relief roll-on nonstop, ... nose burn LOLLLL. Oops.

I really don't know what to expect cos some people said they had zero GI distress, others said their primary doses were chill and this hit them like a truck - "don't assume things just cos your initial doses didn't give you much side effects", says Reddit. Hm.

... my freakout started when sister told me her friend puked :-/

AAAAH.

😏😏😏 If anyone wants to share their Pfizer ➡️ Moderna boost experience, chime in lol thanks!!!

Imma gonna brush my teeth and hope to get some good sleep (-:

#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #COVID19 #Anxiety #Emetophobia [?]

I shifted my booster from 3Jan 7pm to 2Jan 8pm! 😂🙊🙈 ... no special reason, I just thought to myself, "might as well get it over and done, else it will just give me more time to flip and be MORE anxious ..." but also 2Jan 8pm was the only 2Jan slot left. Which is fine by me, just need anything after 2pm or so after I'm done with church and lunch and things. I'm thankful enough that this season I don't have urgent work deadlines to deal, so taking the day [or two] to rest is thankfully possible. :-)

1. Will bring a full bottle of water, probably a small bag of saltine crackers
2. Bring yarn. Half an hr is plenty of time to crochet. Crochet is a great distraction.
3. 8pm means I'll be there after dinner (reminder to self: don't eat anything excessively fried)
4. Telling myself I'm not gonna bring a sick bag (most times it just reinforces and reminds me about it)
5. Telling myself I'm not gonna barf in public
6. Crossing my fingers damn hard I really don't barf on the floor/on me
7. I'm actually mainly terrified to barf acid/through my nose/aftermath cramps/SHAME etc etc [shame is probably the biggest biggie but ok sure 🙃]
8. I can't trololol. I've been imagining all the possibilities wrt this Moderna booster for the past 2 days and each time my mind does a somersault and my insides flip a bit at the Scary & (ok irrational and a bit cray, don't judge) then I sniff my eucalyptus blend roll-on (as a safety behaviour? Maybe, idk) -- nose burn LOL. Ok it's kinda stupid but even though ouch at least I can laugh about it 🙃

May the odds ever be in my (and your, if you're jabbing/boosting anytime soon esp in a 2P + M combi) favourrrr.

... and may the night after be smooth and un-barf-y too (ok I'm actually even more terrified to barf at night, childhood memories omg) 🙈🙃

It's 2022 on my end, happy (& gentle) New Year! 🎇💕

#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #COVID19 #Anxiety #Emetophobia [?]