emotional support dogs

#EmotionalSupportDogs
#ForTheLoveOfDogs
#Lovedogs
#CPTSD

My life has changed so much these last 3-4 years. Migraines became chronic and I’m now peri menopausal. Essentially, I’ve gone from a svelte healthy runner to an overweight hermit. I cannot exercise or go out in the sun (migraine triggers) & and now an empty nester. My husband of almost 30 years has NO compassion. My friends have for the most part given up on me due to all the cancellations. Easily crying and constantly thinking of exit plans.
I’ve almost had enough. I live for my dogs and my kids. I cannot wait to see what my 21 yr old (the baby) will do with her degree. The others have done great. #needtohangon #NeedSupport #EmotionalSupportDogs #MajorDepressiveEpisodes #Cryingspells

So, about a month ago my older pug (almost 16), passed away very suddenly. She has been with me through everything. Literally everything. She was there with me throughout school, moving out of state, a domestically violent and toxic marriage, etc. She’s gone now and I still can’t process that - but that’s another post.

Her little brother, also a pug, is going to be 14 year old this year. He’s absolutely distraught by the fact that his sister is gone. They were both #EmotionalSupportDogs for me - her more than him, but anyway. He is so distressed that he has an upset stomach on the kitchen floor any time I leave the house. So, anytime I leave there’s a rather large mess to clean up.

I live by myself and my young son is here every other week (it was every week and because the judge is a straight idiot, it was changed because his Narc sperm donor took him from me). Anyway.

I’m alone. Except for when my son is here, I’m alone. My parents think that because my pug makes a mess because he’s upset (4+ weeks, every single day sometimes multiple times a day) that I should give him up. What they don’t realize is that they have each other. I have no one except my pug. We share food, we share a bed, he snuggles me when I’m distraught. I don’t know what I’d do without him.

My stepmom even said “well don’t you want to be able to take (your son) on trips and things? You can’t with the dog doing that.” It really hurts.

I feel like if I let him go it’s as good as signing my own death warrant because I won’t survive on my own 100% alone. As it is now, I sleep as much as I can when my son isn’t here just so I don’t hurt as badly (chronic pain and EDS) and I get to see my baby girl who passed on when I’m asleep. It’s so much happier there.

My sister has special needs and has always taken all of my family’s time - the only way to get any help or any attention is to be horrible which I don’t want to model for my child. So, we’re on our own. The 3 of us.

The vet said I could get my pug a friend and that would likely help, but I’m not over grieving my sweet girl.

Can I just be done now? I want to be done. I don’t really want to live anymore and I’m really tired of fighting just to exist. Is it really worth it? What my parents don’t realize is my pug(s) are the reason I’m still alive. I’d have taken the easy way out a long time ago if it weren’t for them.

I’m truly drowning. I just hope it’s a quiet and peaceful way to go.