Just checking in. Thanks for the feedback on forgiveness. I am writing today to break a habit. I tend to withdraw from others after sharing some of my background. I don’t fully grasp the reason for this. However, I caught myself refraining from sharing on #TheMighty . So, I am writing today.
I hope you all are doing well.👍
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One minute ago, I used the last of my drug of choice that I had in my possession. I am trying to make good choices – or rather, healthy choices – in my life. This past weekend has been a [string] of unhealthiness, one choice after another, starting with and stemming from, acquiring said drug of choice. From Friday, until this morning, Monday, I was sober for less than an hour. Even while sleeping, I was intoxicated. Surprisingly, that is the worst of it. Laziness and poor communication take over the rest of the weekend. Yelling at and with the parental figure with whom I reside and doing next to nothing productive.
To say I enjoyed being intoxicated the whole time I was intoxicated, well, would be a lie. It was not fun or comfortable the whole time, not even for most of it. I didn’t like how I was feeling but didn’t like what I got when I changed it either. I tried to change it with chemicals, food (or lack of), and shopping. Anything that would change the torture my brain was putting me through. As much as I wanted to cut my arm or leg and let the black evil flow straight out… as much as I craved it, I managed to not. Not do that. But that craving did not dissipate even when I was sober for a part of the day today. I need release but I am trying to make healthy choices in my life. Healthy does not include self-harm or drugs, that’s for sure. But then, replacing those with food and shopping is not a decent choice, either, and straight up taking away these things I rely on and throw them out the window with no replacement in sight is not smart, either. So the real, healthy question is… what is it going to take to replace self-harm and drugs, to a point where they go away for good? A final goodbye to them and hello to… what though?
Coping skills are some of the most annoying things in the world to try to learn, when you were never taught them and only gathered the maladaptive ones into your arsenal.
For years, twenty to be exact, I’ve been in and out of therapy and psychiatric offices, with frequent detours to the psych hospital mixed in. And over those 20 years, I have gathered at least the knowledge of many other coping skills. Using cold temperatures to snap my brain back online, using video games or books or artwork to pull my attention off the unhealthy urge and redirect that attention to doing something else, using my five senses to connect my brain back to my body, and to the world around me, using the care and concern of those around me to build or even maintain my motivation to only make healthy choices, while checking the facts of the situation. I could keep this list going for quite a while, but only because I am not in crisis mode right now.
If I enter crisis mode, I love all connection to the healthy skills I know, deep down. That knowledge disappears. Not completely, not anymore. Every so often, an insane idea will plant itself in the dirt on the ground of my mind and grow and sprout into an inkling of an urge, and spring up, budding motivation to try something different. Something healthy. Something that may actually work. Something that could genuinely help. And help longer than the short term, immediate gratification of the maladaptive coping skills to which I usually resort.
The biggest thing I can say, after twenty years, is do not give up, do not give in, and the fight will be worth it, in the end. I would love to be able to say that it will never hurt and you will never struggle. I can say, making the healthy choice each time you are able, makes the healthy choice less difficult each subsequent time.
So to practice, what I preach, I am sitting in my room, writing pen to paper, in the glow of a video game streamer, as they run for their life in an asymmetrical horror survival game. The sound of their Aussie accent tantalizing the little hairs in my ears, attempting to draw my attention away. And they make it out alive, so I think, tonight at least, I will make it out unscathed this time, as well.
#cope #copingskills #Crisis #crisismode #BPD #Depression #habits #Healthy #Selfharm #se lfinjury
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These are just a few things we will be going over in the How to Achieve Your Goals workshop.
Which of these do you struggle with the most when it comes to reaching your goals?
Oftentimes we may think that habits have to be “huge” when really they can be tiny changes that we implement in our lives. Maybe you want to make a point to brush your teeth after every meal instead of just in the morning and before bed. Or maybe you want to make your bed first thing when you wake up to start your day on a good note. Finish the sentence and tell us what small habit you’d like to add to your life to improve your well-being!
#MentalHealth #ChronicIllness #RareDisease #Disability #Parenting #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Trauma #PTSD #AutoimmuneDisease #ChronicPain #Migraine #Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Autism #habits #DistractMe #CheckInWithMe #Selfcare
Hitting the snooze button several times in the morning — every morning. Falling asleep in front of the computer or TV. Nail biting. These are just a few examples of habits people often try to break. This week’s theme is all about habits and we thought we’d kick it off by having you share a habit you can do without. What’s yours?
