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The line we carry

What is a pack? A hierarchy of the same group of animals. One in charge above all.

What is a family? A line of the same sort. There’s always one in charge while the others follow around.

What happens when a wounded pup is found? An abandoned animal? Neglect, passing by, nature shows us a multitude of things.

Typically it’s the mothering type that bring them in, clean them off, nurture and love them.

How often is it the father?

What it becomes in theory is a ‘family’.

A pack.

Big and little.

A family by all accounts, something positive and good. Strong in faith and loyalty, ties.

What becomes of the unit when it’s fractured though?

Pieces displaced by history and time.

The family I speak of, the family I remember, it started all with a little Mexican woman with a cooler of beers in the kitchen, dancing at the stove with whoever was in her reach. Her fingers twisted at awkward angles but if you took the spatula from her, god help you.

Through this woman the love passed on in her line, even to the stray pup that was brought inside.

Somewhere along the years of memories and grief, it broke. The new speaker tried to over rule who was who; get rid of the memories of the pup all together.

With his pups along side him.

The three who mourned her passing too.

And the line? Oh, an ode to the line- he may be yours but by law and justice, in the eyes of God almighty we belong to him too.

In a world so cruel and harsh it would push out a child, deny him, starve him, neglect him- to be placed directly in the path of the alpha, hand delivered by God himself.

/Remember his word. You’re not here because of spirituality, HE called you here./

How could you be so cruel to ostracize him while the man who brought him in, ordered by God, is lying in a hospital stuck in the state he is.

’Like arrows in the hand of the warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them.’

He may be yours by blood but he is our by teaching, by love, and the legacy of sacrifice.

Years before our own pack was formed, before he added the ones currently in his life-

’Little’ was the first one there.

‘Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me and whoever receives me, receives not me but he who sent me.’

I don’t deny your lineage.

I don’t deny the history that was built between you- them- him.

So don’t deny our lives.

One of the reasons we’re here today.

He gave him that piece first.

He gave him your last name.

That pup, now grown, an alpha on his own, he passed it to us.

He is just as much ours as he is yours.

I see you praying in the hallway.

I hear you praying over him.

Bile rises in my throat at the waves of hypocrisy that roll off of you.

We are here today because of God and the decisions, the choices he laid directly in the path of the son who’s mother had the crooked hands.

I mean no disrespect towards the line but whether YOU like it or not, we’re apart of it.

I want to remind you, STAR, it started with them. It started with us. I may not be given the official title but I hold it proudly in my heart.

The first grandchild.

My name given to me by my parents, my middle name inspired by him.

Maria, forever tying me to my Mexican roots.

I don’t know what’s going to happen, only God does.

His eyes may open, he could turn us away, but too many visitors we were NOT.

“The evil tongue is a flattering tongue that will speak fair to one’s face but will defame- ‘He that hateth dissembleth with his lips.’

You can say what you want but his name is on that paper, his hand signed it. That can’t be undone.

History and pain aside, the stories, you can’t change any of it.

The foundation of our family was laid on the god given words woven into their lives which in turn, attached our square to yours.

‘Big’

‘Little’

You can’t erase it.

No matter what is said, what is done, that’s what they’re known by.

Loyalty isn’t just standing at his side and praying to the God that brought us here, the one you’re willing to ignore.

Loyalty is being there through it all and standing by his side praying, the nails of their monsters having grown over their shoulders, asking for him to come back and open his eyes to say

“I love you” just one last time.

#Family #Familydrama #Faith #healingthroughwriting #lettertotheline #loyalty #Love #hegaveushisname

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Good news! (And a rant).

Hey, everyone. How was your Christmas? Mine was pretty awful, honestly. I'll try and explain it as best as I can.

Around 4 years ago, my mum was talking to my big sister (her name is Dawn), and she told her about my health conditions/problems. Dawn then proceeded to accuse me of faking my health issues. Despite the many scans and test results clearly showing they are real. And then, shortly afterwards, she said that any gifts or presents I buy for people for birthdays/christmas (and everything else) are worthless because the money comes from a 'government handout' (disability benefits). After learning this, I refused to talk to her unless she apologises. So, we didn't talk for several years.

My little sister (Jess) gave birth to my nephew in 2021, and I love him very much. Since Dawn doesn't live near us, she was only able to visit this passed Christmas, and she stayed at Jess's house for two weeks.

Originally, before Dawn announced she would be coming, the whole family was going to go to Jess's house for Christmas dinner and whatnot... But once she booked her tickets and everything, Jess said that I wasn't allowed to go to the event. I wasn't allowed to spend time with the whole family. Which REALLY upset me. So much so, that I seriously comfort-ate for a couple of weeks. I was binge-eating whatever I could get my hands on. And I spent the entire of Christmas day curled up in bed watching stuff on my laptop. It was my first Christmas alone and I hated it.

Anyway, that leads up to the good news. I was really expecting my diabetes to be so much worse, and I was expecting to have put on a lot of weight. So, I reluctantly went for my weight and diabetes check last week. After they recorded my weight, they told me that since last July, I've lost 20lbs! And my HBA1C blood test came back yesterday - it's not worse! In July it was 63, and as of yesterday, it was 62. Admittedly, it's not much progress, but considering I was expecting it to be a disaster, I feel pretty good.

Anyway - I'm sorry for this rant, I guess. I just needed to get it out. Thank you for getting this far, though. Have a great day!

