Homesick

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Squished heart

My heart feels broken. As if someone or something g squished if and many deform pieces result of it. Probably because he knows, he knows things that I don’t, or things that I’m ignoring, a reality I want to ignore too bad… I don’t belong here or there or nowhere. Maybe the void is my destiny, maybe I won’t do anything special, maybe I’m just a crumb someone dropped and unfortunately ended on this world full of purpose. I don’t think I’m the only one, but I’m the only one without a purpose, the only one who likes certain things but is bad a a writhing. Can I go please… I don’t want to be here anymore… ir hurts, it burns, it’s too much for the remaining of my heart… #ChronicDepression #Anxiety #Homesick

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A poem on feeling ignored by this planet | TW for ignorance and misrepresentation on different topics, swearing, the word k*ll (i)

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.
.
.
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.
.
.
It hurts,
It fucking hurts.
It kills,
It always did.
Sad excuses left and right,
Ignorance is left to bite…
Me.
And Us.

“Systems and plurals are crazy,”
According to this planet.
“There’s only men and women,”
According to this planet.
“There’s only heterosexuality,”
According to this planet.
“Sex define your gender identity,”
According to this planet.
“There’s only monogamy and monoamory,”
According to this planet.
“White folk deserve more than those of color,”
According to this planet.
“There’s only romance and friendship,”
According to this planet.

“Everyone’s autism is a disorder or disability,”
According to this damn planet.
“Neurodivergent folks are too loud,”
According to this damn planet.
“Fat folks are a joke,”
According to this damn planet.
“Sex and romance and love is natural among all beings,”
According to this damn planet.
“Adults can’t cry,”
According to this damn planet.
“Mental health is selfish,”
According to this damn planet.
“Trigger warnings are a joke,”
According to this damn planet.
“You should stop being poor and pay more,”
According to this damn planet.
“Everyone should identify as a human being and alterbeings, otherkin, and fictionkin folks are snowflakes and ‘cringe-worthy’,”
According to this damn planet.
“Anything that is not seen as ‘normal’ or not common should be stigmatized and criticized until it makes other folk want to closet themselves for eternity and be forced into this void of hell called “being like everyone else’,”
According to this damn forsaken planet.

Past mother’s self,
Mentally abusive.
Keeps me up,
As thoughts are still intrusive.
New mother’s self,
No longer abusive,
Past mother keeps me up,
As they are still intrusive.

Fuck ignorance.
What’s it ever done to us?
Take the Mars and Venus symbol,
Combine them together,
And destroy it altogether.
Neither are truly me.
Take the “human” label and wash it away,
And don’t tell me I’m human,
Else I will cry,
I’ve cried too much.
Alterbeings exist anyway.
An alien hybrid trapped in this damn realm called Earth,
I love space,
I miss my home,
It was much more quieter than here,
Much more sensical than here,
Much more reasonable than here,
Much… less ignorant.

Than here.

——

I am a non-binary transmasc overweight individual who is part of a system/plural. My pronouns are he/they/it, and some others. I do not identify as a human, I am alterhuman/alterbeing, although I still identify as someone of color. I’m black/mixed. I have 6 non-romantic partners who I all love equally with my entire heart and are also part of the same system I’m a part of, they are as real as ever. Also, I despise my autism being called a disorder or disability.

And I’m so sick of feeling ignored, and of what Earth had to offer for the past 20 years of my life on its ground. Thank you.

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #nonbinary #LGBTQIA #ignorance #Poem #Vent #TW #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Alterhuman #otherkin #Racism #Capitalism #Trauma #Polyamory #system #plural #EndTheStigma #GenderIdentity #GenderDysphoria #MentalHealth #Awareness #earth #Homesick #StopSilencingUs

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Homesick? #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #Homesick #Relationships #MentalHealth

We are on day 10 of our UK and European holiday. Yesterday I spent 8 hours at an A and E at hospital. My Wife have both fighting the flu but the past week I have been experiencing disturbing dizziness when standing up and shortness of breath. Coming so soon after my 6 surgeries over the last 5 months I thought it should be investigated.