#MentalHealth #ChronicIllness #Disability #Parenting #RareDisease #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Depression #Trauma #PTSD #AutoimmuneDisease #ChronicPain #Migraine #Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Autism #habits #CheckInWithMe #DistractMe
I grew up in an evangelical Christian home and my faith was absolutely central to everything in my life - family, friends, volunteering, weekly and daily routines, identity, artistic expression, etc. etc.
Ten years ago, I began dating a Christian man...who also happened to be a narcissist. All the messages I'd received as a teenager and young adult made me discount any concerns about the relationship and to continue on until just a few weeks before our wedding before I broke it off. I believed that a Christian couple could get over any issues just because they were both Christian. Not only was this myth shattered by the relationship, but my ex was also spiritually abusive. He used prayer, Scripture, and spiritual leaders as weapons against me.
I've been fighting to hold on to my faith for so long and I've just reached a point of exhaustion at being triggered over and over and over. I'm not maintaining any spiritual practices at this point, beyond occasionally watching a Sunday church service online. I think I've been waiting for something to change - like holding space in my life for that community and those routines until I am able to participate wholeheartedly in them again.
I think I have reached a point where that is no longer a healthy way for me to live. I feel that I don't know who I am without Christianity, which is seriously impacting my sense of self and identity. I have very poor morning and evening routines because these were always tied in to faith practices for me. And I don't really have any meaningful community/ies that I am part of anymore as church and Bible study groups were always at the centre of my social life.
I think that I need to start figuring out some new routines and finding some new community connections. I am anxious about this because my family and the majority of my friends are all people of faith and if I start exploring things outside of that, they will not understand at all. I also don't really even know where to start as this has been my whole life.
And there is a lot of sadness in the thought of moving on from something that has been both so wonderful and so terrible for me. It feels like yet another defeat and is really the ultimate thing that my ex has taken from me.
I'm not really looking for advice, especially not for spiritual messages or promises to pray as those can be very triggering for me, but it is just helpful to be able to kind of publicly share where I am at. It relieves a bit of pressure and anxiety for me. Thanks for listening, Mighties. ❤️
#Christianity #Church #routines #habits #Community #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #narcissisticabusesurvivor #emotionalabusesurvivor #spiritualabuse
Everyone has habits, and some can actually be pretty beneficial — like turning the lights off whenever you leave a room. But some habits like biting your nails (guilty) or drinking caffeine too late in the day (also guilty) might not be so useful.
Breaking habits we don’t want can be difficult — especially if you’ve been doing them for a long time — but not entirely impossible. Despite the unwanted habits I have (and there are plenty), I am living proof that you *can* break a habit if you put in the work. And it does involve a little bit of work.
Of all my so-called “bad” habits I currently have, the one habit that really needs to go is probably the one I do the most: leave projects to the last minute. This stems from my self-sabotaging. Not great.
What’s a habit you’d like to break up with? Share with me in the comments below.
#MentalHealth #ChronicIllness #RareDisease #Disability #Parenting #Anxiety #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Trauma #PTSD #TraumaSurvivors #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #Undiagnosed #Migraine #ChronicPain #AutoimmuneDisease #Autism #ADHD #CheerMeOn #DistractMe #52SmallThings #habits
It’s OK, we can say it — sometimes other people’s habits drive us up a wall. Which specific ones get under your skin? Maybe it’s chewing with an open mouth, interrupting, turning the radio station mid-song...the list can go on.
Consider this your end-of-the-week space to vent. The floor is yours.
#MentalHealth #ChronicIllness #Parenting #RareDisease #Disability #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Trauma #PTSD #Fibromyalgia #ChronicPain #Migraine #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Autism #CheckInWithMe #habits
Whether you’re building a new one or trying to break an old one, we want to know how you’re tracking your habits.
Do you use a calendar 📅 or notebook? 📓 Maybe you use an app on your phone that sends you notification reminders. Or perhaps you’re fond of using a sticker chart. Whatever it is, share your go-to habit tracking method in the comments below.
#MentalHealth #ChronicIllness #RareDisease #Parenting #Disability #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Trauma #PTSD #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Autism #Fibromyalgia #DownSyndrome #Cancer #RheumatoidArthritis #ChronicPain #Migraine #CheckInWithMe #habits
Whether we want to swap them for healthier habits or we have simply outgrown them, sometimes it’s time to let go of some of our current habits. What is one habit you’d like to either change up a bit or get rid of entirely?
#MentalHealth #ChronicIllness #RareDisease #Disability #Parenting #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Trauma #PTSD #Autism #DownSyndrome #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Fibromyalgia #RheumatoidArthritis #Cancer #Migraine #ChronicPain #habits #CheckInWithMe
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