#chronicillnesswarrior #chronichealth #ChronicPain #POTS #POTSUK #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #EDS #NAFLD #InterstitialCystitis #BladderPain #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Familydrama #Depression #PTSD #Migraines #Diabetes #diabetic #WeightLoss

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° " Here We Go Again ! " ° #Familydrama

° " So I Got A Text From My Older Brother Asking? If I Needed A Ride For Work Tomarrow. But The Text Rubbed Me The Worng Way. The Text Said Don't Call Or Text... Luke Wth. Then Why Ask Me If I Needed A Ride. I Alway's Leave A Text Or One Call To Make Sure. I Still Have A Ride. And That I Hate Being Late For Work. But Now It's Like Well. Fine Then Don't Ask Me If I Need Anything Then. If It's Such A Big Deal... I Have Never Asked For Ride's. In The 1st Place They Offered. Yes It Bugged Me. Because To Me It Was Rude AF... " ° Sincerely, • Skaoi Kvitravn • #Thought 's

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She has another son....

Last night we went to my sister in laws and brother in laws for my birthday dinner. My brother in law is dying of cancer. He told my husband last night he wasn't going to be around much longer and my mother in law piped in "I will be right behind you".... Like to me that is insensitive, inconsiderate and flat out rude. She has another son, not just my brother in law. I told my husband how I feel about what she had said and he said "just reminds me of who the favorite child is". I told him I wanted to message her to express how inappropriate that was and to remind her she has another son, but I didn't and he was glad. I am still irritated for him. #Familydrama #cancersucks

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Decisions, decisions...

So, a couple of weeks ago, I got a phone call at 8pm and it was a social worker from hospice calling to tell me that my mom is on hospice and is terminal due to dementia. Of course, I take it hard. That's my mom after all. The woman who gave me life, who took care of me, who made sure I had what I needed and more. There has been some family drama the past 5+ years.

Here's a little back story:
My mom has diabetes, high blood pressure, and she didn't take care of herself. Because of this, she is also legally blind. August 2016, she loses her right leg above the knee. April 2017, she loses the left knee below the kneee. Then 3 weeks later, they had to go back and go above the knee.

December 2018: My dad and I did the best we could, considering how stubborn and hard-headed she is. She said she wanted to give us a "break" and go stay with her brothers. Dad takes her up there and this is where the drama starts. They told us don't bother coming to see her. Said we neglected her, took her money, and just left her by herself. She ends up in a nursing home and we had to go to court in January 2020. She was deemed an incapacitated person and we had to have a third-party to be the guardian/conservator over mom.

Back to present-day:
I have not seen her in 2 1/2 years. I made the decision to not go and see her. I have all these people telling me that I need to go see her to give myself some peace. I'm fine. I don't want to remember my mom that way. In a fragile state, not looking like herself. There's not any bad blood between me and her. I've went through every scenario I could think of. I feel like I have to do what's best for me at this point. I've even had people say, "Well, what if she come back and haunts you?" Like, really?

Am I wrong for not going to see her? I love my mom but I don't want that to be the last memory I have of her. I want to remember her the way I do now.

#Dementia #Familydrama #tryingtodowhatsbestforme #lookingoutformymentalhealth

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Advice?

Hello everyone. For those of you who know me know about my dysfunctional family. I'm planning on moving out soon and need some pointers and advice on how to make packing up my stuff and taking it out of the house go smoothly. Im thinking I need law enforcement due to the violence from the past. I honestly want to feel safe while removing my belongings and making sure nothing is broken or taken and that I'm not hurt. Idk how to talk to my family since they just choose to hear but not actually understand me. #Advice #movingout #Familydrama #thinkingofmymentalandphysicalhealth #Anxiety #Stress #SituationalDepression

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Fucked

I love my family they love me too and recently I lost my mother to cancer. I have never hated anyone in my entire life other than my grandmother because of some past histories and now she’s over here at my home manipulating my dad against me and taking over my mother’s place. I know I am capable of taking care of my brother and my dad but when this lady is here, I just turn unproductive and it feels like I’m living in a cage. I don’t know how to handle this, I’d love some suggestions. #Familydrama #fuckedup

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Struggling #Depression #homophobia #Familydrama #ItHurts

My mum has always had a problem with me being gay. There is a lot of history there. She has now ‘turned a corner’ and become a celebrant. She now celebrates love is love.. so now I get to see her posting on Facebook for her business about #gayweddings .. not just #Weddings .. it’s got to be #gayweddings .. because they are so different..

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came onto the mighty for a little escape from the holiday anxiety and expectations. How is everyone today? Today has been a rough day for me, but currently I’m thinking about goals for 2020? Struggling to think positive 😬😬 #Anxiety #Depression #Familydrama

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Change of perspective

I'm staying with my folks right now. Dad was grilling dinner and got annoying by something. At this point what would USUALLY happen is my dad would get angry and put my mom and myself on edge. Mom would try to placate him, and I would try to keep him from lashing out (verbally) at my mother.

HOWEVER, this time I chose to stop what I was doing, take a few deep breaths, remind myself I only have power over myself and my reactions, and I chose to not react to my father's behavior. Somehow it must have rubbed off on my mom who also stayed calm. Soon enough my dad calmed down, and we had a pleasant dinner. :)
#52SmallThings #CheerMeOn #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Depression #Anxiety #Familydrama

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