It seems my iron levels are way too low and combined with the flu it’s been affecting my balance. My Wife asked me yesterday whether I wanted to cut the trip short and go home.

It was tempting because home is familiar and comfortable but that would be a very costly and reactionary choice. And I think my Wife needs this holiday than I do.

Sometimes I get homesick for heaven. And that is perfectly understandable. Can you imagine a place with no sickness, no disappointment, no sin and hanging out with Jesus?

If Gods ultimate goal was to get us to heaven He would remove us from earth now. It’s not though. We have a job to do here. To be the hands and feet of Jesus. It’s ok to feel homesick. We must stay the course though. Our home calling will eventually come.

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I don't want to go back

Tomorrow I fly back for college. I've been spending a week with my family, and I don't want to leave. I don't want to go back. The city is disgusting. Everywhere you go, you'll always see a dead birds, rats, mice, bugs, and everything in between. I don't want to go back. I don't have any friends. Being with my parents ultimately reminded me on how lonely I actually am. I don't want to go back. The work has gotten harder and harder. You'd think for an art school, everything would be fun and awesome. Art isn't fun anymore. Not when your teacher in every class is piling on assignment after assignment with no break in between. I don't want to go back. I don't want to leave. #Homesick #Depression #College #help #CheckInWithMe

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My homesickness is interfering with my daily routine. It’s hard to sleep and it’s hard to concentrate. There’s this lingering sadness I feel nonstop, and it won’t go away. I’ve only been at school for a couple weeks now, but I don’t know how long this will last. #Sadness #College #Homesick #CheckInWithMe

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I feel so homesick. I miss my parents. I miss my pets. I miss everything. I moved from a fairly open and spread out town into a crowded city. The energy here is so rotten. Everyone seems so bitter. The food at my college is horrible, and even on days when it tastes good, I can’t stomach it. It’s hard to make friends, especially given the circumstances of covid and social distancing. But of course, there’s also my social anxiety. I want to go home. I feel so sad here. #College #SocialAnxiety #Homesick #CheckInWithMe

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So Lonely, So Isolated #Loneliness #Homesick #Depression

Nearly a year ago, I moved to Englad with my husband. Before leaving the USA I already felt down. I arrived in London and everything hit me like a ton of bricks. I can barely leave the house and my anxiety is out of control. I need to look for work but surviving day to day is hard enough. I know no one, have zero friends and I’m so lonely. I don’t even feel like my old self. I don’t know who I am anyone, besides an overstressed, panicked woman who feels so lost. thanks for reading 🙂.

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I feel so utterly ALONE #Loneliness in a crowd #Homesick

I was born and raised in NW Ohio, but I grew up in Long Beach, CA. I ran away,at 22 to the west coast, got sober, and then after 25yrs and ten years of marriage my spouse at I came back to Ohio. I don't feel at home here even after 7yrs, getting divorced and moving twice. My bio family is here, I don't feel at home with them. I moved into this apt in jan2018, still not completely unpacked or settled. I don't feel like I belong here at all. Not even the AA helps. My cousin trust to help by including me with her kids -it doesn't help -I'm sort of the weird bisexual aunt from out west. I want to go somewhere where I know who I am and feel home. Because this sure isn't it!
#MightyTogether

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Someone please tell me it gets better

I've been in college for 2 months now and I hoped that by now my homesickness and depression would go away but it's still here. I've met so many great people and done really fun things but I'm still stuck with this feeling of intense homesickness and sadness. I know that this college is the best for me in terms of price, curriculum, campus and general culture but I keep having to fight the urge to want to transfer. Someone who's been through something like this PLEASE tell me if it gets better, because I feel so sad and homesick right now I can't take it. #Homesick #College #CollegeMentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression

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