Sickandtiredofbeingsickandtired

When I say “I’m tired”
What I mean is…
I’m exhausted from wearing a mask.
A hollow smile that doesn’t reach my eyes
And protects against questioning stares.

When I say “I’m tired”
What I mean is…
I’m numb and everything feels too heavy.
Like every molecule, every thought, every breath of my being
is weighted with chains of doubt and insecurity,
and I’m struggling to carry them.

When I say “I’m tired”
What I mean is…
I’m overwhelmed and being buried alive under worry and anxiety.
The sheer amount of thoughts fall like an avalanche
so fast and so encompassing
that I can’t breath or find my way out.

When I say “I’m tired”
What I mean is…
I’m in pain from old wounds and traumas I thought were healed.
They can be triggered by a place, a phrase, a smell…or even nothing at all.
And they bombard me and draw blood just like bullets from a machine gun.

When I say “I’m tired”
What I mean is…
I’m losing the battle even though I seem to be winning the war.
I pick up my sword every day to keep my demons at bay,
But, today they are stronger.

When I say “I’m tired”
What I mean is…
Sleep feels like the only respite from my pain and self loathing.
You see me as lazy, laying bed all day
When really, that bed is both a haven and a prison.
I can escape from the demons in slumber
But, they trap me there as well.

When I say “I’m tired”
What I mean is…
I’m waving my white flag just for today
And tomorrow I’ll try to pick myself up again.

When I say “I’m tired”
Please understand…
I am fighting.
I am trying.
But, bad days happen
Sometimes they last for hours or weeks.
And I need time to rebuild my strength.

But know this…
I won’t be tired forever.
I will come back
Fists raised, armor on
Ready to keep fighting.

#Depression #Anxiety #tired #MentalHealthAwareness #MentalHealthAdvocacy #MentalHealth #Sickandtiredofbeingsickandtired #Poetry #Poem #MightyPoets

I was diagnosed with RA about 20+ years ago and have been able to keep it managed pretty well. On 2/24/2020, that all changed. I had to have emergency surgery for a ruptured diverticula, had to have a colostomy for about 6 months and then reversal surgery in Aug. Since having the surgeries, my RA has been in a tailspin, blood pressure through the roof in spite of taking 2 different bp meds daily, flares are worse......I guess the only good thing to come from this is I was approved for disability. Im sad, cry ALL the time.....although, that could be menopause. But really?!?! On top of everything else....constant hot flashes and crying. 😳

Today has been really challenging for me and I seriously need to vent. I'm so sick of health issues and constant pain. I feel like I cannot take much more of this. It all feels like a repetitive cycle that just won't break no matter how much I need and want it to. I feel just so sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Can you relate? What are you all struggling with today?

I'm slipping into a relapse with my eating disorder. I feel like I can't talk to my therapist about it because I have been doing so well in recovery for so long, and I obviously know better than this. I know that skipping meals won't make the pain go away, and that being hungry will make me feel sick and exhausted and make my chronic illness symptoms worse, leading me to not getting things done and making me feel like a waste.
I know why this is happening. I'm doing intensive trauma therapy right now and even though it hurts so terribly to see myself as fat, and ugly, and disgusting, it hurts less than the things that happened in the past. I truely feel that if I relapse right now it is 100% my own fault because I know better and still chose not to do what I know is healthy. And that hurts.
#AnorexiaNervosa #PTSD #Sickandtiredofbeingsickandtired

I'm tired of doctor's appointments.
I'm tired of my insurance denying me care.
I'm tired of being alive.
And I'm really tired of explaining why.

The pain is excruciating tonight.
It's ripping me apart.

The darkness continues to creep into my heart and I honestly believe I would be better off dead. Fuck Trigeminal Neuralgia.
I cannot continue to bear this burden.

#Suicide #TrigeminalNeuralgia #suicidal #SuicidalIdeation #TrigeminalNeuralgiaType1 #CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Lonelyheart #Sickandtiredofbeingsickandtired #HealthInsurance #tired #ChronicFatigue

first time posting so I dont know what to expect. I recently went to a consultation for hunningtons disease. the last step was to speak to a HD counselor all I wanted to do was get the test over with so I know but they had other plans they want me to wait to get tested to get back into counseling and also wait bc of my sobriety from alcohol and pills also my suicide attempt 2 years ago. just thinking about all this has my mind in shambles.