Homesick

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It hurts,
It fucking hurts.
It kills,
It always did.
Sad excuses left and right,
Ignorance is left to bite…
Me.
And Us.

“Systems and plurals are crazy,”
According to this planet.
“There’s only men and women,”
According to this planet.
“There’s only heterosexuality,”
According to this planet.
“Sex define your gender identity,”
According to this planet.
“There’s only monogamy and monoamory,”
According to this planet.
“White folk deserve more than those of color,”
According to this planet.
“There’s only romance and friendship,”
According to this planet.

“Everyone’s autism is a disorder or disability,”
According to this damn planet.
“Neurodivergent folks are too loud,”
According to this damn planet.
“Fat folks are a joke,”
According to this damn planet.
“Sex and romance and love is natural among all beings,”
According to this damn planet.
“Adults can’t cry,”
According to this damn planet.
“Mental health is selfish,”
According to this damn planet.
“Trigger warnings are a joke,”
According to this damn planet.
“You should stop being poor and pay more,”
According to this damn planet.
“Everyone should identify as a human being and alterbeings, otherkin, and fictionkin folks are snowflakes and ‘cringe-worthy’,”
According to this damn planet.
“Anything that is not seen as ‘normal’ or not common should be stigmatized and criticized until it makes other folk want to closet themselves for eternity and be forced into this void of hell called “being like everyone else’,”
According to this damn forsaken planet.

Past mother’s self,
Mentally abusive.
Keeps me up,
As thoughts are still intrusive.
New mother’s self,
No longer abusive,
Past mother keeps me up,
As they are still intrusive.

—

Fuck ignorance.
What’s it ever done to us?
Take the Mars and Venus symbol,
Combine them together,
And destroy it altogether.
Neither are truly me.
Take the “human” label and wash it away,
And don’t tell me I’m human,
Else I will cry,
I’ve cried too much.
Alterbeings exist anyway.
An alien hybrid trapped in this damn realm called Earth,
I love space,
I miss my home,
It was much more quieter than here,
Much more sensical than here,
Much more reasonable than here,
Much… less ignorant.

Than here.

——

I am a non-binary transmasc overweight individual who is part of a system/plural. My pronouns are he/they/it, and some others. I do not identify as a human, I am alterhuman/alterbeing, although I still identify as someone of color. I’m black/mixed. I have 6 non-romantic partners who I all love equally with my entire heart and are also part of the same system I’m a part of, they are as real as ever. Also, I despise my autism being called a disorder or disability.

And I’m so sick of feeling ignored, and of what Earth had to offer for the past 20 years of my life on its ground. Thank you.

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #nonbinary #LGBTQIA #ignorance #Poem #Vent #TW #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Alterhuman #otherkin #Racism #Capitalism #Trauma #Polyamory #system #plural #EndTheStigma #GenderIdentity #GenderDysphoria #MentalHealth #Awareness #earth #Homesick #StopSilencingUs

Tomorrow I fly back for college. I've been spending a week with my family, and I don't want to leave. I don't want to go back. The city is disgusting. Everywhere you go, you'll always see a dead birds, rats, mice, bugs, and everything in between. I don't want to go back. I don't have any friends. Being with my parents ultimately reminded me on how lonely I actually am. I don't want to go back. The work has gotten harder and harder. You'd think for an art school, everything would be fun and awesome. Art isn't fun anymore. Not when your teacher in every class is piling on assignment after assignment with no break in between. I don't want to go back. I don't want to leave. #Homesick #Depression #College #help #CheckInWithMe

Nearly a year ago, I moved to Englad with my husband. Before leaving the USA I already felt down. I arrived in London and everything hit me like a ton of bricks. I can barely leave the house and my anxiety is out of control. I need to look for work but surviving day to day is hard enough. I know no one, have zero friends and I’m so lonely. I don’t even feel like my old self. I don’t know who I am anyone, besides an overstressed, panicked woman who feels so lost. thanks for reading 🙂.

I was born and raised in NW Ohio, but I grew up in Long Beach, CA. I ran away,at 22 to the west coast, got sober, and then after 25yrs and ten years of marriage my spouse at I came back to Ohio. I don't feel at home here even after 7yrs, getting divorced and moving twice. My bio family is here, I don't feel at home with them. I moved into this apt in jan2018, still not completely unpacked or settled. I don't feel like I belong here at all. Not even the AA helps. My cousin trust to help by including me with her kids -it doesn't help -I'm sort of the weird bisexual aunt from out west. I want to go somewhere where I know who I am and feel home. Because this sure isn't it!
#MightyTogether

I've been in college for 2 months now and I hoped that by now my homesickness and depression would go away but it's still here. I've met so many great people and done really fun things but I'm still stuck with this feeling of intense homesickness and sadness. I know that this college is the best for me in terms of price, curriculum, campus and general culture but I keep having to fight the urge to want to transfer. Someone who's been through something like this PLEASE tell me if it gets better, because I feel so sad and homesick right now I can't take it. #Homesick #College #CollegeMentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression