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Progress, not perfection #ACA #ChildAbuse #Jewish #Zen #Anxiety #AspergersSyndrome #MajorDepression #anhedonia

I have worked very hard on myself to make myself functional again. I'm now able to sustain a couple long-term friendships, and even interact with others occasionally. However, things like silence, vague answers, and people leaving (anywhere) suddenly, still throw me in a tailspin. The same with gaslighting, manipulation, and twisting my words. I don't know how to react better to these situations, so I try to separate my part from their part on whether it's my fault or not. Then I remind myself of how far I've come and what I've accomplished. Progress, not perfection.

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I walk two paths #Jewish #Zen

My path is a little unusual, and definitely unorthodox. I am Jewish by choice, and also a Zen Buddhist.

I live with multiple chronic illnesses, have multiple specialists that I'm really tired of seeing, multiple medications, and multiple supplements. This is all to keep me functioning each day.

How does my spiritual path fit in.... Judaism gives me context and history, and Zen gives me equanimity.

When I'm feeling especially down, or wonder why I should continue fighting, I recall stories from Jewish history, and remember that I am not alone. I especially rely on Zen and zazen when I am in severe pain, and I just sit with it, acknowledging how I feel, and just be with the pain - not resisting. This is helpful for me due to how much denial I face that I'm even sick, or that my pain is real. Just sitting (shikantaza) allows me to be present for myself and in the moment, no judging, labeling, or criticizing. Just being present "as is."

Jews have a saying "from strength to strength" - I use this to remind myself to focus on my strengths, not everything that's wrong with me. Zen has a saying with a similar meaning "chop wood, carry water" - meaning no matter what happens with us or others, life still goes on, and we need to practice self-care and take care of the essentials.

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How are y'all celebrating Purim this year? Or not? Our shuls are just starting to open back up & there are three shifts for the community carnival. It's great but still weird that we won't be one big schmoozing mess of people. #Jewish #Purim


Descendents of holocaust survivors

I'm a third generation descendent of holocaust survivors.

A big part of my recovery from my anorexia has been coming to terms with and working through the inherited trauma which my grandparents and parents were unable to deal with.

This transgenerational trauma affected my sense of identity, sense of self, and crutial stages of emotional development.

I'm curious to connect with other 3Gen descendents, if there's anyone on here.

#Jewish #Holocaust #Emotions #Trauma #MentalHealth #Childhoodemotionalneglect #AnorexiaNervosa